To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

[oopnorthlass]

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.

[spanky2]

I had a meal out with friends and a couple of glasses of wine and a stripper (at my request ) !! Why are hen and stag do's so long nowadays ? I think your friends are abit rude tbh .

[CaptainSweatPants]

I doubt you can rent a cottage just for a night can you??

[CaptainSweatPants]

maybe they can only afford a night out?

are you paying for the cottage, chocolate thing and spa?

sounds like £££s to me

[MysteriousHamster]

It sounds lovely, I just would make it one night instead of two and then people won't see it as a holiday away from their family. But go for it!

[Roseformeplease]

Cottage to me sounds like arguing over the washing up. Like the sound of the other activities. Why not one night in a hotel where they can turn up just for the evening / night or for the weekend for spa activities. You should get some good deals in Feb, people can choose whether to share rooms or not and can dip in and out with a core meal / drinking.

[Bogeyface]

I live just down the road from Matlock and I wouldnt stay there tbh. I also wouldnt touch the peaks in Feburary, there is no "snow back up plan" if it snows like it did this year there will be no hen weekend as you wont be able to get there!

I agree too that a whole weekend is a lot to ask of people with children, especially if their other halves will be going to your Fiances stag do, and then they will be going to your wedding. Also, what you consider to be affordable, with your double income and no children, may be vastly different to what they consider affordable.

What would you consider to be a reasonable amount to spend per person for the weekend before extras such as drinks, meals out etc?

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

That's one of the reasons I didn't have one, the organising aspect, it was bad enough doing the wedding! I didn't really see the point as we were all going to see each other at the wedding anyway. Entire weekends away didn't seem to be the thing when my friends and I all got married 15-20 years ago though, it was usually just a meal out.

Anyway, it's not about me. You sounds as though you are being very considerate towards your friends and I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

[thistlelicker]

I think it sounds lovey for a weekend away with girls. But IMO lacks something thrilling or exciting to make it memorable! Isn't that the basis of hen nights! The last night of freedom before marriage! Hen nights vary but primarily it's your decision but I think u need to look at bigger picture

[oopnorthlass]

Wow all, I had no idea this discussion was still going!

Thanks so much for all the great feedback.

I'll take all your comments on board and make sure it's affordable, that people don't have to come for the whole weekend if they don't want, that we have a snow backup plan, and that the 'activities' are both varied and non-compulsory. Phew, this is almost as complicated as the wedding to organise!

[MrsClown1]

OP - sounds great, can I come!

[Viviennemary]

I suppose younger people would find that boring as it seems to be the thing to go clubbing and live it up. I don't think a weekend in a cottage with a bunch of women is very appealing to even older people!

[squoosh]

Try and arrange to have some sexy single farmers in the locale for the weekend. A potential roll in a hay loft would certainly encourage me to attend.

[featherbag]

If your mates aren't up for it I'll come, sounds like heaven! I was railroaded into a pub-crawl in a well-know Northern party town, not my cup of tea at all!

[DisneyDiva87]

That is pretty much what a bunch of us are doing for my pals hen do. It's way more fun to get slightly drunk together with mates, have a laugh, confess secrets and such like that to go to a club where you can't speak to each other, drink to oblivion and not remember any of it the next day. Just because your pals can't get out anymore because they have kids, that is their problem not yours so just do what you want. They'll probably enjoy it once they get there anyway.

[squoosh]

One of the key things to a successful hen weekend is not to expect all people to join in all activities.

I didn't want to learn how to pole dance so I said no to that. No one cared.

[HerRoyalNotness]

I'd really enjoy the cottage aspect of it, and some bracing walks, perhaps a quaint pub or two to stop in at. I'd probably not do the spa day.

I'd leave it loosey goosey and not organise anything, make sure you take some music, a lot of fine wine and food, a few board games, poker perhaps, and leave everyone to enjoy as they want.

[squoosh]

I don't think the friends are 'horrible'. If it was just a night out in town well then yes, go along with whatever the hen wants. But once you ask people to spend two days and two nights celebrating your upcoming nuptials well then I think they're entitled to have some input into what you do.

[BornInACrossFireHurricane]

It sounds gorgeous. I think you should forget the friends and invite some of us lot instead

[lljkk]

It's a lot of time to commit to OP. I could imagine a local spa day as a sub for a hen-do, maybe with a nice bottle of wine, but not a whole weekend of hot-tubbing far drive away.

I thought I had a boring hen-do (NB I have never been on any other hen-do and until recently had no idea they were supposed to involve raucous behaviour & copious consumption of alcohol). We just had a meal in a restaurant, some nice drink, long chat. Silly me thought that was plenty!

[GrowSomeCress]

Horrible friends sounds lovely!

All the L-plates and drinking things are just very cringey and tacky

[VenusRising]

Sorry about all the exclamation marks :)

[GreenShadow]

Sounds like an absolutely wonderful weekend - don't change your plans to suit others (apart from maybe the dodgy Peak District in Feb bit)

[VenusRising]

I think it sounds lovely!

So what your friends don't like it : it's your hen, not theirs!

I presume you sat thought the strippers for them?
Now it's their turn :)

Seriously, I'd just have a spa treatment and a meal out locally with these gals, and save the money for a trip to the fjords / safari for yourself and your soon to be DH.

Just think, you could be in a hot tub with your man, looking up at the northern lights, or watching lions from the top of a jeep, and your gal pals can get a lovely postcard!!!!!

It's a no brainer for me I'm afraid!

[Inertia]

Fleecy is right - Peak District in February is too risky in terms of weather.

Having said that, the plans for the weekend sound lovely. Nice meals, spa, pubs, bit of countryside, champagne, lovely cottage- and I would love chocolate tasting as an activity!

Anyway, it's a bit rude of your friends- unless they'd happily accept a response along the lines of 'at least it's not tacky / stupidly expensive/ brain-numbing/ excruciatingly embarrassing like yours'.

To be honest, most people wouldn't choose most hen weekend activities if they could possibly avoid it- you go along with it for the sake of the bride, which is why it's important that the bride is happy with it.

For me, the key thing is that it's well-organised. I'll put up with a tacky nightclub playing shite music, or battling through the crush in a bar, or even karaoke- but the thing that drives me insane about a hen night is 20 people standing about failing to make any bloody decisions about what to eat/ where to go/ how to get there/ how to get back/ who goes with who/ who contributes what to the bill. Can't be doing with clueless dithering and fart-arsing about.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I tend to think that if the friends are having to pay for it they do get some say, it does sounds as though it is going to cost a fortune and possibly need time off work, in top of spending money to come to the wedding.

How about cut it back to Friday night start, nice meal out, Saturday some sort of activity (whatever sounds most popular, outdoors would win my vote over spa), pub lunch or maybe lazy morning, brunch, activity and afternoon tea, go home Sunday morning. Also give people the option to arrive Saturday morning.