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to be scared of getting married because I'm fat?

104 replies

hairtearing · 18/04/2013 21:40

I am losing some weight, trying to at least but I will always be on the bigger side my body doesn't lend itself to smallness, 5'8+ size 10 feet broad shoulder etc.
But I am dreading getting married as I am convinced everyone will be sneering and making comments about me and my dress or comparing me to my bridesmaids (much prettier) or my SIL (again much prettier) , I'm dreading the photos (even if I was skinny I look like a bulldog chewing a wasp).
I went shopping with DM the other month and spent the entire fitting talking about how good she would have looked in those dresses, and saying 'well you're on about loosing more weight aren't you?' I felt like I didn't want to get married coz well if my own mother can't make me feel okay and pretty on my wedding day I'm screwed.
I feel sick with worry and the whole idea makes me sick , dreading what should be the happiest day of my life and its got worse the closer I get.
I know this is a rant but I feel like I am going to erupt or runaway I need to spill somewhere. please diplomatic I'm on the verge of tears atm.
Do I need a shake, AIBU to dread my wedding day and think everyone will be sneering at me?

OP posts:
Weegiemum · 18/04/2013 22:44

When I got married 18 years ago I was 16 stones.

When you talk to people, even today, about our wedding, everyone mentions the massive smile on dh's face when he turned round to see me coming down the aisle. A friend said it was "a smile that filled the church".

You are you. Your bloke wants to marry you no matter what. I was a size 20, size 10 feet, a total lol loping load of lard, and it was the best day of my life.

Enjoy it!!

Selks · 18/04/2013 22:47

I was at a friend's wedding last saturday. She's around a size 22. She looked radiant, beautiful and happy. The key to it for her was ensuring that she had a dress that she felt happy in - she chose a grecian style long empire line dress in cream with a lace stole. Hair up and fresh flowers in her hair. Utterly gorgeous and totally suited her shape.

So embrace your gorgeous curves and choose something lovely that you will feel good in. Then focus on enjoying your day for what it represents - the joining of beautiful you with your fan man. have a great day! x

Secondsop · 18/04/2013 23:09

OP please don't worry. I was a size 20-22 when I got married and although with hindsight I would have chosen a different outfit (the white satin skirt did little for me but the loose long-sleeved chiffon top was gorgeous) I had one heck of a day and i felt absolutely beautiful. what matters is how youll feel on the day, so ditch any influences that affect that. so ditch your mother for dress-shopping, and take either a supportive friend or go alone; nothing wrong with going alone.

re the photos, I still look back on mine and love them. i too got caught up in it all and worried about the photos, but really all you need is one or two that you like, and you need never look at the other ones again.

Do you want to lose weight for your wedding day? It's not compulsory. Everyone might assume that every bride wants to be at her slimmest but if you don't want to because youre happy with the way you look, you really don't have to lose weight. Brides come in all shapes and sizes; we don't all have to become dainty waifs on our wedding day!

Last thing: the weddings I've been to, the brides all seem to blur into one vision of paleness and lace and flowers and bodices, but what really sticks in my mind about a wedding is the heart and soul of the couple involved and the manifestation of that in the atmosphere of the wedding. That's what matters, and that's what you'll ultimately remember.

Softlysoftly · 18/04/2013 23:11

Keyhole is this
Mines capsleeves with keyhole.

BIWI · 18/04/2013 23:17

Firstly, congratulations! How lovely to have a wedding to look forward to. Flowers


Who has decided that you are fat and that you need to lose weight?

Do you think so, or do you feel that other people have decided that you are fat? Does your fiance think that you are fat? Does he want you to lose weight for your wedding?

If you are happy with your weight, then fuck everyone else. Grin

If you would like to lose weight, then let's talk practicalities. How long do you have until the wedding?

It will only work if you want it to. But we also need to know when your wedding is before we can work out a plan of action for you to help you!

BlackDahlia11 · 18/04/2013 23:19

I was a size 18 bride, wore a steel boned corset which was a god send and made me feel very confident :) I didn't diet for our wedding and put no pressure on myself. It was great not to feel any pressure. I had 5 bridesmaids who are all stunning, two look like models and one is like a skinny version of me. The other two also gorgeous. But I was the bride, and I didn't feel any attention was taken off me. There were lots of pretty and beautiful women at the wedding. It was fine, me and DH had a fantastic time and were so happy.

