Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 48 is too old to father a child?

123 replies

ali23 · 14/04/2013 19:52

Is it? There are 10 years between DH and I. We are swaying over a last baby which we'd both love. I miscarried a year ago and since then it's just not happening and the seed was planted that perhaps it was a sign it split wasn't to be. Also, for the first time in the relationship I feel that it might be unfair on a kid to grow up with its dad not at his former sprightly best. We have been blessed already with 3 dc so we are perhaps being a bit greedy!

OP posts:
Fishandjam · 14/04/2013 22:07

My DH was 45 when DC2 was born (42 for DC1). I'm late 30s. We're both often knackered but I suspect we'd have felt the same way in our 20s! Occasionally I worry about popping our clogs when the DCs are still young - but my own dad was 35 when I was born, and was dead by the time I was 10. So I reckon that fate will do what it wants irrespective of your plans, there's no "ideal" time, and that if you feel able to contemplate it, you're not too old. Good luck!

cory · 14/04/2013 22:08

FIL was 51 when dh was born, retired when his sons were still young and became a SAHD while MIL took over as the main breadwinner. He was still around to see his grandchildren, and finally died at the age of 93.

FIL's body deteriorated when he was in his teens, due to TB; he had a lame leg and was mildly disabled ever after, so in his case, having children at 25 or 50 probably didn't make that much difference; he never would have been able to run around after them. Physically, he was an old man at 30. Mentally, he was still young at 90.

hwjm1945 · 14/04/2013 22:15

It rea

b4bunnies · 14/04/2013 22:24

abraham and his seed forever...

DrCoconut · 14/04/2013 22:25

My dad was 60 just 5 days after I was born. He died when I was 6 but that was illness not age.

IvorHughJangova · 14/04/2013 22:29

My dad was 42 when I came along (last of four). He's now nearly 70. He's one of my best friends and the most incredible dad I could ever have wished for, though he's far from sprightly and was past playing etc. when I was young and wanted to run about and climb stuff. I don't think your DH is too old at all, though I do understand what you mean about your MC planting a seed that it's not to be, as I've been there myself.

nokidshere · 14/04/2013 22:32

DH was 46 & 48 when we had our two. He is now approaching 60 and he is as fit and healthy as he has ever been. His mum is 93 and still looks after herself in her own home. My mum is 70 and can't walk or even cook herself a meal.(and hasn't been able to since she was in her 40s)

You have no idea who is going to be able or not or at what age. Go for it.

DoTheStrand · 14/04/2013 22:33

My DH is 52. We have DS1 3.9 and DS2 14 months. We're trying for another too (I am 42). He also has two DSs in their late teens / early twenties. He finds it tiring but I think that is as much because he has to deal with the baby and toddler stuff and the teenage / off to uni stuff at the same time. (So yesterday he drove to London to collect his DS1 and 2 and bring them back then I went out last night so he was in charge of our little DS2 who's been waking / teething a lot).

He says that workwise it can often be better to have children early or late as in your 30s (typical middle manager age) you tend to be getting pressure from above and below which adds to the stresses of having a young family.

My dad was an older dad and looked it - but I think he was born middle aged. It's just not like that now.

Good luck OP Smile

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 14/04/2013 22:39

My DH is 12 years older than me and he will become a Father for the first time in August, a couple of weeks after his 46th birthday.

AnAirOfHope · 14/04/2013 22:41

It depends on the individual.

My Mum was 40 and dad 43 and i thought they were too old. The were called Grandparents by my school friends, my mum didnt play and my older sisters 16 & 18 when i was born looked after me till they moved out. I hated having older parents.

My eldest sister will be 50 in a few months time and her dh 47, they have twin 2 yo and they are finding it hard.

I think its about the individual.

TonysHardWorkDay · 14/04/2013 22:41

My parents had my youngest 2 siblings when they were both in their 40's. They say that the children kept them young.

My little siblings are adults and one is about to become a parent themselves, my parents are still not old.

Jan49 · 15/04/2013 02:49

I don't understand why you wouldn't be happy to stop at 3 (or in fact 2!) Of course it's up to you both, but there just seems to be no reason to take on the risks and difficulties associated with his age (sperm quality and coping with a young child when you're an older parent) when you already have 3 children.

