AIBU to thnk that mixed sex sleepovers for 15/16 year olds is asking for trouble?

[Lilly3000]

Particularly when parents supply alcohol. A I B an U prude?

I meant YANBanUPrude. Fat fingers.

Lets just say, a few of my friend's parents let us have mixed sex sleepovers at 15/16. With alcohol.

I wouldn't let my DD right now. She is 15. I'm 31. Do the Maths...

And that's why it would be a HELL NO from me!!

I had a bad experience aged 15 staying over at a friends house. Her cousins turned up and were allowed to stay too. The parents thought they were sweetness and light. The 17 yr old crept into my room in the night and tried to get in bed with me. I was terrified!

So, FuckThisShit, 100% of 15/16 year olds are drinking and having sex?

Dd 16 is in a drama group and the older ones (all aged 14-16) regularly have sleepovers..there are 2 boys and 8 girls.
We know all the families, and have done for ten years.
There is no boyfriend/girlfriend status...they are all mates.
There is no alcohol.

I would not let dd go to a sleepover at someone we didn't know, if it was mixed. It's a diffent situation.

I'm not sure that I agree with the "well as long as I know where they are" argument. I never saw it as my job to make their sexual and alcohol experimentation more comfortable for them.

Mine are in their mid twenties now, so have already done the teenage thing. Not too bad, all things considered.

They wouldn't have been allowed on a mixed sleepover with alcohol, so YANBU.

I think people are slightly naive if they think that saying no and not "allowing" alcohol etc will mean that their teenage DCs won't drink/have sex etc.
I agree, I would rather know my DCs were in a somewhat controlled environment, rather that doing what I did at 15 which was drinking in the park late at night because my mum wouldn't let me drink/go to parties etc.

She used to think I was staying with my friend-well I was staying with my friend. But we used to sit in the park until 1am getting pissed with boys I didn't even know.

Of course, not all 15/16 year olds are drinking and having sex. But a good percentage probably are. And I tend to think its slightly unrealistic to expect them to have never tasted alcohol until they are 18. Just because their parent said no.

I think it depends on how well you know/like DCs friends. Both my DDs went to/had mixed sleepovers in their teens because, as someone said up thread, we lived rurally and people just couldn't get home without parents trekking halfway across the county to pick them up.

And sometimes there was a bit of alcohol, but only a few beers or cider, it wasn't the point of the evening. They were all nice youngsters; they sat up half the night talking and then crashed out. As they were all in one room I would have been surprised if there was much more going on that a bit of snogging but, as others have said, if they want to have sex they will find an opportunity. I don't think a roomful of their mates is really the ideal place to start!

Sounds like a nightmare even without alcohol.

Well, some of you are being rather narrow minded to think that all teens are having sex. It's simply not true. It wasn't true in any generation. You 'knowing' lots of people who did, just meant you mixed with people who did, it doesn't mean that all 15/16yr olds are. Even when they do surveys, they usually come out as fewer than 50% - sometimes considerably fewer, and that's not accounting for people "boasting" that they have, when they haven't.
Yes, a lot of teens will, but equally a lot of 15/16yr olds aren't having sex, and it's not fair to lump everyone together. It's got nothing to do with ignorance or adults niaviety.

eh, i had mixed sex sleepovers at that age. the parents were always home - yes, there was alcohol, but it was in moderation and that was always going to better than us being in a park somewhere with no supervision whatsoever.

I'm in the I would rather know what they are up to boat..

I used to sneak out, get drunk in parks/older lads houses/flats because we had to sneak no one knew where we was or who we where with and to be honest I look back now and wonder to god how I did not end up in a ditch somewhere having to be bagged up..

I ran away to an older lads house because I was not allowed to spend one night my parents spent a week searching for me. Did it stop me? No they got me back the night after I buggered off out again though a window because they hid the door keys. I got into cars with people I barely knew. I knew all the rules about safety and that I shouldn't do it but I wanted to have fun and drink and everything else my parents said no too. I moved out by 15 into a boyfriends house who's mum was of the opinion of I would rather know and guess what we would have nice chats over 1 glass of wine rather than downing vodka like it was going to be gone tomorrow..

