AIBU to thnk that mixed sex sleepovers for 15/16 year olds is asking for trouble?

[Lilly3000]

Particularly when parents supply alcohol. A I B an U prude?

It depends on the teens. I had loads of mixed sleepovers at 16/17 (mostly parties when I had the house to myself) and nothing ever happened. We drank a fair bit though :)

If they are all friends that hang out together then im not sure why there would be a problem. When I was young our group of friends was completely mixed and boys we're in year above us and believe it or not we didnt have any physical attraction towards each other thats why our friendships were so good.
If the alcohol is limited and they eat a takeaway or something then I can't see a problem. My OH however would never allow it!

I had mixed sleepovers at 15/ 16 /17.

Lots of snogging etc but no sex.

Dad said he'd rather know where I was.

Lilly if you have educated her to all the potential dangers then there is not much else you can do. If you believe you can trust her that is the main thing. They need space to grow. I would have the sleepover at my own house, I would check on the amount of alcohol, lay ground rules ie your all in the living room, door stays open all night.

I wonder if this is a rural vs town thing? We did mixed sleepovers loads when I was 16/17 because we lived in the arse-end of nowhere a very rural area and it saved the parents driving miles to collect DC late at night and also removed the temptation to drink-drive once we turned 17. We had alcohol. The parents of the host child were always around. To the best of my knowledge, no one ever shagged at one.

Once your DC are 16, it's only 2 short years till they'll be at Uni. They need to learn to negotiate alcohol and social situations before they get there or they will be terribly vulnerable. Better to start to do this in a controlled situation with adults present and with friends they know well than in Freshers' week with a bunch of strangers.

Erm - fairly sure there's mutual attraction there between parties, from what my daughter has said. The girl who's house it is, invited her boyfriend as number 1 guest. Her mum has washed her hands of the situation.

Hmm then that seems a bit cheeky of the girl whos house it was. That puts a different light on it.

Anyoneforturps - yes rural area, middle of nowhere. You make some good points, although I think Yr11 is still a bit young to be learning those lessons. 17 sounds more reasonable.

If the friend's mother will not be supervising, that's a different matter. Most of the teenage sleepovers I attended were at the house of a friend with hospitable but extremely old-school no nonsense parents. The boys were far too scared of his DM to try anything on .

Sounds like there is good trust and education there & it is probably time to start the letting go.

Have the first one at yours and then decide from there.

We had loads of mixed sleepovers age 13-19ish and yes, sometimes things went on, but more often than not they went on at other times!

Teenagers will find a way to do what they want to do but my parents were of the 'rather know where you were' type too so we had a lot of parties with the alcohol supervised.

She knew very well we would just go and drink/snog boys in the local woods/streets/park if we couldn't have friends at home.

She's very cheeky. Earlier in the week she arranged for us to collect her for a party. When I called her mum to check times etc her mum knew nothing about it and was very upset. She said no more parties etc and then two days later this sleepover was arranged. Her mum's not well and I feel a bit pissed off on her account. Just wanted to check if it was this that was colouring my judgement or if sleepovers for 15/16 year olds with alcohol and an absent parent was ok for others. I can be a bit too strict sometimes and I have to keep myself in check.

Mixed sex sleepovers. What is the world coming to. Absolutely not.

Sorry, collect her for a party was a different party. Bloody Easter holidays.

For those who say, they'd rather know, they'd rather they be at home- don't you think there's some value in telling your kids no because you don't approve and it's way too early?

If you limit the alcohol then it's OK - oh my god. I've heard it all.

Saski, do you think if you say "no" they will just go "ok" and then not drink or do anything with boys whilst out of sight...?!

saski how do they learn safely, if not in a controlled environment? Pretending that teenagers never drink then launching them on the world at 18 with no experience of learning to drink sensibly or know their boundaries is asking for trouble. Making alcohol taboo also glamorises it as forbidden fruit.

I can tell you this, if my kids drink or have sex as young teenagers (and that includes 15/16) - it won't be without my putting every obstacle possible in their way. Saying no to this means something.

I'm not their friend, I'm their mother.

My kids will be more than welcome to have watered down wine with us at dinner from 13/14 onward, or whenever we get to an age where it seems appropriate. Not with their friends.

Teenagers are going to be teenagers. My parents let me drink alcohol and used to take me to the pub (obviously I didnt drink there) but I grew up wiser for it. I seldom drink now and I never drank past being tipsy. Its all about the education and approach. We can only guide them so far. My dads line was the best, his answer to me on many an occasion would be, I would prefer you not to but its up to you. I respected him too much to do otherwise. But that was my character. It all comes down to the individuals involved.

My parents never drank, so I didn't really understand its potency. This got me into very hot water. We do let our daughter have an occasional glass of cider, or a sip of champagne as I think that's not the end of the world and she's got to learn. Thankfully she doesn't like the taste of alcohol in general. Still I bought her some WKD to try ( to demystify it if you like). I tasted it and it was like seven shades of shit. To my horror she thought it tasted 'lovely'

I think you only get the more responsible/ stricter parents answering on these threads tbh. That was certainly my experience when 14yo DD had a 'gathering'. Friends of friends turned up, either already drunk or 'carrying'. No extras stayed over just the 9 prearranged on the sitting room floor- but only 2 parents had called to check.

I agree, it is. It's very hard to let go of their hand over these things, but it has to be done. Question is - when? Yr 11? Sixth form? There's been a surprising amount of girl-bashing on this thread, which I've decided to rise above. I've spent the last 16 years telling my daughters to respect their bodies and I think they need an extra level of guardianship, now more than ever.