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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my friend to stop texting all the time when in my company?

62 replies

jenny99 · 17/04/2013 11:18

Had a lovely evening out last night with a close friend apart from the fact that every time her phone 'pinged' she looked at it and replied. Most were messages about play dates. It was approx every 10-15 minutes. I received a few messages too but ignored them.

She never used to do this but her iphone is her new BFF. I also have an iphone but I feel strongly that when in somebody else's company for a time it is only polite to give them my attention. I do check if the message is from my DS or school... aibu??

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 17/04/2013 11:19

ask her to stop. most people (myself included) do it out of habit, but i don't really "notice" it until someone points it out or asks me to stop, in which case i am always happy to oblige.

DIYapprentice · 17/04/2013 11:21

Send her a message while with her 'thought this was the best way to get your attention...'

LeChatRouge · 17/04/2013 11:23

jen I completely agree with you. Very rude. My friend will interrupt a stream of conversation if her phone beeps. I feel like 'So, that person who's not even in the room is more important than me?' Charming.

Next time, you could say loudly at the beginning of the evening. 'I'm going to put my phone on silent so we can have a good old catch up.' Hopefully, she will reciprocate the gesture.

LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 11:24

I would have replied too - how long does it take? 30 seconds every 15 minutes? I think it's rude not to reply to texts for hours on end. YABU.

NinaHeart · 17/04/2013 11:27

YANBU.
What's so important she can't put it to one side for an hour or two of your company? Is she trying to prove how jolly popular she is?

StanleyLambchop · 17/04/2013 11:30

I would have replied too - how long does it take? 30 seconds every 15 minutes?

You obviously have not seen me trying to send a text! 30 seconds in my dreams!

BlingLoving · 17/04/2013 11:31

YANBU. The point about a text is that it does not need to be returned urgently. It's like an email. LazyMonkey - you are wrong. When you are meeting a friend, you should be focusing on that person, not constant text messages. Just because someone texted to ask if you want to go for a drink next week, does not mean it has to be responded to within 20 minutes.

TheCraicDealer · 17/04/2013 11:33

TANBU! One of my friends is like this, although it's usually men she's boffing rather than playdate arranging. Well, playdates of a different kind I suppose. She does it when we're having coffee, when we're watching telly, when we're talking, when we're walking along in town....it's almost a talent.

It's gone on for so long it seems like it's too late to stage an intervention of any kind- she either doesn't realise how rude it is (how?!) or she doesn't care.

MissLurkalot · 17/04/2013 11:34

Do what DIY said, great suggestion.

MissLurkalot · 17/04/2013 11:35

And, yes, very rude.

Sadgits · 17/04/2013 11:37

A 'friend' came round to lunch and her phone rang during the meal. She talked to that person ( a friend, who rang for a chat,) for about 15-20 minutes during the meal. Hmm Perhaps she didn't like me the meal?

Manyofhorror3 · 17/04/2013 11:40

Rude. YANBU.

HighJinx · 17/04/2013 11:52

I think it's rude not to reply to texts for hours on end.

I find this absolutely baffling. How can it possibly be rude to not be constantly available all the time?

Are people not allowed to have meetings, eat meals, sleep, meet with friends, go out on dates or watch movies without pausing to respond to every text?

HighJinx · 17/04/2013 11:52

And YANBU

BlingLoving · 17/04/2013 12:11

I have a friend who always without fail, will recieve a call from her DH while we are together. Of course, she answers it. But every time I am surprised (I know, I should learn) when they then proceed to have a 15 minute chat about their days, what he's doing at work etc etc.

I answer the phone from DH when I'm out. But the conversation usually goes something like:
Me: Hi
DH: Hi. Sorry, I know you're with FriendX, but Mark just called to see if I can work this evening. Will you be back in time to look after DS if I leave at 6?
Me: Sure.
DH: Thanks love. Love you. Bye.

angelos02 · 17/04/2013 12:21

YANBU. None of my friends would do this but some people I know through work do. It might be as I am old enough to remember life before mobiles (I was about 25 when I got my first mobile). If out with friends, my mobile stays in my bag. I think it is really rude to answer/reply to texts while out with friends.

LeChatRouge · 17/04/2013 14:14

I am fascinated by the notion that its rude not to reply to text messages. Is it a generational thing? I can leave texts unreplied for days, weeks even, until I think of some news or something interesting to say. If you reply, then they reply, then you reply, then they reply.......how do you ever get anything done? Or sleep?

ilovexmastime · 17/04/2013 14:19

YANBU, I have a friend who does this and it's highly annoying. It also makes me doubt our friendship as she only does it when I'm talking! Sometimes I trail off just to see if she notices... she doesn't always.

Grammaticus · 17/04/2013 14:31

I do that - stop talking until they stop texting. Still pisses me off though.

Original poster
jenny99 · 17/04/2013 15:12

Thanks for all your replies.

Yes, as some of you said, it just made me feel so unimportant and that she would rather be somewhere else.

I don't want to say anything - I'd rather know where I stand - not top priority. Sad thing is that I had sent her a couple of texts earlier in the day trying to arrange where we would meet etc and she didnt text me back :(

I don't want to make an issue with her just wondered if iwbu
xx

OP posts:
Ragwort · 17/04/2013 15:18

leChat - yes, I think it probably is a generational thing, I didn't get a mobile until I was mid 40s and didn't learn to text until I was 52 Grin - I can happily ignore my mobile for ages & frequently forget to take it with me (including the one time I broke down in the car miles from anywhere !) but it such a trend for young people to carry their mobile in their hand, not even in a bag or pocket I can never find mine when I receive a text or call.

helenthemadex · 17/04/2013 15:40

it just made me feel so unimportant and that she would rather be somewhere else

tell her that!

YANBU very rude in my opinion,

elQuintoConyo · 17/04/2013 15:43

Very rude, yanbu. I hate it. If I get a text/friend gets a text, one of us will say 'get that, if you like' if we're just chilling out, if we're having a proper talk about important stuff then we ignore.
If someone ignored me to answer texts repeatedly, I'd get up and leave after helping myself to their cake

x2boys · 17/04/2013 16:18

my sister does this she is obsessesd with facebook and at our cousins wedding last year she was updating statuses and phtos etc every 5 minutes, very posh wedding and i was happily scoffing the very generous amounts of free champagne and canapes before the sit down meal [ and then the very generous amounts of any alcohol you might desire i digress] both my mum and i told her off she is 41 fgs!

Ragwort · 17/04/2013 16:46

Did you notice on TV this morning, people coming out of Mrs T's funeral service and checking their mobiles on the steps of the cathedral? Grin.

Height of bad manners to text/FB at a wedding (or funeral).