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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to spend £30+ on wedding? How much did you spend and where?

231 replies

orangeclock · 26/04/2013 16:56

My partner and I have 2 children and are approaching 10 years together. We haven't married yet because we just haven't got around to it. We feel married already but think it would be wise to make things legal. We'd like to get married next year with about 150-200 guests, and we want to do something fairly lovely in a beautiful venue with a sit down meal.

Can I ask where you got married, how many guests, and how much did you spend?

I have looked at a couple of lovely venues but they cost out at £30,000 plus with the catering! We just don't want to spend such a huge chunk of money.

£20,000 would probably be our limit and I still think that's a small fortune.

We can't escape the sit down meal - older family would expect it. I also would like a really lovely venue and a good photographer.

We're happy to skimp on cake, cars, honeymoon, simple decorations, getting married off season and maybe mid week. Also starting later in the day so it's not an all day celebration.

I would really appreciate hearing your wedding experiences and any tips for not spending an absolute fortune! Thank you.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 27/04/2013 17:27

£30k on one day is ridiculous, especially considering how many marriages dont last.

I'd rather have a very simple day that is about the vows not a lavish party and use the money on a mortage or uni fees.

Scheherezade · 27/04/2013 17:29

I'm getting married in 8 weeks. 120 guests, 11am ceremony, all day reception. Everyone invited to the whole day. Free food and drink all day. 5k.

RugBugs · 27/04/2013 17:38

I got a 30% discount from the venue for getting married in March 5 years ago so there are savings to be made off-peak.
With those numbers I'd have loved the painted chapel in Greenwich. I've been to plenty of events there and it's a lovely setting and the food is better than a lot of banqueting meals I've had.

pleasestoptalking · 27/04/2013 17:43

We spent £6K 10 years ago. We got married in a small NT village in Wiltshire. We stayed in the Inn where we had the reception and were able to walk to the church. We got married in the afternoon then sent the younger guests off to the pub whilst we had afternoon tea with the olds. We had organised transport home for them all then had mulled wine reception and dinner for the younger lot.

We only had 40ish guests in the evening which was lovely but even so there are still some people we no longer keep in contact with.

We all met back at the inn the next morning to compare hangovers and have breakfast together before heading home.

I wanted to keep it small as we have very large extended families all over the globe and it was going to be a logistical nightmare. I'm also quite shy and didn't want a massive 'hoo ha'.

It was Christmas time so 'off season'. It was beautiful and intimate and I loved it.

As an aside. My 2nd favourite wedding was in a rather run-down country pile in Wales. All the family and friends got together to decorate the house with flowers, lay the tables etc etc and the couple got in outside caterers. It was lovely. Everyone felt involved, it was really friendly and very different. Most of us stayed there too. It really wasn't plush but it was really lovely.

I think if you go down the hotel and reception route it can be expensive and not very personal and quite 'samey'.

Good luck. Put lots of thought into it rather than lots of money.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 27/04/2013 17:46

20k, ten years ago. Village church, 60 guests, mid afternoon reception until 9pm. Big dress Smile and lots of champagne Grin

MrsPoglesWood · 27/04/2013 21:21

Nope sorry I'm with Northernlurker even if you were my best friend I would be baffled as to why you were spending £30k on a wedding after you'd been together so long. But I would tell you that to your face without any difficulty. Cos I'm your friend you know and I wouldn't want you to waste your money....

Have you really, really nothing better to spend £30k on? Paying off your mortgage, home improvements, fabulous holidays, uni fund for your DC?

£30k on a wedding when you've lived together for years and have DC just seems ridiculous. And don't assume that those you invite won't think that. They will, but they'll just be too polite to tell you.

Arisbottle · 27/04/2013 21:33

I would have quite liked a big wedding , I love a big party. Probably very selfish of me but I wish we had had a bigger do .

