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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed with my friend?

67 replies

cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 11:45

End of Feb a friend of mine called to tell me her BF had proposed and they were getting married in two months' time. She told me children weren't really invited but she'd make an exception for DH and I (who have a DD aged 4) as a) we're not from this country and have no family here and b) the wedding's about a 5-hour train journey away so we'd struggle to find childcare.

Anyway, we received the invitation in the post about 3 weeks later and RSVPd saying the 3 of us would come. Then she called me to say our DD couldn't come after all and had we already booked flights/accommodation? (We had.) In the end, we decided to compromise and only go to the church service and not the reception but I still feel quite annoyed that she uninvited our DD after initially telling me she could come and we'd already spent quite a lot of money on train fares and accommodation. AIBU?

OP posts:
BasilBabyEater · 27/04/2013 11:46

No I don't think you are.

Thoughtless and selfish, she should have made it very clear on the invite.

FeckOffCup · 27/04/2013 11:48

If you've already booked flights and accomodation for the 3 of you based on what she said in the first place I would be tempted to just turn up with your DD and she can just like it or lump it unless she wants to cause a scene.

cornyderpy · 27/04/2013 11:48

that's very rude and thoughtless of her
did she give any reason for changing the invitation?
are you bringing dd to the church service?

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 11:55

She told me she couldn't make an exception for DD as it would look strange to her other friends who'd had to make childcare arrangements. Thing is, most of her other friends live locally and presumably have family nearby who're able to look after their children for a few hours. We'd booked two nights' accommodation so would've needed more than 48 hours childcare. AIBU to think that she could have asked around to see if one of her friends knew of someone who could look after DD for a few hours?

In the end we asked if children could come to the church service and she said that was fine, just not the reception.

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 27/04/2013 11:57

I wouldn't bother going. Have a mini holiday instead. Disgraceful behaviour!

foslady · 27/04/2013 11:58

YANBU - don't think I'd even want to go to the service if she'd done that to me.....or count her as a friend

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 11:59

Forgot to say DD is only 3 so would not be happy to leave her with friends in our home city for 2 days...

OP posts:
2cats2many · 27/04/2013 12:03

Can she be left with any of the babysitters of the friends who live close by to the wedding so you and your DH can go to the party?

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 12:04

2cats2many - I don't know any of her other friends so can't really ask them (and the wedding's this afternoon so too late now) :(

OP posts:
flumperoo · 27/04/2013 12:07

How completely selfish and thoughtless of your friend. Even knowing you had booked flights and accommodation as well! If there any way to cancel flights etc, I would do that, even if it meant losing a deposit. If that's not an option, then I'd definitely still not go and would do as Santana suggests and make it mini family holiday instead. What area is it in - somewhere nice for a holiday?

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 12:12

Flumperoo, it's in a nice city so we're making the most of it. And we're going to be polite and friendly when we see them at the church but I'm still a bit miffed that she never even apologised for uninviting DD.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/04/2013 12:13

She has been thoughtless. She's trying to make her problem into your problem

BasilBabyEater · 27/04/2013 12:17

So presumably you'll go to the church but not to the reception?

thebody · 27/04/2013 12:20

I would have gone and enjoyed the mini break with dh and dd and stuffed the wedding.

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 12:20

Basil - that's right.

OP posts:
manticlimactic · 27/04/2013 12:20

YANBU. I wouldn't even go to the wedding.

WadsCollop · 27/04/2013 12:23

Don't bother going. Seriously.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/04/2013 12:27

Yes, maybe just turn up outside in time to throw something confetti at her after the service (how many 3 year olds want to sit through a wedding service anyway?)

TheChaoGoesMu · 27/04/2013 12:30

Jeez. I wouldn't go at all. She's not a friend. Completely rubbish behaviour.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 27/04/2013 12:33

Is your DD 3 or 4

Are you flying, or going by train?

Longdistance · 27/04/2013 12:33

Show your face at the wedding to make her feel guilty.

Don't leave a gift or card for them.

Go off and do your own thing with dd, and spoil her and yourselves rotten, and have lots of fun!

Lucyellensmum95 · 27/04/2013 12:34

I would not go either - Its a horrible thing to have done to you, i assume you would have bought her a wedding present too - take it back and get a refund. Mini-break to be enjoyed and her off your friends list!

QuintessentialOHara · 27/04/2013 12:35

I would not go. I would enjoy a minibreak in the town in question but not go

Original poster
cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 12:48

Jamie - DD is 3 (nearly 4) and we came by train. Altogether fares and accommodation (two nights) came to just over £300. I've also bought a nice gift and card.

OP posts:
QuintessentialOHara · 27/04/2013 12:49

Are you still going? I would not. She has behaved appallingly towards you.

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