AIBU to be totally peed of with partners flippant comment...

[shelli135]

So I am 36 weeks pregnant with second child, and really want to give breast feeding a good go, as I feel I gave up too easily the first time around.

So my partners best friends just had a baby...... They are on the phone and my partner asks his friend if his girlfriend is breastfeeding... To which his friend replies 'yes'... And then to my utter astonishment while I am sat right next to him my partner replies 'oh that's good you don't have to do anything at all' and laughs!!!!!!!!

Am I being a total hormonal pregnant cow or am I right to be completely pissed of ??

He knows I am nervous about coping with a toddler and a newborn.

Grrr had to vent my anger on something other than banging about and clattering dishes.

Some people could say this and it would be a harmless joke. Others it carries more weight.

It depends which group your DP fits into.

If my DH said that I wouldn't worry about it. I would know it was a joke because my DH does tons with the kids.

If your DP is a good Dad and helpful partner, I would assume it's a joke

Presumambly he was actually joking. However, the problem with 'jokes' like that is that they're often a cover for a semi-truth.

You need to make it clear that while you will be carrying the load when it comes to feeding, there is PLENTY of stuff he, as the other 50% parent, will be able to do.

Do make it clear that you do need lots of help seeing as you'll be taking sole charge of feeding. With DCs 1 and 2 my ex wasn't overly helpful, he would do things but only if asked (nagged!) so I was run ragged. Fast forward to DC3 with new partner, he was far more hands on and didn't need any nagging whatsoever. The difference this time round I am sure has contributed to me breast feeding this baby and she's now nearly 5 months. With the other two I stopped after a couple of weeks. I'm not saying their different approaches were the sole reason for it working for me this time round but I think it has been a factor.
So YANBU but use it as a basis to have a chat about how actually there is plenty he can do, just not feeding! Good luck.

I just feel (apart from exhausted) like I will have carried our child for 9 months while working and looking after DS and also doing most housework, and because I'm a hairdresser that apparently isn't a 'proper' job. Stood on your feet for 8 hours a day is tiring! I am on maternity now tho....then be breastfeeding all day and night while he's snoring away!!!

At the moment I just feel resentment towards him and now I feel like I'm not going to want to give it a try. Nothing is changing with him, his body, he doesnt have to give birth and be effing sore for 2 week after. Even after the baby is here, he feels like he won't have to do anything because iv said I'm breastfeeding.

I think I am being OTT and need to go to bed he is a great dad to our DS... Argh

Hormones!!

*he is a great dad to our DS... Argh

Hormones!!*

Hormones indeed. If he is a great dad, he will continue to be so and not just do nothing. I would have hit him with the nearest solid object though, just to stop his mouth running away with him.

YANBU - that's because I would never argue with a woman in her 3rd trimester

Sleep it off tonight (if you can sleep) and look at it tomorrow to see how you feel. If you still feel the same you need to speak to him about how you feel.

I think the comment is a "joke" but a conversation needs to take place at some point between now and the baby arriving about your expectations once newborn arrives (not necessarily about his flippant "joke" but about how you perceive his role once the new baby comes along).

Like you say, there are so many other things to do apart from feeding when a newborn arrives- he needs to support you where he can and not think that he gets off lightly because you've chosen to breastfeed.

I BF'd, DH would take DS and change his nappy then give him to me. He was awake quite a bit, tbh, though obviously not as much as I was.

Also, when you say he's a great dad, I assume that means he does his share of childcare and won't roll eyes and mutter when he finds himself having to entertain the older child a bit more than usual? Not to mention fetching you drinks biscuits while you feed.

If so, then I'd assume it was just a poor joke.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am going to take your advice and sleep on it. I'm new to mumsnet and was reluctant to post but glad I have now , thanks