So with my kids they can have a mixed sleep over I will order a take away and a can of drink each. I know they will be safe and not doing the stupid crap I did because I was not allowed a drink or boy in the house

Right, so now I know what to do. There has to be a responsible adult present (one who's got the authority to say no and mean it). That's really why I felt uncomfortable I think. I once had a 'really nice' boyfriend who treated me with respect. He went off into the armed forces and boasted to a friend that there had been more than kissing between us. On leave (we lived in the same village) that friend plied me with alcohol until I was senseless, then raped me, in my school uniform. I was 13. So yes, I am wary of alcohol and boys, even nice ones. Girls need to be protected, anyone who says they don't, pisses me off.

Saski I didn't say that. According to the DforE website 80% of children will have had alcohol by the age of 16. Around 40% of children under the age of 16 have had sex, rising to nearer 70% for under 18, the majority losing their virginity at 16.

I think one must be pretty naive to think that their 15/16 year old will not have had alcohol and will not have had at least some form of sexual activity, excluding actual sex.

I have three teenagers, two DDs and a DS, my DS is 16.7 and among his peer group he says that pretty much everyone has at least 'snogged' and a bit more, and probably 3/4 of them have gone further. My daughters were 16 and almost 16 when they lost their virginity to their boyfriends who they are still with now. I have NO issue with this. They are sensible and I trust them.

I find that those of their friends who have parents saying No, no, no to everything, are the very ones who stick their fingers up and pretty much say 'fuck you' back, before behaving appallingly, then at 15 and now at 18/19/20. These are the friends that would and still do have a shag down an alley, in a park - anywhere to defy their parents.

Not permitting co-ed sleepovers does not equal naive. I don't think that anyone here is saying "there's no way that MY kids will be having sex.".

In fact, I've said several times, I think that just my saying no and making it difficult for them is good enough for me to live with the kind of minor shenanigans that that I think "nice" kids get into (this might include sex - it does NOT include casual sex and hanging out with the kind of parents that provide alcohol - no way).

Sounds like the kids you're speaking of that say "fuck you" back to their parents haven't really been raised properly in any case.

Viviennemary Mixed sex sleepovers. What is the world coming to. Absolutely not.

I was enjoying the delights of certain friends' parents liberal attitudes to teenagers and drink back in the early nineties, so its not a new thing at all

I may have been at the same parties sleepovers as Toasttoppers

I don't really see the issue, but I'm only just out of the getting drunk with groups of girls and boys phase being nearly 22 so perhaps when I am a mum I will feel differently. But I don't think it's done me any damage and I didn't get a nasty reputation or an STI. I've even beaten my own mother in the getting-pregnant-young stakes. So maybe when these things aren't made into a taboo teenagers learn from their mistakes and don't feel the need to push the boundaries all the time.

But it's also probably dependant on the parents and teens involved. We were all quite a sensible group of 15/16/17 year olds, and a few choice folks I went to school with really weren't. And whenever we were round mine my mum would drink with us, listen to our music and watch our films and share our jokes which made us feel like we were young adults on the same level rather than "just kids".

Depends how supervised it would be. I know at that age (and younger) that would have meant lots of booze and rude things in my group of friends!

I hate sleepovers at the best of times so I would let my son go to a party but I would pick him up and bring him home.

We host a lot of get togethers for his group of friends. It wouldn't even cross my mind to provide/allow alcohol or suggest they slept over. With 3 younger kids, the last thing I would want in my home is a bunch of drunk teenagers. But it doesn't seem to be bothering DS' friends that much as they still seem to be at my house every Friday and Saturday night.

Depends on the kids involved imo.

Unless an adult is in presence the whole time then absolutely no no no way!
I don't care if other posters did the same when they were young, times have changed and these kids will be getting sexual whether it be full on sex or just fumbling under the covers, at that age boys AND girls hormones are raging and couple that with alcohol and think its ok is just irresponsible. At that age I would have jumped at the chance to spend the night with my crush at the time, regardless of whether there were a group of us or not.
I'm an adult and I found the hard way alcohol makes you less inhibited and do things willingly that you would not normally do.