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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"tutoring for grammar school is cheating". AIBU to be fuming at DSIL's attitude?

670 replies

twiceupinarms · 26/04/2013 19:29

namechange coz as much as I don't care if she reads this, I don't want her to know my normal nickname.Angry
I am getting my DD tutored for grammar school. DSIL thinks it's cheating if she can't get in without being tutored and will therefor struggle when she gets there. for fucksake, the exams are not based on school curriculum - it's like being a brilliant footballer but been trialled to get in the team on your ability to tie your laces. fucksake.
Anyone else encountered this attitude?
Oh I can add hypocrisy to the list? Her DD audtitioned to go to Stage Boarding School. Did she do any practice/preparations for the audition? Only 9 lessons a week, every week, for 6 years.
Angry
AIBU to be cross?

OP posts:
seeker · 30/04/2013 16:40

"^If DD1 fails, then I'll take it on the chin, accept she wasn't good enough on the day and that those are the breaks...and, she will go to private school.

And, the very next day I will be back on this type of thread, defending the grammar school system."

Grin Grin Grin Absolutely you will! Defending to the death your right to try for grammar school, then go private-because that's how the grammar schools system works! Grin

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 30/04/2013 16:40

pickled that's what I said earlier re SAT's
It seems all exams/tests are bad.

exoticfruits · 30/04/2013 16:43

Why 2% though, why not say 10% - ideologically and even practically I'm not sure I see the difference

I see a huge difference. If you have 2% those who need to be heavily tutored don't stand a chance. It won't be for the slightly above average, or even the quite a lot above average-it will be the exceptional. I wouldn't expect any primary school to get more than 2 DCs per year in

My comprehensive must have been highly unusual, lots of people at RG universities and I don't remember anyone i knew dissing homework etc. Sure, those kids existed but weren't in my class or my friends. I remember the kids who got the hardest time being the ones who were thought of as being a bit dim, not the other way round.

Not unusual at all. It was very much like that at my DS's comprehensive. Even way back when I was at secondary modern it was 'cool' to be at the top of the A stream.

You would be surprised who fails. I sold my house in 11+ area to a family with a DS who was 'a dead cert'. He failed. They even employed a solicitor for the appeal-he still didn't get in. One of the brightest DDs that I have ever taught moved to Buckinghamshire and failed-I have no idea how she came to fail-all the staff at my school were utterly amazed.

seeker · 30/04/2013 16:44

SATS are far too broad a brush to use for allocating to grammar schools.

Why not just have properly set comprehensives?

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 16:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CecilyP · 30/04/2013 16:46

Cecily sorry, I meant I would still defend grammar schools, and their worth, even if my DDs couldn't get into one

So you are not really defending the grammar school system - merely the part of the system that suits you.

seeker · 30/04/2013 16:49

Of course you have a perfect right to send your child to any school you what to. But saying that you defend the grammar school system when you have absolutely no intention of fully participating in it is, you have to admit rather funny,

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 30/04/2013 16:49

I don't get your point Cecily you can have DC not in Grammar and still believe it better to have them than not?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/04/2013 16:49

Ah come on Laqueen - that's not the sort of honest observation anyone would like or encourage a well-brought up child to make, now is it?

And don't start on the beige, or I shall flounce off in my green Xsara Picasso!

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 30/04/2013 16:50

Like you then Seeker, with a kid in it and attacking them all over the shop? Wink

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 16:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 30/04/2013 16:55

Hullits- I'm walking the secondary modern walk too. That's what the grammar school system means. A lot of people really, really don't get that. "Bring back grammar schools" they cry. Never "Bring back secondary Moderns"!

CecilyP · 30/04/2013 16:55

Hullits, the selective system is based on the concept that some children are academic and should be in grammar schools while other children are not academic and should be in other schools - whatever you call them.

If you intend to take part in the selection process and send your child to grammar school if they pass but opt for private if they fail, you might be said to be taking advantage of the system, but you can hardly claim to believe in the system.

shelley72 · 30/04/2013 16:55

have only briefly read but the thread has depressed me. i worry that i am not rich enough to be a good parent Sad.

he is only in YR so no need to think about it yet at all but we have no hope of being able to afford to tutor DS (and then give the same opportunity to siblings if they are suited) every week from the age of 7 for 11+ exam entry. My friend advises this is what you have to do and i should already be considering it though her DS is already in tears about the exam coming up later this year and wants to go to school with his mates, not to the GS but thats not the issue here.

however to go back to the OP, its your child and your money so has nothing to do with your SIL really.

wordfactory · 30/04/2013 16:57

But seeker if properly setted comprehensives haven't produced anything for the disadvanatged, why keep banging at them.

Isn't the definition of stupid doing the same thing and expecting different results?

We have tried this model. The vast majority of DC have been through this model. Throyughout the Blair adminisitration a record amount of cash and energy was spent on this model. The will was there. The money was there...but it didn't achieve anything for the disadvanatged, did it?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/04/2013 16:57

No, that's a fair point - you're defending grammar schools but not the grammar school system, right? Because if you didn't get the outcome you prefer, you'll be straight out of that grammar school system!

BegoniaBampot · 30/04/2013 16:58

God, these threads can be so depressing. Makes it sound like if they don't go to grammar your kids are screwed educationally speaking and will have a crappy second rate education.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 30/04/2013 16:59

sorry x posted. b'bye!

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen · 30/04/2013 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni · 30/04/2013 17:03

Cecily could you not argue that sending them private to try to get them to the same level as Grammar kids is not showing a relatively strong appreciation of the system?

CecilyP · 30/04/2013 17:10

No, Hullits, it is not showing an appreciation of the system. It is only showing that you aspired to the part of the system that rejected you, so you will try to replicate it another way.

wordfactory · 30/04/2013 17:11

Doesn't it just mean you want selective education and you'll try state if you can, but if you can't you'll go private?

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