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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to go to the pub 30 metres away with a video monitor.

344 replies

HoveDad · 25/04/2013 12:04

I live in a terrace of houses and ten doors down is a really nice pub that does great food. Would it be horribly irresponsible to leave the kids (8,4 and 2) home alone with a video (+audio) monitor watching the doors to the bedrooms, toilet and hallway? One of us could be home within one minute of seeing / hearing a child but in the mean time we could be sat having a couple of pints and a tasty meal with friends with a laptop/ipad on the table showing what's going on in the house.
I suspect this isn't ok and haven't suggested it to my wife yet but wanted to canvas opinions. You could get the kit to do this for ~ £100 which is what 4 baby sits would cost.

OP posts:
Iggi101 · 28/04/2013 12:06

TheRhubarb they have no intention of doing it as a one-off, as monitor costs price of 4 nights babysitting.
So the maths changes a little. And if it works once, why not do it every week?

SpanishFly · 28/04/2013 13:53

and most risk stems from something thats a necessity - ie the school run is a necessity, crossing a road is a necessity, etc etc. Leaving them unattended to get a meal and a couple of pints is not.

I still dont believe for one second that all eyes and ears would be glued to a monitor if out with friends in a pub. Hmm

THERhubarb · 29/04/2013 10:54

We shall have to agree to differ there. I have done this and it has been on a few occasions and yes, the monitor was there in front of us and one of us would nip out every half hour just to check on them and make sure the other person could hear clearly on the monitor.

It depends what kind of parents you are, what kind of pub you will be in, etc. Lots of factors.

And no, crossing a road is not a necessity. I could drive him and we would be much safer, protected by a steel cage. I choose to walk him to school even though I know that some of the walk is a potential hazard. I do all I can to keep him out of harm's way however.

Not every choice we make is a necessity. It's not necessary to go out and leave them at all really is it? It's not strictly necessary to get a babysitter - after all why leave them with a family friend when stats show they are more likely be abused by someone within the family? If we are to be paranoid here let's analyse the risks shall we? Babysitters pose more of a threat than abduction.

We take unnecessary risks every day. I let my 2 now aged 12 and 9 to walk alone to the shop and back. That is a risk as they could be abducted or get run over. I could go myself but I choose to send them so they can learn independence. I also let them play in the field where they make dens in the scrubbery. They could have an accident here or find some needles (there is a crack addict who lives nearby) but I choose to allow them to roam around because again, it provides them with skills.

I choose to take time out with my husband at times because this is good for our relationship and if we are happy as a couple then I believe we make better parents.

I no longer have to worry about going out and leaving them at home alone, but I have done so about 9 or 10 times in their lifetimes. As I said, in France it's more acceptable than it is here. Perhaps they have a different attitude or are simply not as paranoid.

I think if a parent has gone to the extent of buying video monitoring equipment then they are the kind of parent who would eliminate as many risk factors as they can, who would also check on their children and who would put a great deal of thought into that decision. Asking on Mumsnet for advice is another sign of a conscientous parent.

Sparkie1 · 22/10/2016 08:33

Hi guys this is my first post here. My daughter is 8, I seperated from my wife in July after finding out she has been having an affair for over a year. My daughter went on the family holiday to Portugal with my wife and have only just returned. My daughter informed me that whilst in Portugal my wife and her friend plus daughter that she went with left the 2 girls alone in the hotel room for a couple of hours to sort some paperwork outside of the hotel. She told me that after some time they decided to leave the room to go to the front desk in reception to ask if they knew where their mothers had gone? As they were wandering through the hotel the mothers were returning to the room and by chance saw the girls. When my wife approached the girls she slapped my daughter and told her she shouldnt have left the room, that it was my daughters fault, that she must not inform me of what happened, or I would prevent her from going abroad with her again.
I thank God that the girls did not encounter any predatory characters that could have been present in the hotel. I thank him that my daughter was returned safely to the UK unharmed. However, I feel insecure that at anytime that my daughter is with my wife now, she may be left in mortal danger.

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 08:39

I can't actually believe anyone would consider doing this.

If you're in doubt - imagine something bad did happen. One of them falls down the stairs, gets frightened and manages to run out into the street and get run over, a fire happens, etc.

Imagine that in the news the next day, and you trying to justify it to the police, the media and the vigilantes.

