to think this is rude? Wedding invite/Gift related.

[DearJohnLoveSavannah]

I've been invited to a wedding in June, I used to be quite close to the bride (lived together for 2 years) however due to her moving away, busy lives etc we only get to chat now and again - mostly over email.

I got an invite to her wedding as an evening guest - which from the above of us not being as close anymore is totally fine. All day guests should be for family and close friends.

The part that annoys me is that included in my invitation was a gift list. I've had a look and the cheapest thing I could see was £60.

Is it cheeky to expect or hope that people who have only been invited to the evening reception to buy you something an all day guest would?

Personally I think its quite cheeky to expect anyone to spend £60 . Buy something off list or some vouchers .

YANBU. I think it's very cheeky to ask for presents full stop, especially when the cheapest is £60!

I think it is cheeky to ask guests to spend that much minimum, on a wedding gift. We did do a wedding list, but we made sure that there were plenty of things on it to suit all budgets.

find a cheaper alternative to something on list? cheeky yes. i haven't got a gift list didnt send anything out with invites, my mum thinks i need to have one, i think that if people want to bring a present then they are welcome too but if not it wasn't expected anyway IYSWIM?

I had a wedding list. It went in my evening invites also.

I hoped for but didn't automatically expect gifts from any of my day or evening guests.

I put it in as I knew I'd be asked about presents.

However the cheapest thing on my list was £2.99!!!

Where is the gift list? Just buy them a voucher for the shop?

Treat the gift list as 'for advice only' and get a present you can afford. I think brides should have a range of prices items really. Guests often ignore the list anyway and buy what they like, if you're not that close nowadays it shouldn't be a problem. If she takes issue with it then yes, she is being cheeky and unreasonable.

YANBU - that's outrageous! I think £20 is more than enough for an evening reception.

I think it is definitely cheeky to include a list in all invitations to be honest. We didn't send anything with ours but people asked about a list so we did one after that and emailed them the info.

Why not just give money in a card say £20?

I don't mind gift lifts in general. They are practical, I'd way rather get someone something they actually wanted.

But I just think it's cheeky and yes to include that gift lift to evening guests.

Nice to know I might not be being unreasonable.

YANBU.

£60 is much more than I'd spend as an evening guest. Could you get something off the list but go halves with a friend?

My understanding was always that evening only guests just gave a small present, or clubbed together as a group (say if it was a crowd from work) to buy something from the gift list. Definitely you shouldn't be expected to buy as large a present as the people who will be at the drinks reception and the meal.

YANBU

Rude

Go off list

I agree with Dear John. I'd prefer to be buy something which I know they want.

However, YANBU about the whole cheapest gift is £60 thing

Definitely cheeky!

We've just been invited to DH's cousin's wedding. They have been together 9 years & have two children. Their invitation says:

DS is welcome
They don't want any gifts. Our company is enough for them OR we can donate to their favourite charity.

Do we need to report them to anyone for this?

That's the point really, iklboo. Wedding lists date back to the time when couples were probably living with their respective parents before marriage. They needed tons of stuff to set up a home together. Nowadays most couples are either living independently of their parents or co-habiting.

We were sent a gift list from Harrods no less. I bought 2 forks. I figured that other people would too.
I do hope that they use MY forks and think 'why thank you MAS' everyday.

I had a cute evening invitation from a friend recently. 'Greg and I are getting hitched. We are combining two homes. If anyone wants any of our copious stuff, please come and help yourselves. Otherwise just turn up and have a ball.'

We are doing a "friends' collection" and putting in £10-£30 each, depending on who is skint/not so skint, and will give them the cash in an envelope from 'your friends'. So stress-free.

Definitely think vouchers for the same shop is the way to go. Any sum you care to donate. In my day people proffered a gift list for guests stuck for ideas, it wasn't rigid.

A toast rack used to be an acceptable gift. Or a towel.

Anything with a plug was like winning 'Bullseye'.

Going against the tide here... but it is possible that there were cheaper items on the list which have already been bought? This always happens to me as I tend to leave it until the last minute to go online to buy the gift then end up with a choice between a candelabra and an ornate punch bowl or some such.

I agree though, the gift list should be treated only as a guide and you should feel free to get your own thing!

They still are acceptable gifts. I've bought towels, toasters, kettles, bedding, all the boring stuff, for mates who needed them.

I've also bought stuff like bulbs for the garden, or fancy tea, or DVDs or books, for people who'd set up home yonks ago but mysteriously hadn't turned into wankers in the intervening time.

It's the people who ask for a 120 quid fancy device as the cheapest option, or a donation to a holiday in the Maldives, who piss me off.

I'd just give a bottle of champagne.

Did you get to the list the day it opened? I ask because a small number of our guests bought all the smaller gfts on our list as a job lot, so only moe expensive things were left very quickly. Though our very expensive was £25 items, not £60.