Buddhagirl · 27/04/2013 21:36

8k, hired a barn for 3 days so went in the day before and dressed it up. Fed everyone once at 5pm, cake at night, had no posh car, no disco (2 skittle alleys instead) dress from monsoon, cheap cake, photographer and florist. It looked beautiful and because we did it all ourselves (myself) it was cheaper than getting a hotel to do it with rank food and dodgy carpets.

Buddhagirl · 27/04/2013 21:38

Oh, 60 guests. Did the invitations, table plan, decs, alcohol, music by ourselves.

MisForMumNotMaid · 27/04/2013 21:41

Under £1k. 60 people, canapes, champagne, wine, four course meal plus coffee, hotel rooms for imediate family, orchid arrangements for all the tables, wedding in Chapel, honeymoon two nights in London. We had an M&S three layered wedding cake and got live flower inserts and topped the cakes in orchids to go with the table arrangements.

We married on a Wednesday. The local hotel had a two course lunch for a fiver deal on. We negotiated to take over the place for the daytime only for I think it was £8 a head for four courses (they gave guests four choices for each course, but it was preorder) and they laid on fantastic trays of canapes too. My sister brought champagne as our wedding gift and we paid a couple of pounds a bottle corkage. Another daytime deal the hotel had on was quite a nice wine at £5 a bottle - it was £6 in Tesco at the time so at least a step above vinegar.

I had two DC then from my first marriage and so we didn't book a late into the night thing. Lots of guests stayed at the hotel (again we got a good rate) and the afternoon became evening with a lot of lounging around and chatting with the kids playing happily eventually being pushed upto bed.

I guess it depends on your personal finances but £20k seams like a humungous budget for a sit down meal for 150 - 200.

My tips for budgeting would be out of season/ less common day.

Think good Friday/ school holiday weeks/ winter wedding. The other thing is when you check out venues for your sit down meal just say its for a big family gathering when you're getting initial pricing. People seam to add pounds when you say wedding.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/04/2013 22:10

Decide what you will compromise on and what you won't.

For us we wouldn't compromise on the church, photography or honeymoon (wanted to do something we might not do again). Everything else was done on a smaller budget to make the three things above possible.

You can get married on any budget you want, big or small. You will find ways to save money or splurge it; it's up to you want you want and what you can/want to spend.

However, it's one day of the whole of your life.

If DH's grandad was still alive, I'd offer to rent him out to you to do the video. He filmed the whole of our wedding from the pew, standing up and sitting down with everyone. All I need on the video is the hymn lyrics along the bottom and I could sell it as a sing-along wedding DVD Grin The unplanned, spontaneous things made our wedding day and they would have happened whether we spent £5k or £50k.

ivanapoo · 27/04/2013 23:22

120 people, hired a fantastic waterside restaurant (2 floors), £8k 3 years ago.

We decided great food and a meaningful ceremony were important to us so spent time and money getting that right. Everything else was done on a budget.

It's up to you but personally unless you have it going spare in which case can you lend me a fiver? I think YABU to spend even 15k.

LittleMissLucy · 28/04/2013 01:48

I don't understand why people are judging what you might want to spend. That's entirely your business.

ComposHat · 28/04/2013 01:54

Because it is called am I being unreasonable and the poster aaked if 30 thousand was too much to spend.

plinkyplonks · 28/04/2013 01:58

LittleMissLucy - I don't think people are judging! Of course it's up to the OP to decide how much she spends! But she's posted requesting people's opinions on saving money and choosing venues and people are posting some really good ideas on saving money and how much she could set aside for the wedding.

The 'wedding' event has been commercialised so much to the extent that its worth while reminding people it's the marriage part thats important not the wedding!! I live around the London area and I am staggered at how much some venues are charging for the event hire let alone set meal costs! For that reason I chose to get married in my home town, closer to my family and significantly cheaper than London prices.

LittleMissLucy · 28/04/2013 02:39

Thanks plinkyplonks I had forgotten the AIBU element.

