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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe DS's Dad?

15 replies

cherryonthetop2013 · 16/04/2013 10:47

DS is 3 (nearly 4) and he sees his Dad every weekend, he doesn't drive so he picks him up and drops him off with his Dad.
About a month ago DS said he was in a bump in Grandad Bob's car, even described that the car was stopped and someone bumped the car from behind. But it was only a little bump.
So I asked DS's Dad what had happened and he denied all knowledge of it. But he's is a compulsive liar, the whole time I was with him he used to lie about stupid things that he didn't even need to lie about, I could just tell that he was lying.
Well a month or so on and DS is STILL going on about this bump. I know kids have great imaginations but he just doesn't lie, and why would he lie about having a bump in a car and even describe what happened?

So I'm convinced that it did happen but why would his Dad lie about it? We're on good terms these days, I'm sure he wouldn't think I'd be mad about it, after all, it was an accident and these things happen.

The only thing I can think is that he's trying to claim some compensation.

But I don't even know whether it's possible for him to do that? Surely he'd have to take him to the hospital or at least a GP? DS hasn't mentioned going to the hospital or seeing a Doctor. His Dad doesn't even know which GP he's under (we split up whilst I was pregnant and he's had little involvement since).

Has anybody ever claimed compensation for a child and could tell me what the procedure was? Whether they had to see a Doctor? Whether the cheque was made out to the child or the parent?

I just don't trust him at all, if he is getting compensation then I doubt DS will see a single penny of it.

OP posts:
YoniBottsBumgina · 16/04/2013 10:49

Couldn't you ask Grandad Bob?

squeakytoy · 16/04/2013 11:03

if it was a bump while reversing or a very slight roll into the back from another car then there would be no need to go to a hospital or a doctor..

Original poster
cherryonthetop2013 · 16/04/2013 11:11

Squeaky - but if that was what happened then why wouldn't his Dad just tell me? He's got no other reason to lie to me.

I could ask Grandad Bob but he was within ear shot when I asked his Dad so if he is lying then he'll just go along with it.

When I asked I expected him to just say 'oh yeah it was nothing, another car just tapped ours, it was hardly a bump etc etc' but apparently he hasn't got a clue what DS is talking about. It just doesn't make any sense.

OP posts:
TigOldBitties · 16/04/2013 11:22

Maybe he thinks you'll make a fuss or say his dad shouldn't drive them or something. Perhaps it was the grandad's fault, and he is concerned about your reaction.

Perhaps someone knocked on the car or it was a bump in the driving, like hitting a kerb or going over something in the road. Maybe your DS is the one that had the bump, perhaps his car seat wasn't in properly or he wasn't full strapped in and got bumped about.

There are so many different scenarios and I think its highly possible your DS might have got something wrong or not be describing something correctly. My DD, who was 4 at the time told me for ages that X (my friends names) had tried to smash the window while she was sitting in the car when I had popped into the shop. I spoke to my friend, she had in fact recognised the car, seen DD, and knocked on the window and given a wave. DD insisted for ages that she had tried to smash the window by 'punching' it.

Countless other examples of things DC have said which haven't been true.

I can't work out why it matters that much anyway. If you know he lies for no real reason, why can't you just put it down to that.

Jan49 · 16/04/2013 11:33

Perhaps he had to do a very sudden stop that gave your son a shock or perhaps there was an accident and the reason he's denying it is to because he thinks you won't want him driving your son if it suggests his dad is not a safe driver. Or perhaps he's just lying because he lies about everything.

As for compensation, well for anyone to claim for your son he'd have to be injured so I think you'd know, and the cheque would not be made out to a child but to the insured adult.

lottiegarbanzo · 16/04/2013 11:50

You know him to be a compulsive liar so why are you looking for any other explanation? He probably couldn't be bothered to have a conversation with you about it, so lied to shut you up.

Jenny70 · 16/04/2013 11:57

I would think it more likely that ex is lying about the bump becuase your DS wasn't restrained, Grandpa Bob wasn't driving when he was supposed to be, or the car isn't insured/MOT'd etc.

I would let it go, your son isn't injured, you don't know what actually happened (a bump can be hitting the kerb, stopping etc), and I can't see how compensation would come into this at all...

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 16/04/2013 11:58

To make a claim they'll need access to your sons health records so you can maybe speak to your gps surgery to see if an applications been made

YoniRaver · 16/04/2013 12:38

If he has form for compulsive lying then that wont stop, he will continue to lie even if there is no reason too. He isnt going to suddenly stop because you think you are on good terms

I dont know where you jump from this to possibly claiming compensation, and if he was would he really tell you ?

Fakebook · 16/04/2013 12:55

Is your ds showing signs of whiplash? Is he injured? If not, then I'd let it go. A bump can be anything. I've had a car bump into mine from the back in traffic and it's not even left a mark. We all got out of our cars and checked the "damage", so it was a bit of an event for dd.

Maybe they're not telling you because they know you'd overreact. Your compensation allegation is a bit of an overreaction too.

CandidaDoyle · 16/04/2013 13:21

In cases where children are awarded compensation in injuries claims, Payment is made to court, where its invested until the child's 18th birthday.

It's highly unlikely your ex is trying to claim compensation on your sons behalf, especially as there doesn't seem to be any injuries to claim for.

Floggingmolly · 16/04/2013 16:25

You need to let it go. I'd imagine your obsession with it has a lot to do with him "still going on about it a month later*.

TolliverGroat · 16/04/2013 16:32

So your ex is a compulsive liar with a long history of lying about things that he had no reason to lie about, and yet you're trying to work out why he might now be lying about something he has no obvious reason to lie about?

HollyBerryBush · 16/04/2013 16:55

"compensation" is to compensate for injury or trauma - exactly what trauma or injury has your child got?

These relentless compo claims just push up premiums for everyone else.

Floggingmolly · 16/04/2013 17:02

Compensation???? Wouldn't you have noticed if your child was injured badly enough to warrant compensation? Jesus Hmm

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