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AIBU?

To be annoyed that dd (6yrs) got in trouble in school for saying the word "butt"

53 replies

jennymac · 17/04/2013 13:20

Dd confessed to me on Sunday that she had been put on the "thinking sun" in school (kind of a warning system they have) for saying the word "butt" meaning bum. I asked her the context and she said that she had been quoting a line from Ice Age 3 to her friend and another girl heard and told the teacher that she had said a bad word. Dd was in tears telling me about it as she was mostly worried the headteacher would come into the classroom and see it and think she was bold. I am a bit annoyed as this word obviously is in a children's film and is in one of their favourite library books so in her view (and mine) it is not a "bad" word. Plus, she wasn't using it in a nasty way, just thought the line in Ice Age was funny and was telling a friend. AIBU to be a bit annoyed at the teacher for making a big deal of it?

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SantanaLopez · 17/04/2013 13:21

You are making a bigger deal of it by complaining, let it go.

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cansu · 17/04/2013 13:23

I think you are making a big deal of it tbh. I would have said to dd that butt is a slang word and some people think its a bit rude. It isn't the sort of word you use in class. End of. FWIW I don't think butt is a terrible word. However I guess you could think about whether you would be happy for the teacher to use it and then make a judgement. So if the teacher told your dd to get up off her butt and get a crayon, would you think this was ok? If not then maybe butt isnt a word to use in the classroom and your dd has learnt a lesson.

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aldiwhore · 17/04/2013 13:24

Butt used to be rude, now it isn't, it is slang though and teachers should encourage the correct terms... BUT if bum is acceptable, then so butt should be.

Sounds over the top.

Years ago 'fart' was terribly rude, not so now.

If you punish children for using slang words, then I think they're more likely to not differentiate between slang and swearing.

My 5yr old got a gentle talking to about his favourite word 'SHEESH' but not punished, he was simply over using it!

He got put on the time out step for saying "Holy Shit", very 80's I know, he's watched The Goonies, I didn't remember how many phrases have changed. 'Holy Mother of God' was, in the 80's not that bad, fart was rude. Now it's different.

I believe the teacher dealt with my son correctly, he knows the difference bewteen slang (and trying not to over use it) and swearing.

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CloudsAndTrees · 17/04/2013 13:25

I think the teacher may have taken it a bit far, a warning could probably have done the job, but you just don't know what else was going on at the time, what her behaviour had been like leading up to it etc. especially as you must have been told about it days after it happened.

My school has a similar system, thinking suns and the like are usually for minor misdemeanours. Let it go.

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quoteunquote · 17/04/2013 13:34

Butt is an acceptable word, it's just an alternative for bottom, bum or something you keep water in, it just means the bottom of something as in butt of a gun butt of a cigarette , it is not even an Americanism, it's just come back into usage for bottom as it never fell out of usage stateside.

Odd, I would ask them why they decided it was a swear word, and to supply a list so you know about any other peculiarities, and ask if they could warn parents that they have their own offensive list.

It can't of been very nice for your DD to find out that the word butt was disapproved of like that, I'm surprised the teacher didn't realise she wasn't aware that it was "wrong", if the teacher doesn't like it, fair enough, but she could of given her a chance to not use it again, and not punish for saying a word that she was unaware was disapproved of.

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cornflakegirl · 17/04/2013 13:34

I disagree that it's a rude word - as aldiwhore says, if bum is acceptable, so should butt be - and I'm pretty sure that most teachers are fine with telling children to eg "sit down on your bum". I think "get up off your butt" is different - the rudeness is in the implied laziness, not the word butt.

I think it's worth a quiet word with the teacher. They overreacted in the punishment. Your daughter's reaction says to me that she had no idea the teacher would disapprove, and that a quick "Please don't use that word in the classroom again" would have more than done the trick. Hopefully telling the teacher how upset your daughter is would lead to them reassuring her that they know she didn't mean to be bad. (Not that I think she was bad, but teachers should have the right to choose how much slang is acceptable in the classroom.)

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OhLori · 17/04/2013 13:35

I think "butt" is a horrible word, and try to discourage my son to use it. It can sound quite rude and is often meant "rudely" i.e. "get your butt over here now" and I agree not for use in the classroom.

That said, I think is pretty that your daughter was crying over it. At age 6, she probably doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, so I reckon the teacher was possibly being a bit heavy-handed. Perhaps you could tell the teacher she was crying about it, so that at least she knows? But maybe hear the teacher's side - perhaps it was on top of other impolite behaviour, who knows?