Beaverfeaver · 28/04/2013 05:34

About £10k last year. 50 guests, hired out a smallish boutique hotel for two days and fed everyone and put everyone up for that

Itchywoolyjumper · 28/04/2013 08:45

About 16k 4 years ago, including hen/stag night and honeymoon. And we did everything, pipers, a ceilidh band,
We had 80 during the day and about 250 at the dance.
We got married in the Highlands so it was all a lot cheaper than it would have been if we'd got married in the South of England where we were living at the time.
I think it also helped that weddings are traditionally about 3pm in the village we got married in so we really only had to pay for welcome drinks, dinner and a buffet.
It was all quite remote so we had to pay for transport from the church to the venue but it was quite reasonable.

TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 09:24

Just under 5k a year ago. But 1k of that was on the dress. We had 50 of our closest friends and family who were there for the whole thing. No b list guests. We got married in a hotel, big buffet for food, a dj and a singer who played for about an hour and photographer who just covered the actual wedding. A friend made the cake, we had cava for toasting, oh and we had the wedding later on in the day so we didn't have to spend as much on food.

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/05/2013 23:46

I like Tailtwister's wedding story the best. People remember weddings like that. Big weddings in traditional venues all end up the same and no-one remembers them properly anyway, apart from the bride and groom, and they never to talk to their guests properly anyway.
ExH and I got married on our 10th anniversary with our 2 small children as pageboys. Just immediate family, registry office and meal at a really lovely and very old hotel. Cost well under a grand and was perfect. Marriage only lasted 3 years and I am soooooo glad that we didn't spend shedloads on a crowdpleaser event - we had the day we wanted without buying into the whole ridiculous wedding industry.
OP just go for whatever makes you happy.

Iwantmybed · 05/05/2013 00:11

$800. Total for the sunset beach wedding In Maui inc hair and 400 photos.
£4500 to get out there and 2 weeks accommodation.

Baiji · 05/05/2013 07:39

I'm assuming that either you already have 80k + in savings for your childrens university degrees

Or

Or that your children are unlikely to be gifted enough to secure a place on a degree course.

That being the case, do what you like with your credit cards money.

Figgygal · 05/05/2013 07:44

If you want that wedding as described in op with that many people (and that is a lot of people) then you are looking at 30k easily im afraid.

I had a country house hotel in 2007 80 people in day 130 at night which cost £16k in 2007.

Featherbag · 05/05/2013 07:53

Our wedding was £6k in total, with 100 guests at the evening reception (in the function room of local pub to keep costs down with hot & cold buffet) and 50-60 guests at the ceremony and 3-course meal after (this included coffee, cocktails after the ceremony, champagne and wine with meal). People are still talking about what a fab day it was 2 years later. It was on the Saturday of a bank holiday weekend too! My advice - think 'outside the box' when looking or venues! I can't say where we got married without totally outing myself as weddings at our venue are quite few and far between (if you want to know PM me and I'll gladly tell), but it was unusual without being totally off the wall, and it was perfect! Look at local attractions, museums, that sort of place. We bought the flowers from Asda and hand-tied the bouquets and made the table decorations - total cost £70. A friend with a nice car was our driver, another friend with a good camera did photos (not one formal shot, it was fab!) and guests sent us copies of their pics too.

I didn't skimp on my dress - that was £1k.

Alligatorpie · 05/05/2013 08:13

I agree with the pp who are saying it s a ridiculous amount of money to spend for one day.
I spent less than $5000 ten years ago, and it was very low key. My aunt had a huge garden, the JP came to the house, we had a wonderful caterer, loads of booze, my mom did the cake, cousin did the music and friend was the photographer. we had 60 people.
I like the registry office suggestion, then a nice meal / party in a local restaurant - as posh as you like it.
If i was invited to a £30 000 wedding with a couple who had been together ten years and had dc's, I would think it was a waste of money. Even if your mortgage was paid off and your kids uni funds were secured, I would still think that. Sorry, but you asked.