You are the bride, you will look beautiful whatever you wear. For confidence in yourself, find out what shapes of dresses suit your shape and maybe invest in some good shaped under garments. But make sure you feel comfortable too. I was used to steel boned corsets and feel comfy in them so felt great on the day. So find something you feel comfy in and most importantly, wear a smile. It will be one of the happiest days of your life and you will feel so happy to be marrying your partner.

Trillz · 18/04/2013 23:21


Anyone who is important enough to you for you to invite them to the wedding already knows what you look like.

No matter how fat or thin you are, you won't look worse on your wedding day than you do normally, unless you make some very poor decisions.

If there is someone who you think they don't know what you look like and they will be unpleasant to you or think unpleasant things because of it - don't invite them.

TheChaoGoesMu · 18/04/2013 23:22

I'm overweight, but the one thing I found is that the right wedding dress can make you look amazing, regardless of weight. I didn't have bridesmaids, but I was surrounded by skinny people in the photos, and I still think I looked brilliant Grin. choose a lovely dress that makes you feel great, wear it with pride and enjoy your day.

MyDarlingClementine · 18/04/2013 23:33

I am OW and I did myself down really and got a basic non wedding dress, although TBF we did have a credit crunch non trad wedding.

However, I then went to wedding of larger bride, much larger than me and it was a trad wedding and she was also a lovely girl and I have to say she was one of the most beautiful brides.....and I have been to a hell of a lot of weddings....

She truly radiated...and looked stunning.

Basically I wish I had gone all out too,.

Piffyonarock · 19/04/2013 00:01

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding!

Have you read "How to look good naked" by Gok Wan? It was a bit of a revelation to me because it focusses on your good points and what suits you, not changing your body shape.

Personally I wouldn't recommend attempting to loose much weight for your wedding, I spent months flapping that my dress wouldn't fit if I put a bit of weight back on. I had a friend whose diet got a bit behind schedule and she had to buy another dress at very short notice, which did look fabulous but I don't think she felt very good about the situation. Wedding dress shopping can knock the confidence of many a lady of any size.

One of the nicest things I did in the run up to my wedding was following a getting ready for the festive season plan that I found in a magazine, with things like making sure you use hand cream/face cream/face mask/daily glass of water with some lemon juice in it/whatever pampering treats you like regularly and generally looking after yourself to feel your best - like a long-term confidence booster rather than bootcamp.

I have a phobia about standing up in front of audiences, especially public speaking and I think feeling my best really helped, although I was still bricking it on the day!

Thinking about weddings I've been a guest at, I think most of the comments are along the lines of "don't they look happy" and "look how radiant she is", rather than anything about body shape. Fake it 'til you make it - practice saying "I am radiantly happy to be marrying my love"or something 15 times in the mirror every day and walk tall.

You are going to be one fabulous bride!

reneaa2 · 19/04/2013 02:13

op try not to worry about this. I think brides of all sizes and types can look beautiful.

. Stay away from negative opinions and try to find people who will give you constructive advise without hurting your self esteem.

Maybe have a google for photos of plus size brides and see if you can replicate the styles you like.

About your bridesmaids, are they all very different sizes to you? It might be an idea to have one or two who are similar sizes to you, helps to balance out the wedding party. (This applies to the groom and groomsmen and thinner brides as well).

trinity0097 · 19/04/2013 06:43

Curvety do some lovely wedding dresses, I wish they had been around when I got married!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 19/04/2013 06:55

Mydarlingclemntine you know OW is usually used as an acronym for Other Woman don't you? I wouldn't start describing yourself as OW on here Grin

OkayHazel · 19/04/2013 06:56

Want some really tacky advice OP?

Watch 'Say Yes To The Dress: Big Bliss'

It's an American programme that finds the perfect wedding dress for plus size women. It's so good, and the woman look stunning by the end.

It will really give you some handy tips for what will suit you on the big day, and may inspire you to try things you never thought would work.

Please do give it a go! You'll find full episodes by searching on YouTube. And it is impossible not to love Randy.

soapandhorny · 19/04/2013 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magicstar1 · 19/04/2013 08:25

I got married 5 years ago at size 26 (still am!) I was sick for months thinking about how I was going to look on the day. My mother was trying to help me to lose weight....she thought she was being supportive until the day I burst into tears in the car and told her how much pressure it was putting on me, and how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough to get married. I also rolled up my sleeves to show her the hives that had started to come up every time I thought about having to walk into the church being that size Sad, and of the photos. I was even trying to come up with a way of putting the wedding off a year to try to lose weight.