FWIW my (then) 9 year old came home from school crying because the teacher told the class that if they didn't all buck up and start behaving well, they'd never get a job . My son started crying at home, worried he'd be unemployed! The next parent's evening, I mentioned this, and the teacher (who I think was a genuinely nice man) was quite surprised. Its good for them to know these things.

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jennymac · 17/04/2013 13:40

Thanks everyone. I hadn't planned to say anything to the teacher but a friend in work thought it might be worth asking her for her reasons as it has led my daughter to be confused about what is acceptable and what isn't as obviously the teacher has different views on the use of words, as we her parents have.
If it happened to ds I wouldn't have been so bothered as he is quite a resilient child whereas dd is a real worrier and her teacher even said to me at her last PT meeting that sometimes it seems as if she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. So she knows what she is like and how much store she puts on being well thought of by teachers etc. A quiet word to her first I feel would have been more appropriate, particularly as she didn't hear her say it herself but it was repeated by another child.

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Grammaticus · 17/04/2013 13:48

Let it go. Honestly.

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DameFanny · 17/04/2013 14:00

I prefer 'arse'

[unhelpful]

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LilRedWG · 17/04/2013 14:03

DameFanny - you have now made me think you look like Father Jack!

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LilRedWG · 17/04/2013 14:05

Back on thread - the teacher has been a little heavy handed, but let it go.

DD reported that they are not allowed to sing the line, "Hey, sexy lady" from Gangham Style at school. DH replied by saying, "Well, I think that's a good idea. You can't sing it at home either!".

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woopsidaisy · 17/04/2013 14:12

I think butt is fine. I'd tell DD not to worry about it and to only use it at home.
A teacher "just let me know" that DS2 had said "boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls."
I pointed out that indeed they can.

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diddl · 17/04/2013 14:14

What I hate about the situation is that the OPs daughter was told off on the say so of another girl who overheard the conversation.

It wasn't directed at her & I think the teacher could have given the benefit of the doubt this time.

Did she even ask about why OPs daughter said it??

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Cherriesarelovely · 17/04/2013 14:17

Pathetic of the teacher, really silly over reaction but don't make it worse by complaining about it. Just explain to your Dd that she shouldn't use it at school but that you think the teacher was a bit unfair. Then move on.

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Loolah · 17/04/2013 14:22

be thankful they don't go to my DD's school as "bum" is frowned upon, its bottom if you please ( it's a good job they don't hear my DD's at home)

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Lucyellensmum95 · 17/04/2013 14:23

I think that the teacher was right to remonstrate but a bit OTT. It was probably not the word, but the silliness around it. Kids do love a bit of bottom humour and i suppose a line has to be drawn.

I think that you just need to let it go because it will become a bigger thing for your DD who in all honesty has probably forgotten all about it by now.

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LifeSavedbyLego · 17/04/2013 14:26

I'm no help sorry. My DCs school things fart is a rude word. My response of "what the fuck is wrong with fart?" may have negated my point somewhat.

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treas · 17/04/2013 14:49

Teacher her ARSE - she may as well be hung for a sheep rather than a lamb

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jennymac · 17/04/2013 16:14

Have decided to leave it (probably am too much of a woos to say anything anyway to be honest!). Had a laugh at your post woopsidaisy - my female best friend is married to a girl and we have always been very open with the dc about this so that will be the next thing probably!

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usualsuspect · 17/04/2013 16:17

The school sounds a bit OTT.

I would let it go, but roll my eyes at the teacher for being so petty.

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LadyBeagleEyes · 17/04/2013 16:20

It's not butt, it's bum. Or arse (not ass).

Himphs.

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mrsminiverscharlady · 17/04/2013 16:20

Weelll, I would previously have said let it go. However my dd got put on 'the cloud' for a similarly minor offence last term (first time ever) and I didn't bother to complain thinking it was totally insignificant. However, as a result of this she was not allowed to go to the end of term party for children who had stayed on the sunshine all term which I think was a totally OTT punishment. I wish now I'd said something to school.

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jennymac · 17/04/2013 16:28

Mrs Miniver - that's awful for your poor dd - how are kids expected to remember weeks later that they are being punished for something they did yonks ago! Don't think they have similar sanctions in my dds school or I would be complaining!

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mrsminiverscharlady · 17/04/2013 16:42

I didn't know they had these sanctions either (was totally off my radar as none of them has ever been put on the cloud before!) I am planning on raising it next time I go to parents' evening. No doubt they will argue that the party is now too far in the past to do anything about it now - oh the irony!

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