To be wary of this guys behaviour and what do I do / say?!

[GlassofRose]

Not a regular poster but I've recently had one date and could do with some input!! Am I unreasonable to be wary of this guy?! and what would you say to him?

Been single and plodding along for a while and got back in touch with an old childhood friend after bumping into him on a train (I'm starting to think you should never get back in touch ever haha). After about 3 weeks of chatting online, exchanging numbers, I thought he was all very much like me with same interests, humour etc so I okayed a date when he spontaneously asked if I wanted to meet him "tomorrow" after work for dinner; Now comes the downfall!

I organised myself to be free and met him on way home from work thinking as we're up the city we'd get a drink / food. Easy right? He suggests dinner at mine Flustered I say I haven't got much in need to do a shop and lets just get something to eat out. End up having rather awkward conversation - half flows well but other half of him going on a tangent about whatever he's talking about. Thought maybe it was just nerves as he's quite an intelligent man.

Automatically I pull out my purse as the bill arrives because It's just natural to me look up and he's very slowly looking like he's considering pulling out his wallet, so I just hand over my card and pay for it and have done with it. Then he starts exclaiming how no woman has ever paid for his meal and is all beaming at me.

Rather awkwardly he ends up coming back to mine for a drink... how I allowed this I don't know. I certainly didn't utter the words come back to mine! Over a cup of tea, we have yet more awkward conversation and luckily the tele is on to diffuse it a bit. I seemed to learn all about his ex partners and at quarter to 12 I'm wondering when he's going to piss off so I say "Don't you have work tomorrow" and he says "Yeah, I'll be fine" with no intent on going... So for the next couple of hours I'm saying "Tomorrows going to be hard to concentrate I'm knackered" he's still not taking the hint he leans in to kiss me and I laugh and back away, he tries several times whilst trying to get my bra off! I stand up and say right well I need some kip if I'm ever getting up tomorrow and his reply "I suppose I can get the nightbus". In a bid to just get rid of him I say "I'll drive you" so at 4am I drive him home eyes hanging out of my head.

Oddest "Date" I've ever had and so taken a back by the events unfolding i really don't think I was my usual assertive and upfront self. I thought my body language etc was quite obviously a "No, thanks". Clearly he didn't read any of these signs and has been texting non stop. I've limited replies to the odd polite one, but still he advances with all sorts of crap. In fact at 5:30am this morning he sent 8 consecutive messages! Even pictures of himself after the gym, the sky... To his sky I replied " nice view, mine is my pillows because It's 5 fucking thirty am and I'm sleeping!" he replied "trying to tempt me in to bed you little temptress?"

What on earth would you say to a bloke like this? I'm dumbfounded. My replies this week (if I've actually replied) have been sledgehammer blunt. He may be academically intelligent but he's a social retard... what the hell do I say?!

[expatinscotland]

What Amberleaf said.

There is nothing impolite about, 'I am not interested in you. Do not contact me any further,' when a person refuses to take a hint and will not go away. 8 texts in a row at 5.30AM?! Constant texts otherwise?

This is not about her behaviour, it's about his, being a person who does not respect her boundaries and stalks her. And a lot of times, people like this do not realise what they are, the same way some rapists do not, because they are self-centred twats who think what they want supercedes everyone and everything else.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

My sons are on the autistic spectrum and they understand 'I don't want to see you again'.

There's nothing about having autism at a level that means you can talk, live independently and hold down a job as a lawyer that means you cannot understand that when someone tells you they don't want to see you again - that means they don't want to see you again

If you are so severely autistic that you don't understand language - you are likely to be living in supported accommodation, with a support worker.

[GlassofRose]

Thank you for all of your responses!

To whoever it was that mentioned autism: He's not autistic; as children we were quite similar as we were quite grown up for our age and had different eclectic tastes compared to other children and it was indeed our mutual tastes that sparked this meet up. However, A couple of years back I actually worked with children under the autistic spectrum and I see why you've asked. In fact I did wonder at first if he had a problem with other peoples signals as he did seem a bit socially awkward. The continued ignorance and vanity of sending me pictures of his legs because he's off for a run, or himself in the bloody bath, or the fact he ignores quite obvious rejection says twat to me.

I haven't yet contacted the police, I'm not sure I need to!

Messaged him tonight, assertive and appeal to the fact he's a lawyer who probably doesn't need any hassle from police:

I didn't at all enjoy the date and your behaviour then and since has been unacceptable. I don't wish to date you, go out for meals, catch up, keep in touch or even so much as bump into you. Please do not contact me anymore. Just to clarify where I stand:I shall be notifying the police of your behaviour which constitutes as harassment.

No reply!!! fingers crossed

[expatinscotland]

That is pretty clear, Glass! Good on you! Now I hope he backs the fuck off and leaves you alone.

[Borntobeamum]

Can I urge you to tell a real life friend too.
It's unlikely he will make a pest of himself after that text, but please log it somewhere if you choose not to notify the police x

[GlassofRose]

Thank you,

I have told a friend who knew about the date, hadn't told her how bad it was until now out of embarrassment. She did a bit of a WTF, but at him and not me thankfully.

[LessMissAbs]

What an odd, odd man!