Anyway, she stopped making any comments...I got my dress made because I was too embarrassed to go to a bridal shop, but it was perfect for me. I got my hair and makeup done, had a word with the photographer about how I hate photos and he was great. After all this, I smiled all day and felt amazing! I looked beautiful on the day!!

I suppose what I'm saying is that you'll be surprised how you feel on the day. Get a dress that you're happy in and makes you feel good. Don't forget that all the guests know you and have probably seen you on a really bad day, so you will look beautiful Grin. I reminded myself a couple of times that it's not like they thought I was skinny, and would get a shock when they saw me at that size Wink

Best of luck with everything x

NoWayPedro · 19/04/2013 08:54

My sister was a size 18-20 when she got married a few years ago. She wore an off the shoulder dress as whilst she's goy big norks, she's pear shaped. It really evened her up iyswim and accentuated her waist. Good underwear too. Was also good as neck/clavicle is v sexy and didn't show too much of her upper arms.

That being said, she's never given a shit about her weight and is a sexy mama! It's not size that counts - it's how you strut your stuff and carry yourself. You'll be gorgeous :)

tomatoplantproject · 19/04/2013 09:02

You will be the bride. You will be the most beautiful person there because you are the bride and your happiness will shine through. Your df has chosen to marry you, not your bridesmaids.

I'm not huge but my mum has a thing about my weight (about anyone's weight really but manages to make me feel rubbish). I took my bridesmaids dress shopping, and took my mum to the dress fitting when I knew I had a really flattering dress rather than giving her the opportunity to comment when I was trying on different styles.

Best of luck - my wedding day was the most fun day of my life and I just wish I could do it again - I am really envious of brides knowing they still have this day ahead.

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2013 09:03

I went to a couple of weddings abroad and was pleasantly surprised to see that the bride had not starved herself to death. I think that this is just another expectation on us along with a big flashy wedding.

Why would any bride 'starve herself to death' unless she had an eating disorder? Confused

WillieWaggledagger · 19/04/2013 09:09

i'm not surprised you feel the way you do with comments like that from your mother. that's nothing to do with what you look like, though, and everything to do with her. i'm sure you're perfectly attractive

anyway, everyone looks gorgeous when they're as happy as you will be on your wedding day

TheYoniKeeper · 19/04/2013 09:17

Your fiance knows exactly what you look like and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, regardless of size.

Two words...




And congrats! Thanks

HeirToTheIronThrone · 19/04/2013 09:19

I second maybe having a dress made - I HATED wedding dress shops, and when it came to one dress being hung round my neck on the hanger whilst I stood there in my pants as the sample was so small I decided not to put myself through it! So I have found an amazing dressmaker, who will make me something made to measure and therefore that fits perfectly and suits me.

You will be beautiful. My DM has made similar comments. I told her if she feels like that she doesn't need to come. She hasn't mentioned it again...

Isthiscorrect · 19/04/2013 09:20

Congratulations on the wedding. Dont panic about your mum, she thinks she is trying to help, just leave her out of anymore dress fittings.

Take a look a this USA website that does wedding dresses (and other clothes for larger sizes). It also have curve connection where you can see real people wearing those very clothes, also it has another section to help you with what your shape should wear.

Good luck and you will look beautiful in the eyes of everyone.

Googlella · 19/04/2013 09:25

OP - the dress is absolutely beautiful!

I have been to dozens of weddings and one of the most beautiful radiant brides was also the largest.

I battle with my weight but find belonging a group (ww for me) is the only way I can successfully lose weight . I have rejoined several times and as soon as I have lost that first pound I start to feel better about my weight and more in control, so that may be something to consider.

The guests at the wedding are coming to celebrate with you and have a wonderful day. Most of the women will be worrying about their own lumps and bumps and what THEY are wearing. You have chosen an elegant classy dress, will have beautiful hair and make up and will be radiant ( a glass of bubbly before leaving home will help).

ENJOY!!!!! Flowers

FryOneFatManic · 19/04/2013 09:31

From reading the comments your mum is making, I wouldn't be surprised to find that you are nowhere near as ugly as you think you are. Your mum seems to have the need to be the pretty one and I'd bet she's been making those awful comments for most of your life.

To your fiance, you are beautiful. I've never shopped for a wedding dress before so I've no idea about it, but the ladies on this thread have some good advice for you. Pamper yourself and build up that self esteem and you'll be fabulous. Smile

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