Would you be able to justify yourself? Really? Bollocks you would. Highly irresponsible and unnecessary. I'm not a helicopter parent or a general busybody by any means but if I knew of a neighbour doing this, i'd probably call SS.

NerrSnerr · 22/10/2016 08:41

Sparkie this is a really old thread, you'll be better off starting your own thread so people won't read pages of posts before they get to you.

Sparkie1 · 22/10/2016 08:46

Ok thankyou fir the adviceSmile

Sparkie1 · 22/10/2016 08:50

Yes I agree with you. I am fighting for Joint custody at the moment, as she only wants me to have access every other weekend and a few hours in the week so I can do homework with her. She is treating me as if i were the guilty party Angry

Inarightpickleandchutney · 22/10/2016 08:56

Don't do it.

Does the pub not offer take out? Could one of you not go collect the food?

Inarightpickleandchutney · 22/10/2016 08:57

Gah! Sorry for posting on zombie thread

FunkinEll · 22/10/2016 09:03

Can't you order food from the pub, one of you pays/ brings it home and then eat it. One of you can bring the plates back and even grab a pint or two. It's only 90 seconds away.

Sparklingbrook · 22/10/2016 09:04

Best to start a new thread. This one is 3 years old. People will not read it all and just respond to old OP.

DurhamDurham · 22/10/2016 09:19

You won't know whether they need you just from looking at images of their bedroom doors. What happens if the two year old wakes and needs you? Or is sick? I know it's highly unlikely but it's just not worth the risk for the sake of a pint and pub meal.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 22/10/2016 09:24

It's 10 houses away. That's a BIG distance if there was an emergency. Just don't please.

GrinchyMcGrincherson · 22/10/2016 09:26

Ffs didn't spot the zombie.

toptoe · 22/10/2016 09:26

ZOMBIE THREAD

Silvercatowner · 22/10/2016 09:32

I wouldn't do this. Not because of the minuscule risk of an eagle swooping in to carry off my child, but because I wouldn't want to sit in the pub staring at a monitor all evening. Doesn't sound like a fun, relaxing evening at all.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/10/2016 09:41

Get a babysitter! The video camera won't be able to call an ambulance or anything or grab a child if it's in danger now will it??!!

Flisspaps · 22/10/2016 09:41

ZOMBIE THREAD

Ilove · 22/10/2016 09:42

I'm sure you've realised by now that it's a daft idea, stemming probably from sheer desperation to have a more 'normal' life again.

I just wanted to address your point of "stuff happens rarely (fire, accidents, etc)

It actually doesn't. I'm an ofsted registered Nanny, and I'm also a "fast responder".

When a 999 call goes through to an area more than 3 miles (i think) away from an ambulance station, in remoter villages etc, we (volunteer and VERY highly trained) fast responders can be dispatched, and we get there and start to deal with the issue while the "proper" paramedics are on their way - sometimes it can take 90 minutes for a 'big' ambulance to arrive. The amount of times folk are taken ill in a pub/restaurant/road, or knocked over, or ANYTHING, is amazing. And scary, sometimes.

So if you're having a heart attack, or a stroke, or you've collapsed, or been knocked over, or anything, how the hell do we know you have three children at home alone? Say you manage to tell me you have kids - I'd assume there was a sitter with them (see sitters.co.uk for folk like me to help you)

If i realised they were alone, how would I get in? We'd HAVE to get the police and SS out - please, don't assume that nothing will happen.

Folk who died last night had plans for this morning. The ones in teh accidents this morning had plans an hour later. I'm sounding preachy, I'm sorry, but it is just not worth it.

wellhereweare · 22/10/2016 09:43

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE
ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Ilove · 22/10/2016 09:44

FFS. Didn't spot the zombie

SuperFlyHigh · 22/10/2016 09:50

Apologies didn't see date zombie!!!

Sara107 · 22/10/2016 09:52

I think the fact you're re asking the internet instead of your wife suggests she won't t go along with this!

n0ne · 22/10/2016 09:56

I've actually done similar to this, but just with the one child. Our neighbourhood has an annual street party. When it got to DD(3)'s bedtime, I put her to bed, turning on an app on my phone that calls you if a sensor in the bedroom is activated, then went back to the party. The party was 50 yards down the street from our house. I also went and checked on her every 20 mins. Me and DH were fine with this.

But not sure how that works with 3 kids.

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