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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds1 he can walk next time he misses the bus

56 replies

Gales · 15/04/2013 16:55

He can get 2 different buses. There's one waiting when school finishes or another 30 mins later. He likes to go to the library after school, gets some homework out of the way and the later bus is less crowded. But, he misses it about 4 times per half term and has done so again today.

I've told him in future I'll pick him up once per term, after that he can walk. AIBU? He's 12 and it's 3 miles. What about in winter when it's getting dark?

OP posts:

magimedi · 15/04/2013 16:59

As long as the route is safe as regards traffic for pedestrians, YANBU.

5madthings · 15/04/2013 16:59

Yanbu my ds1 had to walk and his school.is 6miles away. That was because of the snow tho and i couldnt get to him. He was fine.

If he missed the bus i would say to walk as dp has the car at work and i cant physically get there.

Bet you he only walks the once and them he will remembet to be on time for tge bus!

mrsjay · 15/04/2013 17:03

yanbu he chose to miss his bus 3 miles isnt that far If the lift is pre arranged then fine but to just lose track of time would pee me off in winter you text him to not go to the library and come straight home on the school/next bus

livinginwonderland · 15/04/2013 17:03

as long as it's safe, yanbu, but i know my parents weren't happy with me walking home in the dark at 12, because the route wasn't well-lit at all.

HollyBerryBush · 15/04/2013 17:09

Does he have legs? Does he melt when wet?

Of 3 miles is no distance at all - my DS3 was walking 2 miles in Y6, and DS2 often walks the 4 miles each way to and from school, DS1 walks at least 8-10 miles a day.

bettycocker · 15/04/2013 17:12

YANBU. I had to do this twice with DS and he has not missed the bus since.

Startail · 15/04/2013 17:24

I'd be temped her in summer, but not in Winter, but we have pavementless lanes.

You can loose a horse against our hedges on a dull wet winters evening never mind a child in dark school uniform.

Remotecontrolduck · 15/04/2013 17:43

Definitely not unreasonable, he has to learn. No problem picking up as a one off, everyone makes mistakes, but 4 times per half term is taking the piss and he needs to sort himself out.

It will only take one walk and he'll and never miss it again, i'm pretty sure!

Crinkle77 · 15/04/2013 18:31

I think you need to say that if he misses his bus again you won't be picking him up and he will have to walk and make sure you stick to it. At the mo he probably thinks it doesn't matter if I miss the bus cos mum will come and get me. If you don't then I am sure he will soon make sure he catches the bus

gobbin · 15/04/2013 18:36

Do you know, I feel a bit of sympathy for him, especially if he's getting some homework done. Maybe he's getting engrossed and forgets the time?

CaptainSweatPants · 15/04/2013 18:40

It's not like he's smoking in a bus shelter! He's doing his homework
Is once every half term such a chore to collect him??!

BeckAndCall · 15/04/2013 18:42

I'd feel differently if he were chatting with his friends or hanging out behind the bike sheds, but he's working! Maybe he does forget the time, or just maybe, the bus leaves 2 mins early sometimes?

3 miles will probably take him 45 or 50mins wouldn't it? To go and collect him, round trip, would take you 10. It's your call to make, but if he still has loads of homework to do when he gets in, I'd see it as worth it to go and get him so he can get on with the homework. In reality, I'd see once a fortnight it as my absolute limit.

But then if you're at work all day, or if you've got younger DC then that's a different story.

Original poster

Gales · 15/04/2013 18:45

Once isn't, no Captain. I've said I'll collect him once, but after that he'll have to walk.

I think what annoys me most is that we pay the bus fare termly , so Im paying for all these buses he misses

OP posts:

specialsubject · 15/04/2013 18:46

if he can't keep track of time he can set an alarm. He may even have one on his watch. Or his phone.

good life lesson.

Original poster

Gales · 15/04/2013 18:53

He does have an alarm it goes off at 3:20 everyday including weekends! Sometimes it goes off in his bedroom when he's at school....

Beck I'm at work until 3pm when i collect ds2, so yes on both counts, but its not really about the bother of collecting, more about him being bothered to be where he needs to be when he needs to be there without always expecting someone else to sort things out for him.

OP posts:

TheFallenNinja · 15/04/2013 19:02

YANBU. 3 miles is nothing. Even at dawdling pace he should get home for dinner.

sarahtigh · 15/04/2013 19:07

as you say you have to pay for bus as you only get a free bus pass for 12 year olds if the walk is more than 3 miles; I think having to walk once or twice would probably help his memory or else deduct wasted bus fare from pocket money

any fit and healthy 12 year old is capable of walking 3 miles in less than an hour

I would only worry if you live in crime central and if so insist he catches first bus back

Bowlersarm · 15/04/2013 19:11

Keep him safe. It's annoying, but he's not 12 forever

5madthings · 15/04/2013 19:15

Why would he not be safe walking home?!!

claraschu · 15/04/2013 19:19

Wow Holly- you have kids walking 8-10 miles a day. I'm impressed with that

Original poster

Gales · 15/04/2013 19:20

That depends on the LEA and whether the child is at his/her nearest school too sarah. DS wouldn't get a bus pass even if the journey was 10 miles.

It is a safe walk in that it's along a main road with a pavement, but there is a stretch of 3/4 mile with no buildings along it, so very quiet in terms of pedestrians (although busy with traffic)

OP posts:

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 15/04/2013 19:27

Y are definitely NBU. There are two buses he can catch! Honestly he just knows you will pick him up. And I he is working in the library he can just as well work at home

Bowlersarm · 15/04/2013 19:33

Well,5madthings because it has to be safer to be in a car for 5 minutes than walking three miles on dark country roads. OP has now said it's along a main road with a pavement which is quite safe, but personally, I would pick him up from school

mrsjay · 15/04/2013 19:37

Do you know, I feel a bit of sympathy for him, especially if he's getting some homework done. Maybe he's getting engrossed and forgets the time?

he could go home on time and do his homework just because he is in a library doesn't mean he cant be a little bit responsible for his own time keeping his mum isn't his constant taxi imo

5madthings · 15/04/2013 19:38

Of course its not safer in a car!

Travel long by car is one of the riskiest things we do with our children.

Walking along a pavement even if its not that well lit isn't necessarily dangerous.

The winter is months away anyway, at the moment its still light now and he will be home well before dark falls. In the winter if he leaves school at 3:30ish and walks he will still be home by 4:30 so not necessarily dark.

And given the op has said its a main route there are probably street lights anyway.

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