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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my PIL inviting people around to my house when I'm not there?

51 replies

Snufflebabe · 23/04/2013 18:36

PIL look after our DD a couple of days a week, which we are very very grateful for. Up until now (2 years) it has always taken place at their own house. I drop off and pick up after work.

We moved last week, and PIL asked to start bringing her back to our new house for her tea.

As much as I hate the thought of people being in my house when I'm not there, they are actually trying to help us as house is further away, so of course, I am happy to do whatever they wish.

I'm just home to be told they had SIL around to house and showed her around. SIL aren't close, she is a bone idle opinionated so and so, and asa such, would just rather she wasn't in my home when I wasn't there. PIL continue to push a relationship between us.

I'm hacked off that they think it's ok to have people in our home when we aren't there.

Im wary of saying anything as I know how lucky we are that they are able and happy to do so much childcare.

Do I put up and shut up? Do I nip this in the bud now?

OP posts:
HorryIsUpduffed · 23/04/2013 18:38

YANBU - it would be presumptuous enough if you were good friends with SIL.

If they want SIL to see DD, they invite her to their house when DD is there.

Weird!

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 23/04/2013 18:40

I don't think you should put up and shut up. It's your home and they need to respect your wishes which you should make clear to them. Def nip it in the bud.

EeyoreIsh · 23/04/2013 18:41

YANBU.

My lovely MIL popped around one day I was working at home. With a friend. Without calling first. She thought I wasn't in that day.

I was absolutely Angry

Your home is your home. If they want to invite people around, ask you first.

Chucksteak · 23/04/2013 18:44

I would be really pissed of if my PIL did that to me.

Your home is exactly that - YOUR home and you get to decide who comes round to visit.

YANBU!

Cheeky feckers!!

GuffSmuggler · 23/04/2013 18:46

I don't know, they are doing you are a massive favour and you are saying they can't have a cup of tea with, presumably, their daughter whilst looking after your DD? So I think YAB a bit U.

They will just think if they were at their own house they could do this so I think it will come across very badly if you start saying they can't see family at your house

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2013 18:49

YANBU. No one should be in your home without your permission. However, I am nosy and want to know why your SIL being bone idle; affects you; makes you dislike her?

reelingintheyears · 23/04/2013 18:49

Unless they're rooting through your knicker drawer then i don't see the problem,it's unlikely she'll be there every time they child mind for you.

Eyeore,that is very different,to go to your house and take a friend because she thinks you aren't in is very rude.

Original poster
Snufflebabe · 23/04/2013 18:49

I should add - they are LOVELY people, who I get on with very well.

SIL is their other DIL.

OP posts:
lopsided · 23/04/2013 18:50

Hmm its tricky its not just anyone its your child's aunt. They push the relationship because they love their daughter too.

If you don't like it you should probably revert to the old arrangement, to mention it means saying you don't like sil. 2 days childcare is a massive and generous commitment worth around 400 quid a month here.

Cosmosim · 23/04/2013 18:51

So your husband's parents invited his sister to your husband's home while they looked after their grandchild as a favour and for free? It's your husband's family. Does he act so entitled and is so rude to your family when they are helping?

MrsDeVere · 23/04/2013 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badguider · 23/04/2013 18:54

I wouldn't be keen but if my ILs were babysitting at my house, as a favour to me, I wouldn't feel I could prevent them from having a visitor, particularly family. I'd just suck it up and try not to think about it too much.

thegreylady · 23/04/2013 19:09

Gosh when I am looking after dgs for the afternoon I often have playdates for him without checking with dd first.The mums come and have a cuppa with me and the dc play together;dd never minds at all.I wouldn't think twice about a relative. Some weird families on here Confused

Chucksteak · 23/04/2013 19:11

EeyorIsh - why did your Mil bring her friend to your house?

OP - have the key back and pick up your DD from PIL house. They can't be trusted. They need to respect your boundaries.

thestringcheesemassacre · 23/04/2013 19:14

It wouldn't bother me. Especially if it's accompanied with free childcare.
I like my family to be comfortable in my home, as I am in theirs. My MIL once did an overnight babysit and brought her best friend to stay too.

I am quite relaxed about these things though.

digerd · 23/04/2013 19:16

OP did say SIL is the DIL if PIL, not their own DD and op's DH's SIL, not sister.

digerd · 23/04/2013 19:17

opps of PIL

pregnantpause · 23/04/2013 19:17

Dsil cones for a cup of tea in your house while dpil babysitting there-fine, as tgey grlp you, to complain would be silly and cutting nose of to spite face.

Dpils Showing dsil around your house- not fine, in fact implies that they wander freely while there, through your bedrooms etc. not on.

pregnantpause · 23/04/2013 19:18

They help you. Not grlp you.

MushroomSoup · 23/04/2013 19:20

I think YABU to mind who they have round for a cuppa.

I think YADDDNBU to not want them giving people a tour of your house!

BackforGood · 23/04/2013 19:21

SiL is hardly 'people'. Your title suggests they have different friends round day after day.
I actually thin YABabitU. If they are kind enough to commit to looking after your dc, and now saving you the hassle of even having to collect her, I think you should suck up the fact they might want to spend an hour with another relation of theirs while they happen to be in your house, tbh.

pepperrabbit · 23/04/2013 19:21

YANBU.
My MIL is not allowed a key to our house as she would do precisely that - and give guided tours. I have on one occasion discovered her in the back garden with a friend peering through the windows Hmm. But this is also why we do not ask her to help with the kids on a regular basis.
However - they are providing free childcare and maybe had good reason to see her that day? Ask them to let you know first if other people are to be there, I'd use a cover like, wanting to make sure the house was presentable or some such, so as not to upset anyone.

Bobyan · 23/04/2013 19:23

The funny thing is I would go ballistic if my pils did this but I couldn't careless if my parents did...

digerd · 23/04/2013 19:26

Most women are nosey < inquisitive>. I admit I am very interested in other people's homes. Would never open drawers ,
wardrobes or touch things, though.

My SIL will read letters and notices lying around on tables or on top of drawers. And curtain twitch at my neighbours .
But can't bear being seen while in the garden, where she insists on her privacy. Shock

LillianGish · 23/04/2013 19:28

YABU. As you say yourself you are lucky they are able and happy to do so much childcare. I think the price you pay for this sort of free childcare is that you don't get to dictate the rules in the same way you would if you were paying someone to do the job.

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