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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed with my friend?

67 replies

cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 11:45

End of Feb a friend of mine called to tell me her BF had proposed and they were getting married in two months' time. She told me children weren't really invited but she'd make an exception for DH and I (who have a DD aged 4) as a) we're not from this country and have no family here and b) the wedding's about a 5-hour train journey away so we'd struggle to find childcare.

Anyway, we received the invitation in the post about 3 weeks later and RSVPd saying the 3 of us would come. Then she called me to say our DD couldn't come after all and had we already booked flights/accommodation? (We had.) In the end, we decided to compromise and only go to the church service and not the reception but I still feel quite annoyed that she uninvited our DD after initially telling me she could come and we'd already spent quite a lot of money on train fares and accommodation. AIBU?

OP posts:

digerd · 27/04/2013 15:36

A wedding reception for your DD with no other kids to play with will be so boring for her, anyway. But real friends don't let you down like that without any remorse or apology for changing her mind to keep the peace with others at the wedding who had obviously complained.

They had no right to complain to the bride about about her special arrangements for you, as you were coming from abroad.
She was too weak to stand up for herself and you.

Original poster

cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 15:39

Thank you all for your support. We just got back. It was fine if a bit awkward at the end when we had to exchange a few words outside the church. We were polite though not very chatty iyswim. We were obviously the only ones who'd brought a present to the church (and a rather big one at that!) and we handed it to one of the bride's friend (explaining we couldn't come to the reception due to no childcare) and then left. The strange thing is that there were hardly any people our age there ( i.e people who would potentially have children), mostly old people. So not quite sure why it would have been so difficult to explain to a handful of people that there would be one child attending the reception and why? Anyway, feeling a bit sad now as it's possibly the end of a friendship.

OP posts:

foslady · 27/04/2013 15:45

Her loss cinnamonbun - you sound as though you are a lovely friend for organising to go to the wedding and then still going to see her get married despite what she's done

Original poster

cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 15:52

Thank you Foslady

OP posts:

kerstina · 27/04/2013 17:43

Well its possible all the ones with young families stayed away if their whole family was not invited.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 27/04/2013 18:10

I hope you you enjoy the rest of your weekend with your family.

Lucyellensmum95 · 27/04/2013 18:14

You are a better woman than me cinnamon - i was hoping that they would have said to you to bring your DD along, but they didn't - they are clearly not worth your niceness xx I hope you find something nice to do together as a family this evening.

Original poster

cinnamonbun · 27/04/2013 21:38

Can I just say how much I love mumsnet sometimes! I felt almost overwhelmed by how supportive and kind everyone's been today and for what it's worth, Dh, dd and i had a nice evening together in the end.

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 27/04/2013 21:42

Glad to hear it.

CSIJanner · 27/04/2013 21:44

Your DD probably had a far more fantastic night with you and DH than she would have at the reception. A day out then mummy and daddy all to herself - what more can a little girl want?

It is a shame it's the end of a friendship, but you, DH and DD got to dress up, have a small holiday in a hotel (my LO's love overnight stays and sees them as small holidays) and got to be the bigger people.

thermalsinapril · 27/04/2013 21:46

YANBU. However I think she could be forgiven for being scatty or a bridezilla.

BollyGood · 27/04/2013 21:59

I can't believe a 'friend' would accept a gift and know that you had travelled to see her and not have a change of heart and invite you and your family to the rest of her wedding. You sound like a really lovely person and I don't think this woman deserves you as a friend. It's sad when thing like this happen but I am just gobsmacked at her behaviour to be honest.

wonderingagain · 27/04/2013 22:03

Don't worry about the friendship - getting married is a bit weird and stressful, it may be that the groom or any number of family members was involved in the planning. If it's a good friendship it will recover from this but give it time. Whatever happens don't be sad about it.

Longdistance · 28/04/2013 04:02

Well, I hope she's thorougly embarrassed by that. It may have been awkward for you, but think it'll be worse for her when the friend took the large gift, and you went.
I'd leave her to contact you tbh.

MidniteScribbler · 28/04/2013 04:15

This person is not a friend. Friends do not treat each other like that.

Choccybaby · 28/04/2013 09:10

I think you did exactly the right thing.

I remember being extremely upset when aged about 6 my parents were invited to a close family friend's wedding and didn't want kids there. While I think it's up to the couple how they want to arrange their wedding, I don't attend weddings where my children aren't welcome because I don't want them to feel rejected. To me weddings are family events.

I think that your "friend" changing her mind at the last minute was completely out of order

LayMizzRarb · 28/04/2013 10:03

It's her loss. Sounds like she has lost a good friend she doesn't really deserve to have.

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