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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids keep getting up/out of their beds at bed-time only when their dad is at home

11 replies

bengal38 · 16/04/2013 22:32

I have a son of 12 and a daughter of 9. They both go to bed at the same time only because if my daughter goes up to bed earlier she will be up until my son goes up anyway and will keep getting up.

When their dad is at home my son will call my daughter into his room so they can talk and my daughter will then refuse to go back into her own bed. The only way for me to get my daughter to stay in her room and for my son to stop talking/calling her into his room is to shout at them both (which I hate doing) but saying that my husband shouts at them as well (which he hates doing as well).

I have tried talking to them both in the mornings about their behaviour and they promise they will change but they don't. I have also taken things away from them, stopped pocket money and done reward charts as well but this doesn't work.

Any help from anyone would be much appreciated.
(As I said they only do this when their dad is at home).

OP posts:

greenfolder · 16/04/2013 22:43

If they are both upstairs and not bothering you why not let go and see what happens? Sounds like they are not ready to sleep. Pick your battles.

Original poster

bengal38 · 16/04/2013 22:46

I understand what you are saying but on school nights I just can't have them up until late. I know my daughter should go to bed earlier but she wont and this only happens when their dad is at home. If I leave them to it my son will end up sleeping 11 to 1130 on a school night and the other night my daughter ended up sleeping 1230am on a school night.

OP posts:

thebody · 16/04/2013 22:51

You are the parent here. What do you mean by your 9 year old dd 'refuses to go back to bed'???

Tell them the bed times, send them up and if it takes a shout to do as they are told then shout.

It's not for them to decide at 9 and 12.. That's your and tour dhs job.

HollyBerryBush · 16/04/2013 22:53

You are the parent, they are children.

I find it ludicrous you are sending a 9 and 12yo to bed at the same time though.

why is their father the catalyst for poor behaviour if he also raises his voice to them?

nokidshere · 16/04/2013 22:54

I agree with insisiting they are in their own rooms and beds at a set time. You cannot, however, make them go to sleep! My son goes up at 8:45 - he never gets up, makes a noise or does anything else and yet its almost 11pm and he is still awake.

seriouscakeeater · 16/04/2013 22:54

What time are they going up, my dd and nieces and nephew would literately pin there eyes open and sit there till I went to bed if I let them stay up! lol
Then you have to deal with sleepy kids in the morning
What the reaction of them when they get shouted at?

livinginwonderland · 16/04/2013 22:54

they don't get to refuse to go back to bed. you're the parent - if it takes shouting, then shout. do they stay up when dad is at home because they know he's softer, maybe?

Original poster

bengal38 · 16/04/2013 22:57

To thebody, They know their bed-times but like most kids they do push the boundaries to see what they can get away with and we do shout at them to go to bed. Also they do not decide their own bedtimes.

To HollyBerryBush, I send my 9 year old to bed at the same time as my 12 year old as it is easier for me to deal with. Also my 9 year old will keep getting up so rather than me shouting at her constantly while she is screaming and crying I would rather not (this has happened before). Also as I have said before this behaviour only happens when their dad is at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

bengal38 · 16/04/2013 23:00

Yes my husband works shift hours so hardly sees them so when he does he is quite soft with them around bed-times.

When they get shouted at they quieten down but then the moment we go down they start off again. My son will settle down to sleep first though then my daughter will.

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 16/04/2013 23:07

I try and get my kids to bed for 8ish but my DD (aged 9) lies in bed waiting for DH to come home - she can manage to stay awake for hours.

Need to fix this by resolving as a family - you all need to sit down and discuss a fair bedtime, and lights out time (we have 3 times - bedtime, end of ipad/tablet time and end of reading lights off time) and YOU BOTH need to enforce. Sounds like your DH is a soft touch and he is the problem not the children.

ALso need to manage their expectations - eg set out in advance which nights he'll be home and how that affects bedtime, and which nights he wont be.

seriouscakeeater · 16/04/2013 23:14

Bengal...what about rewinding with your dd, go back to baby routine..bath..pjs..cuddle on bed/story then leave. Probably lots of crying but after a while might settle down.

I would however I would let ds stay down stairs until a little while later. What about sitting up stairs and reading and letting DS know your there.You might have to do this for a while Till he gets the message. If he does start, confiscating computers and following through it.

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