to be annoyed that my friends havent helped?

[toomuchtoask]

I have just moved house. My friends are well aware I've been stressed with it. It has needed a complete refurb which wasn't expected. I haven't had a moment to think for about a month. Have any of my friends helped? Nope of course not. Even when specifically asked if they can come. Aibu to be annoyed or aibu to think they would help? They did offer but then they kept making excuses. I would help anyone out but I feel let down that I'm barely a second thought for them.

[BOF]

Maybe the ceilings were a bit low for your friends?

[kungfupannda]

I think you have very high expectations of people, OP.

I help people out when I can, but I think I'd be a bit if someone who had just bought a house was expecting me to drop everything to go and do fairly major DIY on their new home.

If I knew someone who'd had an emergency move into dire accomodation, that would be a bit different, and I'd be prioritising their urgent needs over my ongoing, everyday jobs. But someone buying a house and then finding it needs more work than they thought? I don't think it would occur to me that they might be expecting me to get someone to look after my kids so that I could turn up and lay floorboards and plaster walls.

[crashdoll]

YABU to expect practical support but YANBU to want emotional support. I'm crap with DIY and have a disability that would make it impossible anyway BUT I'd be round there with wine and chocolate. I'd turn up the radio, tell you crap jokes, offer a shoulder to cry on, I'd be there for you. Ok, not all day, every day but I'd support you in the hope you'd do the same when things were tough for me. That's what friends do!

[Bessie123]

Op, where are you? I bet some mnetters would come and help. I can put in a few hours if you are in London and not too far away

[Gerrof]

If you are as needy annoying to your friends as you are on here no wonder they aren't helping.

You have bought a house, it needs some work. You have to move your own stuff. Meh.

[YouTheCat]

I am

[OrlaKiely]

'Why are you so short?' LOL!

Oh dear, poor OP.

Digerd I don't know but wouldn't that be lovely? I'm trying to work out who you are now! Unlikely I suppose but anyway. Not superwoman - just keen on displacement activity, I'm not much good with the children!

[gotthemoononastick]

You are feeling sad and resentful of friends unhelpfulness,but you learned the great lesson that human beings could always disappoint you. If you are a generous person,this is hard to swallow! Wish I could give you a hand.

[toomuchtoask]

Thank you to those who have shown support. I am utterly aghast at some of the nastiness on here from some of the others though. How dare people take the piss out of my height. It's hardly something I fucking chose is it. FFS. The only reason I bloody commented on my height is to point out that it makes things much harder.

I won't be coming back on this thread as I feel it is actually doing me more harm than good. It certainly isn't making me feel any better.

As for those who have said I am expecting too much, perhaps I was. However you've made it sound like I'd be sitting with my feet up while my friends did my bidding. Certainly not the fucking case. An hour or so cleaning, wallpaper stripping etc would have been lovely and certainly something I would have done for others.

And for the poster who commented on my first thread. Yes my relative did help with some of the rennovations. She is now unable to help with the rest. She came down about 6 times over the month which I was enormously grateful for e.g. she was here to let the electricians in etc when I was at work. Thanks for reporting me though. Nice touch.

Thank you again to those who showed support. I am not going off in a strop but I won't hang around to be abused and distrusted. It won't do me any good.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Oh look a handy link to our talk guidelines

[TheRealFellatio]

This sounds familiar. Did you post a couple of months back complaining about your friends - saying they were ganging up on you, and that you were very stressed about the imminent move and they weren't being very supportive?

[OrlaKiely]

Guys do back orf.

[OrlaKiely]

[StanleyLambchop]

An hour or so cleaning, wallpaper stripping etc would have been lovely

Yes my relative did help with some of the rennovations. She is now unable to help with the rest. She came down about 6 times over the month which I was enormously grateful for

So you have had some help, someone coming six times is actually quite a lot of help. If you were not satisfied with that then I think that it is unlikely you will be satisfied with 'an hour or so' from others.

On a practical note, you say that you cannot wallpaper over the bumpy walls. Have you investigated the various products designed to help with this problem? There are some really good lining papers available, and we used a product which was a cross between paint and plaster- it went on like a paint but was thicker and so gave a finish like a thin layer of plaster, it worked wonders with our walls.

[DontmindifIdo]

OP - you've had some good practical advice on this thread, read back through and see what ideas people have come up with. Definately might make life a little easier for you. I would look at solutions from the ideas on here, it can be daughting when you realise you've taken on more than you can manage. Work out what needs to be done, not jst what you'd like to be done, and research if there's easier ways to get round problems.

The fact you had another relative coming down 6 times in a month to help you probably also stopped other people helping - because it looks like you've got help. (It's never just an hour wallpaper stripping, and if you need help with cleaning, they are going to assume it's a big job, I would assume asking for an hour you were really asking for a day - a lot of people don't have that sort of spare time - could you find a spare few hours to help someone else right now?).

[ChippingInLovesSpring]

Stanley can you give me more details about that paint please?

OP - you have completely unrealistic ideas about how quickly this house should have/needs to be completed by given your situation. Many people live for years in a house that needs 'stuff' doing. I am currently in year 3 - due to family problems, a death in the family, helping friends through illness, their family deaths and the like - all things that took priority over getting this place 'finished' and also lack of funds. It'll get there in the end.

Friends - there's always some give & take some 'equal' most not -- some friends 'take' more than they 'give' and others 'give' more than they 'take'. It's life. I would 'expect' my friends to help me in an emergency or in a crisis - but I don't expect them to help me renovate my house - they all have their own lives & commitments. I tend to help more than I'm helped - but that's my nature and probably my weakness too in a way and sometimes I think it would be nice if my friends helped me a bit more so it's a little less of a one way stream, but hey ho, I am the one who needs to 'offer' less and say 'Sorry I can't' more often - it's not them who need to help more.

I'm 4ft 11 - I really don't think 3 inches makes a big difference and I manage to do pretty much everything that needs doing - it just takes time.

[GrendelsMum]

TooMuch - I don't think you've posted in the right section of the site for advice on your situation.

why don't you post another message in the Property section, either to outline problems you need advice with, or to have a good old moan?

As people have been saying, it is stressful to move into a new place, but you can do the work bit by bit. we've had holes in walls for four years or so now, while we work on other rooms. Just tackle one room at a time and you'll find it much more manageable.

I suspect your friends also have plenty of house jobs they should be getting on with, so coming round to do jobs on your house doesn't make a lot of sense for them.

[MintyyAeroEgg]

Just wanted to add that we have lived in our house (which has needed a ton of work doing to it) for 9 years this month and we are just getting round to decorating our bedroom for the first time.

We should have finished by this time next year ... 10 years in all.

Everything we have done we have had to save up for, we haven't increased the mortgage at all, and we do not have friends or family doing renovations for us. I don't think we are that unusual.

[Bobyan]

So someone buys you a house and now you are moaning that your friends haven't help to decorate or move you in.

Entitled much?

[StanleyLambchop]

Chipping- The paint is by Polycell and it is called 3-in-1 Basecoat. They stock it at B & Q. Goes on with a roller. Then you paint over it with your chosen colour. Job done.

[ChippingInLovesSpring]

Stanley I looked at that before and thought it seemed like a bloody brilliant idea for my awful walls, but the guy in B&Q talked me out of it, basically said it was crap... it's very interesting to hear from someone who has had good results with it. I might get a small one and try it on one wall - I've nothing to lose!

[nipersvest]

op, i have trouble feeling sorry for you due to the inconsistencies. you've said you are moving everything yourself, didn't you post a thread only a few days ago complaining about your removal men?