To be disappointed with my friend?

[cinnamonbun]

End of Feb a friend of mine called to tell me her BF had proposed and they were getting married in two months' time. She told me children weren't really invited but she'd make an exception for DH and I (who have a DD aged 4) as a) we're not from this country and have no family here and b) the wedding's about a 5-hour train journey away so we'd struggle to find childcare.

Anyway, we received the invitation in the post about 3 weeks later and RSVPd saying the 3 of us would come. Then she called me to say our DD couldn't come after all and had we already booked flights/accommodation? (We had.) In the end, we decided to compromise and only go to the church service and not the reception but I still feel quite annoyed that she uninvited our DD after initially telling me she could come and we'd already spent quite a lot of money on train fares and accommodation. AIBU?

Quintessential - yes the church is in 2 hours. We've decided to go as we'd already paid for the train and accommodation when my friend called to say DD couldn't come. We're not exactly loaded so would've hated to waste such a lot of money.

I wouldn't go. This is incredibly rude and thoughtless behaviour.

Get a refund on the gift too.

Go and enjoy your mini break.

Thing is, if we don't go, she'll be able to think we're the ones who've been petty or whatever. By turning up, hopefully she'll realise that we've made quite an effort despite her behaviour and come all this way for what'll probably be half an hour's church service.

I think she is totally out of order.

How thoughtless!

To be honest, i couldnt give a shit what she thinks! She should have told you at the begining that it wouldnt be possible for DD to go - i can't abide all these bridezillas who think that children might ruin the ambience of their bloody wedding - if it really is so all about them, then let them get married on their bloody own

Just be bossy and tell her you are bringing your daughter and stop fussing. She will just have to tell other people that you are an exception and back you up - after all, she is a friend and that's what friends do.

Personally, if I were in your situation and still wanted to go to the ceremony, I'd limit my generosity to the card and take the gift back to the shop for a refund.

Shockingly rude behaviour on her part. Completely unreasonable to uninvited your dd.

How incredibly rude. She is not a good friend. If I were you I would not attend the wedding. I would enjoy your weekend away instead.

However, if you feel you must, go to the church but leave immediately at the end of the service. Don't talk to the bridezilla, don't give them a gift, simply start your lovely family weekend away together. Then have no further contact with her. Selfish cow.

I never say this ( well seldom ) but honestly OP you are better off without this type of "friend". You sound like a lovely,loyal person who deserves better treatment.
Hope you have a nice family time regardless of the wedding.

I wouldn't go either, because by now I would have lost interest in her wedding & her as a friend.

Go. Talk loudly to random relatives outside the church about how disappointed you are that you can't go to the reception due to no childcare. Big exaggerated sad face.

Then bugger off and do something fun :o

Yes, actually with Purplepidjin on this.

One day, hopefully this "friend" will have the good grace to be embarrassed.

She sounds like a selfish arsehole.

You must make your presence felt!

Why bother going just to make a point?-the bride probably won't care or notice!

If you want to watch her get married, go.

If not, do something as a family.

God, what is it about the wedding industry that turns otherwise decent, nice people into monsters?

Does she know you're not going to the reception?

I hope there are 2 empty places which they'll be charged for and will upset the seating arrangements

YANBU

I would be cross. If I was feling really petty I might downgrade their 'present' and if I was feeling really REALLY petty I might not let them know I wasn't going to the reception.

At the very least I would make it very clear that you had already spent money on the trip based on the fact your DD could come.

I think just going to the ceremony is a good idea.

It never ceases to amaze me that people do this kind of thing to their 'friends' I mean, when she asked if you had booked accommodation etc and you said yes, what did she say? Unbelievable behaviour, I'd be mightily pissed off.

She's no friend. Get a refund on the gift.

Seriously, she doesn't deserve the gift - you've spent a shed load to get to a wedding, that she's then moved the goal posts on AFTER she knew you'd forked out for it all, she's not even feeding you now ffs!!!!!!!

No, that's bloody selfish and thoughtless on her part. To be honest I think the "no kids at weddings" thing is often quite selfish if taken to such unbending extremes. I can totally understand that it's a lovely idea for adults - particularly if they go back a long way - to be able to recreate their child free days for a few hours but in practice it makes it impossible for guests like you. There has to be a bit of flexibility.

I would not bother going, she pissed you about