To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

[oopnorthlass]

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.

[squoosh]

I like decent cocktails, something quite tart, nothing Sex on the Beach-y of course. Cannot drink red wine on a night out. Carnage will occur.

[persimmon]

It's your do, have what you like. The L Plates and butler thing would make me want to stick pins in my eyes.

[shockers]

We're doing something similar for a friend's hen, but going clay pigeon shooting, pony trekking and walking during the days.

I'm really looking forward to it!

[PortHills]

we did v boozy wine tasting rather than chocolate tasting at mine. Company called 30-50 or something like that. They came out to us (Cotswolds) from London. And then we also chose the wine for the wedding - I brought the sample bottles along, and we all voted for our favourite. It was brilliant, and I liked having their input since I knew they'd be drinking most

We did also have the night out inthe local town too though, and then a bit of swimming and walking to deal with the hangovers.

[Mouseyinmyhousey]

If it's any consolation I think that your hen do sounds fab.

I think that there's nothing worse than a load of grown women running round town dressed as nurses with L plates, leering at every bloke they see.

I would love to do what you've suggested, it sounds so relaxing but you'll still have chance to chat and have a laugh, I'll come!

[Snoopingforsoup]

I think your mates need to remember their manners.
For what it's worth, my most hell raising friend did just what you're proposing for her hen and everyone had a great time. Far from boring, and we were all relieved to not have to fly to some crap place on Ryanair.
Honestly, you do what you want, your mates will come and they'll have a laugh. You've thought out different things for them to do over the duration, it's hardly the Big Brother House.

[bugsyburge]

I'm bias because this is what I did for mine but I don't think any of my friends found it boring.... particularly as they didn't all know each other so it gave everyone chance to get to know each other before the wedding... now some of them are really good friends

[squoosh]

I only do weekend long hens if they involve my pre existing friends. Can't be bothered risking an expensive weekend on people I might not like.

[Mehrida]

I've just come back from a weekend like that (not a hen do tho) and we had an awesome time. I've also been to a hen night like that and we had a good laugh then too.

I am 'the organiser' amongst my friends so I've organised loads of non-city hen dos and we usually do activities during the day, this has included everything from a verniculour railway trip to pottery classes to pole dancing lessons.

Not everyone (me included!) would necessarily enjoy everything but the point is that they should pretend make the effort to enjoy it if that's what the hen wants.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

God, your friends are rude. Manners?

Personally I would love a weekend in a cottage with my close friends - we don't get to see enough of each other now. I suppose it does depend on the mixture of people coming, and how confident the 'outsiders' are. Still, if you have, for example, a group of close friends, then a few other friends who don't know the rest, it's not as though you/your group would exclude the others, is it? You'd all try to make them feel welcome and make friends.

Fwiw, my hen do was v low-key as we were all 23 and no one had much money. My close friends came and stayed in my flat, slept on the floor like a big sleepover, and we got trashed there the first night. The second night they had booked a room in a bar and we got v dressed up (burlesque theme, corsets and feather boas - no L plates!), but tbh we were all so wrecked from the previous night that we were home by 1am!

[Elderwand]

That sounds lovely! Go for it!

For my hen do we stayed at my place and had a pamper evening, dvd's etc the following day we all did the race for life!

Good luck op!

[Crinkle77]

YANBU. I would much rather do that than spend the night traipsing round a load of bars. I can't be bothered with all that anymore.

[ouryve]

If they don't fancy it, I'd consider them uninvited and treat yourself to a spa day, instead.

[squoosh]

Oh God, if someone suggested I do the Race for Life ad a hen weekend activity I would definitely politely decline.

[Charleymouse]

Personally a couple of nights/days is something I would rather spend my money/time on with my family.

I don't know why "hen night/stag night " turned into overnighters never mind weekends and weeks in some cases.

I agree with you with regard to the traditional do, I didnt want too much of a fuss and deffo no strippers/lurid pink t-shirts and kiss me quick hats.

I didn't even have a "hen night" DH and I had a slap up meal with all the members of our wedding party (plus a few extras) followed by a drink in a pub (with some more extras). We took over a restaurant and all had a great laugh and it made the wedding nicer that all of the people who had some sort of role on the day knew other people.

Check if childcare is an issue, as I am going on a hen overnighter in May and DH is already flapping as our youngest is 3 and still BF morning and night. Not many people in real life are aware of that.

The Spa 1877 on West Street is available for private hire on Saturday nights, we considered doing something active in the day (climbing wall at The Edge) then booking the spa just for us, (it worked out at £20 per person if 20 went) followed by a meal out at BBs or somewhere round West One then a late nighter at the Comedy Club in the City Hall. This would allow people with different commitments to drop into the bits of the day/evening that appealed to their tastes and budgets.

If they want a knees up party night get them to organise one. You do what you want to do on your hen night, just don't expect everyone else to have the same tastes/budgets etc.

[LynetteScavo]

Will your fiends want to/be able to spend a couple of nights away if they have DC?

I wouldn't mind sitting around drinking and chatting, but a chocolate tasting day? That sounds painful. I'd rather just stuff a load of choclates in my mouth while I was sitting in the hot tub. I wouldn't drop any, honest!

[cardamomginger]

Sounds lovely. Can I come too?

[cheeseandchive]

Really sorry your friends seem to be being a bit too honest, it's your weekend - YANBU!

FWIW, my hen weekend was similar and had loads of girls say it was their favourite ever! We went on a canal cruise with lunch, pottered round the shops, dinner in with games and champagne and breakfast out the next day. actually wasn't very expensive either, though my parents did subsidise some of the food/wine, as people were coming from a distance and I wanted to make it affordable.

Maybe you could tell your friends you'd like a low-key weekend, but see if they have any suggestions of other activities you could also do if you wanted. Maybe a mix of activity in the day followed by night in (with games tournament/mr+mrs games/film etc?) and maybe a wander/coffee/local tourist attraction on the Sunday?

Hopefully you will be able to find that happy medium!

[PipkinsPal]

Sounds great. Even though I am in my mid 40's I would have hated, L Plates, Strippers, t-shirts emblazoned "Girls on Tour" or whatever when I was younger. It's your hen party. If your friends don't appreciate it that it's your choice then I'm afraid they don't appear to be friends who are given the honour of being your hens.

[FreudiansSlipper]

my friends hen night is a meal at a really really nice restaurant then off to a really nice cocktail bar then home

that is enough for me a whole weekend would be too much, too much pressure enjoy myself i am a grumpy bitch when i have a hangover

[Cerisier]

I am another who would decline. I don't like spas and I don't like hot tubs. A weekend of walking in the hills, with evenings in the pub would be good. I prefer one evening out rather than a whole weekend away though for this sort of thing. Women en masse can be hard work to me after a few hours unless we are very close friends.

[Cerisier]

Freudian- that sounds perfect.