[expatinscotland]

If she had done it at you, she wouldn't have been a true friend. :) Glad you have some support IRL, too.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

Wow! He sounds like a total jerk!

I worked with someone like this. He had decided that unless a woman actually said 'no'! Then she obviously meant 'yes!'

So, he would back off if told but most women never said no outright as they thought it was too rude and unnecessarily blunt.

Sometimes, Blunt is the only way to be!

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

'Sex pest stalker' is dead right, btw, Amberleaf!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

He sounds like a creepy arse..not autistic

[ImperialBlether]

I read all that with my mouth wide open. What kind of man asks you out for dinner then expects you to cook it and lets you pay for it? It was his idea!

I can see why you took him home (only way to get him out of the house) but fucking hell, again, what kind of a man would let someone take him home at 4 am and then send texts at 5.30, despite knowing she's desperate for sleep?

This man is a lunatic. Your final message to him was very brave and to the point. You must have been at your wits' end. I would log it with the police just in case he turns up at your house. If he does, it'll be proof he has real problems, so please don't answer the door.

[walesdaff]

You should not have invited him back most men see this as a come on (annoying but true). Just ignore him.

[GlassofRose]

Walesdaff - I didn't invite at all! He got on the tube with me and never got off at his stop... very very very very awkward weird. I had no idea what to say! I thought perhaps because I said I had nothing to eat at home so lets eat out made him think he was still welcome at my home?! I don't know.


Imperial - perhaps you're right, safer than sorry to just log it. I wouldn't answer the door, I wouldn't even like to imagine what could happen.

[JudgeJodie]

Well that text can't be misunderstood! Well done OP.
not sure if anyone has mentioned, but I am sure that lawyers etc have a professional standard to maintain even away from work. He would probably get more grief from whatever professional body he is a member of than the police, who tbf, may have a word with him but would be limited in what they could actually do at this stage.
Worth bearing in mind, but hopefully this will be a story to look back, laugh at and learn from!

[DoctorAnge]

Good for you OP. I hope you never see this little twerp again.
Expat your posts have been spot on here. Lots of good advice.

[expatinscotland]

It does not matter what you did, Glass. No means no. I have taught both my daughter and son this and put it into practice, when it comes to their bodies and personal space, and those of others, no means no and no other answer is acceptable and the wrong is always on the part of the one who does not respect that and my son, age 4, likely autistic as well. He fully understands.

Do you have children? I have a daughter left to me. Only one, her sister is dead. I teach both her and my son that their person is their own, and they are entitled to do what they will with it so long as they harm no other. And to countenance only similar behaviour. One who does not respect who they are and their person deserves nothing but to get gone.

You are some mother's daughter. You are special to her, vital to her.

There are 7bn people in this world. Life is too short to waste time of fuckwits who do not care enough about you to respect your boundaries of space and comfort.

[AnAirOfHope]

I think you need to let the police know and log it anyway but hoping the txt works.

Could you get a personal alarm off the police just in case and make sure you can see who is at your door or get a lock? Also keep your phone by you at all times for a few weeks. Take care of your self and good luck. He sounds like a nut job.

[OrlaKiely]

Just want to clarify that I'm in NO way trying to make it about her behaviour...I don't believe that and I wasn't trying to say that.

I was thinking of it from the OP's point of view, in terms of what she was most comfortable with and what she thought would get her the results she wants without some kind of backlash.

Which wouldn't be her fault if it happened.

I hope this makes sense. I would HATE to be thought to be blaming her in any way for anything he might do.

[OrlaKiely]

and in fact the OP WAS polite. She kept her cool while stating the facts and informing him of her position.

I don't see the problem with that.

[Lazyjaney]

Sounds like he either cant read signals well or deliberately pushes boundaries, hard to tell - but not paying at least half is a definite alarm bell anyway.

[LottieJenkins]

Another vote here for contacting the police..............I had a similar experience a few years ago. A guy took me out twice and then decided to tell me he had a gf so i told him to get on his bike. forward a few weeks and I was very ill on the sofa with a lung infection. He decided to ring me at 4pm when he had spent all lunchtime in the pub. I told him to get lost and slammed the phone down. Two hours later he started texting me with "i love you" "i miss you" "i want you back" I told him to leave me alone and he carried on and totally freaked me out. I rang the police for advice and they said they could issue a harrasment warning order as he had continued after i had asked him to stop.....I decided to see what happened that night and i never heard from him again thankfully!

[PurplePidjin]

To all the posters asking if this man has some kind of social communication or autistic spectrum disorder...

No, this man is merely a monumental twat. The markers for Autism do not mean a person acts like a sex pest and potential rapist, nor does it make a person act selfish, entitled or narcissistic. Please don't muddle the two.

OP, good luck. You've been advised by better people than me and i hope he buggers off pronto!

[seeker]

You have told the police, haven't you, OP?

[ladythatlunches]

My message was a idea.

Men like this cab be very nasty. Without the pokice involved abd considering he knows where she lives I thought her saying she was with someone else would make him back off!!!

Like I said a idea. Op obviously doesn't need to take my advice. I have never been in this situation and would find it very frightening hence the nice approach in hoping not to piss him off before police were involved.