One thing I don't think anyone's mentioned (apologies if they have) is that if you have another you are both going to need to provide financially for 4 children until your DH is in his mid-60s or older. That's a big responsibility. It might seem OK when he's 48 but you might both feel differently when he's 66 and has to deal with a teenager still in school and needing financial support.

sarahtigh · 15/04/2013 09:52

my dad was 44 when I was born and 55 when my youngest sister was born he is still alive and well at 89, youngest sister is 33

my DH is 50 and DD 3, perhaps not ideal but we are all happy and healthy, I reckon DH is better off with happy parents together, I choose not to have a child until i was as sure as is possible I was with the right man of course there are no certainties in life, DH lost his father in industrial accident when he was 14, if his father had lived he would have been 94 now

Timetoask · 15/04/2013 10:02

If you already have 3 children, then I think you should probably not have another one.
My DH was 48 when we had DS2. DH is very fit, active, hard working, wonderful!!!, HOWEVER, he is really feeling the impact on his energy when looking after an active child. It is very tiring!!!
You may have a child that never sleeps or an angel, who knows!

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 15/04/2013 10:03

My dad was 54 when I was born, I'm the last of his children. He was a totally normal dad. He wasn't fit and healthy and he didn't play football which always seems to be trotted out as something of import on these threads. He knew a lot and was laid back and patient and could give us a first hand account of the war which gave him an edge over younger dads. He died when I was a teenager, it happens, it was sad but it wasn't devastating in the 'I wish I'd never been born' sense. The worst of it was he never got a proper retirement, he was still working p/t and had 2 dcs still at home when he died.

lightsandshapes · 15/04/2013 13:43

Eek, my dp os 48 and ds is 16 months. Don't be ageist! I'm offended Wink

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/04/2013 13:49

I don't think its too old but I would pay a lot of consideration to the finances.

Have got friends who were similar age when they had child (actually a bit older) and now the child is 9 they're thinking about oncoming retirement and how that will impact on the child's education/funding university in the future etc when on a pension.

bigkidsdidit · 15/04/2013 13:54

I would be very anxious about money in this situation. How much support would you ideally give a child at university, for example, and could you do so on a pension? I would have to think about it very carefully; for me persoanlly, it is a bit old.

Theas18 · 15/04/2013 14:01

Hmm dunno. My dad was 44 when they had me and 46 when they had my sister. I'm now well (yes WELL LOL) below 50, working FT and juggling a teen/young adult family whilst being the only child in the UK to try to help (at a distance) basically crumbling old people.

Had my parents had me younger I would be in my late 50s/early 60s now and my family would be properly grown and flown the nest. I would probably be winding down to retirement myself too and have more time to devote to them. I think I'm about 10yrs too young to be able to take all this on.

I am really struggling at the moment to juggle all the demands on my time. Does that sound bad?

MrsCampbellBlack · 15/04/2013 14:03

No Thea - I think that's a very valid point to be honest.

hotcrosbum · 15/04/2013 14:11

It depends on the individuals involved, but for me, it would be too old.

My dad was 46 when I was born, my mother was 32. However, she died when I was a child and my dad is now nearly 80 and i have been responsible for him since I was in my 20s. I haven't had a 'normal' life due to feeling that I have to look after him, he expects it and I resent him for it. He has held me back in life due to thinking i have some kind of duty to him.

If he wasn't so demanding of me I guess I would feel differently.

hotcrosbum · 15/04/2013 14:12

Also, I couldn't do further study after 16 due to money issues.

2margarinesonthego · 15/04/2013 14:21

It definitely depends on the man involved.
My DH was 46 when DC1 was born
He will be almost 48 when DC2 is born.

It's not too old.

wordfactory · 15/04/2013 14:29

I don't think any age is too old per se.

However, the parents must consider finances. Will older parents still be able to retire at a reasonable age. DH has a friend who will need to work well into his seventies to pay for his DC through university. He's not over the moon about it tbh. He's also not certain he will be able to get any work at that age.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 15/04/2013 14:33

BIL was 51 when DSIS's youngest was born.

it's a good job he loves his work, as at 68 he will be at least partly financially responsible for his 19 and 17 year old children for a while yet.