Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to thnk that mixed sex sleepovers for 15/16 year olds is asking for trouble?

95 replies

Lilly3000 · 14/04/2013 17:37

Particularly when parents supply alcohol. A I B an U prude?

OP posts:
Toasttoppers · 14/04/2013 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lilly3000 · 14/04/2013 20:11

This was also true for me toasttoppers - which is why I'm so skeptical. If I'd known that my parents were going to collect me, or even if they were going to be cross about it, that would have made a difference. As it was, nobody mentioned it, I thought it was to be expected and drink made my inhibitions easier to deal with. I thought it was part of growing up, which it was - just too soon.

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 14/04/2013 20:21

I agree with Taggie. TBH they are going to do whatever they are going to do during any evening get togethers anyway - the least harm is when they are asleep IYSWIM!

MrsMelons · 14/04/2013 20:23

I am not saying I would actually supply alcohol BTW (not sure about that part) but its a difficult one as actually supervised drinking indoors is better at the park of course. I was allowed to at 15, I can't imagine that my parents would have had much of a say by the time I was 17.

My DHs parents were super strict so he and his sister used to sneak out so you have to give them a little leeway I guess. My parents weren't as strict and as a result they always knew where I was and I never ever lied to them.

TaggieCampbellBlack · 14/04/2013 20:43

'I agree with Taggie' Grin that's never happened before!

MrsMelons · 14/04/2013 20:47

Grin well I am sure not many other people will agree with us though!

mumof2aimingfor4 · 14/04/2013 21:06

Ladies I am in agreement with you Wink

MrsMelons · 14/04/2013 21:09

Its a miracle Grin

McNewPants2013 · 14/04/2013 21:10

My pov is my childhood, where I used to drink in the park and in the streets and go back to my house when I knew my mum would be in bed.

Looking back I did put myself in some dangourous situation, especially drinking in the woods.

For me if my children are going to drink I would prefer it be in my house or a friends house.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 14/04/2013 21:10

It is possible to have sex in the middle of the day. And get pissed then, too.

My friend's parents used to host parties which turned into sleepovers - they would separate the girls and the boys, make sure there were buckets and bowls if anyone was worse for wear, and pretty much tuck us in. We wouldn't have dared leave the separate rooms we were in - too much respect for them!

AnyoneforTurps · 14/04/2013 21:16

I think lots of teenagers actually want adult guidance in these situations but don't feel they can admit that. Which is why letting them get used to alcohol (in moderation) and being in mixed-sex social situations (provided there are responsible parents present who will enforce separate bedrooms etc) is important. Of course, if they really want to shag, they will, but banning sleepovers isn't going to prevent that. I don't think they are any higher risk than a normal party.

jacks365 · 14/04/2013 21:38

I've hosted mixed sex sleepovers and even supplied a small amount of alcohol but i always make sure i speak to parents directly to check they are ok with it and the boys and girls were well separated. We live in a 3 storey house so boys on ground floor girls on 2nd floor and me in between. Oh and 3 baby gates due to very young child if they'd tried sneaking about i would have heard them. We live in a rural area and sleepovers are generally the only get togethers they have outside school. My daughters friends parents have similar rules in place and it is effective with the group involved however given your scenario i would say no chance.

Portofino · 14/04/2013 21:47

I think teenagers will find a way to what they want to do or not do without any help from their parents. Imho being too draconian leads to lies and them doing those things anyway.

Portofino · 14/04/2013 21:49

Better to chat with them before hand re sex, drugs, alcohol.

somethingscary · 14/04/2013 22:17

Haven't read all the postings. DS is in year 12, he has a close group of friends, boys & girls & they have mixed sleepovers. To start with I was against it, but nothing goes on - they really are friends & nothing else, and having them all in a small room actually prevents anything from happening. They came here last week. The boys had 2 beers each, the girls had an alcopop each & then they drank tea & played scrabble. Rock n roll!

b4bunnies · 14/04/2013 22:28

oh dear. no, i wouldn't want to allow my child/teenager to be in that situation.

landrover · 14/04/2013 22:34

Isnt that an orgy!!!!!!Grin

ConfuzzledMummy · 14/04/2013 22:39

16 year olds and alcohol = Sex, I know I was that 16 year old, without the alcohol then maybe yes. Would definitely have a few adults present and bedroom doors locked!

DeadWomanWalking · 14/04/2013 22:40

I don't know really, at 15/16 they're going to do what they want really. By the time I was 16 the boys we hung around with usually had their own places and there were no parents around anyway. I used to tell my parents I was staying at my friends and vice versa. I'd moved in with DH before I was 17 so, I'm possibly not going to give a fair opinion. DSD was going on girls holidays by the time she was 16, I'm sure there was a lot of mixed sex sleepovers on those. Wink

SirBoobAlot · 14/04/2013 22:50

I went to lots, and had a few for birthdays.

Apart from one of them, we were all members of the same cadet unit. Usual group of us was two couples plus two other friends. The two couples usually did have a bit of a mess around, and everyone had the odd drink (maybe one / two beers or alcopops), but generally it was chatting, bitching about other cadet units Wink, a bit of singing to the theme tunes we gathered over our adventures, a few card games and eating junk food. We never caused any trouble, always tidied up the following morning, replaced any supplies we had used up, etc.

I'll make my decision when DS is that age, but, as several people have said, if he will be drinking (and I'm not foolish enough to think that by just not providing him with booze means he won't drink) or having sex, I would rather have it going on in my house, where I know he is safe, and where all the group are safe, than going on the middle of a park somewhere.

Not all of what I got up to at 16 was ideal, but generally I was hard working, successful and committed to my school work. If DS is the same, and his friends are, then I will probably be fine with it. When they happened at my parents house, the lads were upstairs in my bedroom, whilst us girls were in the front room (there were more of us). At my friends, the two couples tended to room in together, with the other two friends in the spare room. I think I may well do the same as my parents, but again, will have to make that decision at the time.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 14/04/2013 23:06

DS1 goes to these and we have had one here. His group of friends are lovely people. There are goups of kids in his year at school who have a very different type of sleepover and I would say no to that.

Depends very much on the kids really.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 14/04/2013 23:08

And to be fair - re your comment about there being 'girl bashing' on this thread, you were the first to make gender specific remarks that were extremely derogatory. Other posters were pointing out that your attitude was somewhat naive.

sashh · 15/04/2013 01:31

I don't agree with it. If they do mixed sex sleep overs at 12 and 13 with a bit of alcohol and snogging, by 15 and 16 its surely going to move up a notch or two

Really? In a group?

By that reasoning by the time they are 30 they will have all been to orgies, been dogging, visited fetish clubs etc. etc.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 15/04/2013 01:33

Nope, YABanUPrude!

NFW would 15yo DD be going to a mixed sex sleepover! And the alcohol would be another big no-no.

Mostly because I know what I would have got up to at the same age in the same circumstances...Blush

FuckThisShit · 15/04/2013 01:50

Meh. Didn't bother me when my older three were 15/16. They had them at ours and at their friends' houses. I have both a boy (now 16) and 2 older girls. I trusted them, as did their friends' parents.

They will drink. They will have sex. Anyone who thinks their precious teens won't is deluded.