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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was rude of my partner or was I just being annoying?

76 replies

RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 12:40

My partner was on the phone to work Friday afternoon, when I realised that he had a doctors appointment on Monday morning (booked a couple of weeks ago) and wasn't sure whether he'd let them know or not that he would need time off work.

Because it was Friday afternoon and getting late the office would be closed during the weekend so it might be too late to say anything if he'd forgotten.

I walked up to him and he shooed me away with his hand and then i quickly said "just wanted to say don't forget about your GP appointment."

To which he said "I know" and then mouthed fuck off at me.

I know it's annoying to have someone interrupt you when you're on the phone, but I wasn't interrupting him to ask him what he wanted for dinner, I was only doing it for his benefit.

Aibu?

OP posts:
QuintessentialOHara · 15/04/2013 13:20

Could he not have phoned back after his call?
When he had finished, you could have said "Did you mention about your GP appointment?" and he would have either said yes, or "oh shoot, thanks for reminding me" and called back?

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 15/04/2013 13:23

I think he was overly harsh. People interrupt people all the time on the phone, although annoying. Also what you said was related to him and helpful, it's not like you were yelling out something completely unrelated like 'what's for tea tonight?'

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 13:46

He could always have rung back

Doubtful. The office closes at 5 on a Friday. It was getting close to 5 (literally 16:55) when he was on the phone and talking so who knows when he would have finished. After 5 no-one will answer a call in the office on a Friday.

He's had that happen to him before.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 13:49

Sort of thing my mother would do.

I'm not trying to be his mother. I don't make his dinner every night and buy his clothes or lie out what he is going to wear each day.

The appointment was made a while ago (we have a really good doctor, she is extremely popular and only works part-time so it takes forever to get an appointment with her if its not deemed to be an emergency.)

I noticed the appointment card (on the freezer) when he was on the phone. I was just trying to be helpful - not trying to manage his life. I'm not a control freak.

OP posts:
TigOldBitties · 15/04/2013 13:50

I think its a bit of both. I've done similar to DH and him to me, or even with the DC. Its very annoying to have someone badgering you when you're on the phone, especially as you don't know what its about. On the other hand you were trying to help.

I wouldn't care about being told to fuck off because thats our relationship. If its abnormal for yours I'd be pissed off.

In future I would pass him or anyone on the phone a note rather than try to interrupt, it never goes well.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 15/04/2013 13:54

My mother says 'I was just trying to be helpful' as well. But it is really annoying when she interferes.

QuintessentialOHara · 15/04/2013 13:56

Maybe it would have been better to just show him the card instead of making him listen to two people at the same time?

mumof2aimingfor4 · 15/04/2013 14:02

Ny OH works from home so I deal with this often. I write it on a bit of paper and pop it on desk in front of him. Simplified, doctors monday 13.00 (or whatever time yswim). If he was to beush me off in that way thoigj I wouldnt really be bothered, yes its rude but also massively annoying to be spoken to when on the phone. Come on ladies we know females are the only ones that can multi task! I would have stuck my tongue out at him though and given him the finger! (In a mock like way).

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 14:02

MN does have a strange view sometimes. I genuinely don't mind being told that I was annoying.

But when I get made out to be a control freak and trying to be his mother - when I've written a small paragraph about my life.

I get the impression that if I saw him leave the house without his house key and I went out to give it to him before he left then I would be considered controling he's a grown man and I shouldn't interfere in his life.

Trying to be helpful, isn't trying to be someones mother.

Like I said the appointment was made weeks ago so it's easily forgotten about as it wasn't an emergency appointment. He would have got into trouble for taking time off on the day without warning them beforehand. He wouldn't have been able to ring back either.

Yes I could have sat back and thought - it's not me whos going to get into trouble so why should I care?

But I wouldn't do that because he's someone I love and care about and I wouldn't like to think of him having a hard time at work because of a small mistake.

OP posts:
mumof2aimingfor4 · 15/04/2013 14:12

RoxanneRedLight it is clear that you were trying to help your DP. Dont fret over some replies.

Squitten · 15/04/2013 14:15

Seems clear to me that you were trying to be helpful. There was certainly no need for that kind of response from him. Has he apologised or said anything about it since?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 15/04/2013 14:24

I never said said you were trying to be his mother - just that my mother does this (interrupt on the phone to tell me something I already know) and I find it annoying. I think it's infuriating to be interrupted on the phone - you did ask!

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 14:40

Thanks mumof2 I just don't like being painted as someone who mothers their partner and is a control freak.

And Sabrina of course you were implying that I was trying to be his mother. I've never interrupted him on the phone before. I obviously won't again.

If someone interrupts me on the phone - if it's important then I don't mind. To find it infuriating is just way too aggressive.

OP posts:
TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 14:45

OP, do you both speak to each other like that sometimes?

(Not that I think that's a great way to behave in general, but it's less of an issue if you do).

If not then he really does need to apologize to you, just so he understands that you will not be spoken to like that.

Don't worry about the control freak comments btw, I'd have thought he was a twunt for that too.

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 14:47

Thank you.

He has spoken to me like that before. I don't do it to him.

OP posts:
Gales · 15/04/2013 14:50

You were treating hIm like a child. Of course you were trying to be helpful,but ultimately not your problem.

He should never have spoken to you like that though.

TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 14:51

Then you should definitely pull him up on it.

If you're not ok with it & then he should respect that. Doesn't matter if others think you're being OTT, it's down to how you feel. I'd say the same if the tables were turned too. Everyone deserves to feel respected in a relationship & it sounds like maybe you're not feeling that 100% (which is understandable really).

TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 14:52

& it just sort of appeared in that first sentence Grin

MimiSunshine · 15/04/2013 14:53

Its 6 of one half a dozen of the other. You knew you were trying to be helpful and you knew what you were about to tell him. He didn?t - unless he?s psychic - so to him in that moment you were distracting him by walking up to him and then when he shooed you (asked you to go) away you decide instead to stay there and then talk at him.

I don?t think its reasonable to tell you to fck off but it is massively irritating when people can see you?re on the phone and insist on speaking to you, usually starting with ?I just want to tell you?? and then also whisper it to you so the person on the other end cant hear them. well you cant hear them either as they?re whispering. Arrhh fck off.

My mum used to do this when we were in the car and she?d asked me to call someone while she was driving. It used to irritate the life out of me.

TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 14:53

And I think she got the point already about not bothering in the future.

She was only trying to be helpful though & he did react quite twattishly Hmm

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 14:53

You were treating hIm like a child.

Yes of course I was. I also pick what pants he's wearing every day. And make him a packed lunch - because without me he would starve.

OP posts:
TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 14:54

That's the thing though...it's about the reaction.

And most people seem to thin that, context aside, it wasn't called for.

Original poster
RoxanneRedLight · 15/04/2013 14:56

You decide instead to stay there and then talk at him.

Not really.

He shooed me away in a very dismissive way, and then walked away with his back to me, I said don't forget about the GP appointment - (hardly a conversation, I didn't expect a reply from him).

I made to walk off after that and he turned around said I know and then mouthed - fuck off.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 15/04/2013 14:57

If he has not sorted time off with work then that's his problem. He shouldn't need you to remind him.

TheYoniKeeper · 15/04/2013 15:00

OP ignore the comments about it. Everyone knows that's irritating but most people don't react quite that bad. Have certainly never told DS or DP to fuck off when they've been bugging me whilst cooking dinner or phoning the bank etc (though I use the 'just a sec' finger point to DP if he hasn't realized i'm on the phone).

Are you going to talk to him about the actual response? And when he's said it before etc? Or are you ok with it?