To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

[oopnorthlass]

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.

I'll come as long as we can play board games too :)

Firstly it is your hen do so you should above all be comfortable with what goes on. You could always book something like an hour driving off road vehicles to add something to the weekend and incorporate the L plate theme into that. If I was going I would love the hot tub and champagne but after a day doing something energetic or different.

I went to London for mine, posh cocktails and a show on the Saturday, Petticoat Lane market and train home on the Sunday.

It does sound nice, I'm not a L plate and striper type of person either. But if you where my friend, I wouldn't be going. Never liked the idea of holidays away from my family and I'd rather spend the money on my family rather than someone else's hen weekend. When did all this weekend away thing come about anyway ? What's wrong with a meal out ? Maybe your friends are just trying to tell you its all way to expensive.

It sounds great! I'll come!

If they've got kids then giving up a weekend for your hen do is a big thing. An afternoon and evening far less so. From your perspective this is naturally the biggest event this year but as they're already going to be dedicating a weekend to your wedding, adding another one on for the hen do (plus query a third if their partner will be going away for a stag do) is quite a lot.

It sounds great to me, but I'm old!

Could you get them to suggest what they think would make it more fun and then see if you can incorporate their ideas and reach a compromise?

sounds lovely...I didn't have a hen anything coz I cldnt afford it plus I knew my 'friends' wld let me down which they did by not turning up to the wedding page in wedding album for photos with friends is empty

Sounds like bliss!

I hate hen parties and usually find a way to get out of them but I'd be right up for your weekend.

I think a weekend away is too long - especially for those who have kids. And all the activities you mention - except perhaps the walking - could be done at home. I too would probably decline this.
How far is the cottage from where you all live? Perhaps a select few go for whole weekend and then invite rest down for the Saturday and focus all your energy into maki g this a fun day.
Otherwise it all sounds a bit too long and open ended.

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap than to the whole 'L-plate' thing though.

I always laugh when you say that worra

tbh OP i think the cottage idea isn't that great the rest sounds fine but maybe a hotel would be better and you can all go out and do your thing I wouldn't go in a hot tub anyway but maybe ask your friends what they fancy doing, except the L plate garter get up I would take on board what they want to do

This sounds very similar to what I organised for my best friend's hen except we went to Center Parcs which worked really well as there were so many activities on site that people could go off and do something adventurous or just go to the spa and there were plenty of places to eat and even a mini nightclub to have a boogie for an hour!

Please don't feel pressurised to have a hen do that you don't want - it's meant to be about you and preparing you for your big day!

Dump your friends, it's your weekend. It sounds perfect.
Rude friends to suggest boring.

I think it depends who's going. The cottage weekends work well when it's a tight knit group of friends who maybe don't see one another as often as they like, so just mooching around chatting and drinking, with the odd walk to the pub thrown in is great. If the group is more fragmented, with people who only know the bride, it can be more difficult.

Your description of the weekend sounds nice but two days and nights of 'chilling out' would bore me senseless especially when I've gone to the trouble and expense of arranging to be there. And I say this as another who hates tacky L plate/stripper type hen nights too.

Why don't you rent a cottage in or near a town/village so you can have one big fun boozy night out at the local pub. I adore night's out in country pubs.

Dump your friends, it's your weekend. It sounds perfect.
Rude friends to suggest boring.

And do what? Go alone?

It's not rude to suggest you'd be bored on a weekend that involves no activities that you'd be interested in...it's honesty.

I'd prefer my friends to be honest than to make excuses to not go.

I think it sounds lovely however I do think as others have said that whilst its not 'boring' your friends may be hoping for an actual night out. If they all have family, then they probably were looking forward to getting dressed up. Also can all of them make it for a whole weekend? I'd be reluctant to do two nights away, and my lot arent babies (3 and 6)
If you are determined to do this (and why not - its your hen night!) then how about finding somewhere that is close enough for everyone to have a night out and then retired to the cottage for all night chatting and drinking? Dont expect them to do two nights though.

I found a place for my friends belated 40th last year (she was busy having a baby on her actual 40th so delayed by a year!) called Coppid Beech. Quite cheesy, BUT everyone absolutely loved it. The package was about £85. Room, meal, club entry included.
Stay in the hotel (lovely twin rooms). Does have a pool and hot tub and sauna (not best quality but fine) And restaurants/bars/clubs on site. If you don't want the tackly L-plate style, you choose the 'refined' restaurant for your meal which is what we did. Then we had a boogie later on. Part of the fun was hanging around in the rooms getting ready to go 'out'.

Personally I would join in with anything i'd been invited to without complaint i'd do the wine and chocolate spa day, or i'd do the night on the town pissed as farts. I'd just be grateful to be included in a hen do!

In your case OP, i'm wondering if indeed it's the length of the arrangement that your friends have issues with - 'specially if they have kids. Even though i would be happy to take part in any activity i would struggle with a whole weekend of it because of the logistics.

a whole hen weekend???

Sounds expensive

I have a DS and am going away for a hen weekend, staying in a cottage. It's perfectly doable. My friends with kids came on my hen weekend away.

You might need to check that people can come for a whole weekend as maybe not everyone can afford it or get babysitters. Maybe some can go for one night.

Your plans sound like most of the hen weekends I've been on.

It sound like a very expensive weekend

I always thought the hen do was none of the brides business. :o Unclench and let your friends organise something. You have the honeymoon and eternity to relax.

fwiw it isn't the weekend that i would be unhappy with just all the 'chilling out' would bore me, I have been on hen weekends mine included and although not wild or anything just quite busy and drunken

I had a similar hen do - and LOVED every minute!

Mine was an all day / overnight job - with this rough plan

Meet up at X pub for lunch
Go on to activity centre where we did quad biking and Dirt buggies (where I set the course record )
There was a bar there and though you weren't meant to the guy dealing with us let us have a beer in between it was great fun, everyone enjoyed it

we then went back to my sisters house (I wanted local and didn't want a piss up night out) where she had hired a hot tub, set up a cocktail fountain, dance mats, a beautician for the evening and pizzas ordered

It was a really good giggle, got rather drunk and spent my time either laughing in the hot tub or making an arse of myself on the dance mat

we broke up the day so people could come to some or all of it depending on what they wanted, worked really well as family types came to just the evening and friends from a particular hobby did the pub / activities

I slept there with my oldest mate, talking into the night, then DH dropped DD over in the morning and she had a swim in the hot tub too!

ahhhhh twas a fab day

That sound like my idea of hell, sorry op. I'm shy and the thought of spending a weekend 'relaxing' with people I don't know freezes my blood.
I'm also one for the i-hate-spas camp
I don't want to shit on your weekend, but I'd decline the invite on some fake pretext. I definitely wouldn't say anything like your friends did, that's just mean.