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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate the way I look?

54 replies

Bogeyface · 13/04/2013 21:12

I am heavier now than the day after I gave birth to DD, a size 18 and disgusting.

I am 40 in 6 weeks, supposed to be having a party but I dont want anyone to see me like this. I tried on my favourite dress that I assumed would still fit and I cant do it up. I am working and on my feet all day but I am not losing any weight despite doing it for the last 6 weeks or so, I had thought that the extra exercise would do it. I cant get to any diet meetings but I need the support as I dont have the self discipline to do it alone.

WIBU to cancel my party, I know people will take photos and I really dont want myself to be captured looking like this. 6 weeks is not long enough to shift nearly 3 stone is it :( I didnt realise I had got so big, de Nile ain't just a river in Egypt......

Forgive me this pity party, I am not normally a whinger but this has really upset me.

OP posts:

queencat · 13/04/2013 21:19

I know how you feel, I'm in the same boat. Don't cancel your party your friends and family will love you as you are!

LindyHemming · 13/04/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Barbie1 · 13/04/2013 21:23

Don't cancel your party.

6 weeks is long enough to feel better about yourself.

Can you do some home treatments? Mani/ pedi, face mask or that kind of thing.

I've just painted my nails and I feel a little bit better and more groomed

How about starting a thread asking for support with your diet, will save you having to go to the classes?

borisjohnsonshair · 13/04/2013 21:24

Ok, you need to be realistic. In 6 weeks you could probably lose a stone if you cut down a bit. Just tell yourself no more bread, potatoes, cake, crisps and puddings. Fill up with lots of fresh meat, fruit and veg instead. It's only for 6 weeks, you CAN do it. By the, you'll more than likely fit back into your old dress, or if you don't then get a new one and you'll feel sooo much better.

Last year I needed (like you) to lose 3 stone. I've lost only a stone but do feel so much better and more confident, so don't lose heart.

Try using MyFitnessPal; it has a really good calorie counter but also lots of people you can pal up with who'll help to encourage you. Lots of luck and happy birthday!

Mehrida · 13/04/2013 21:24

If you're doing more exercise but your weight has reached a plateau, it may be worth looking at what you're eating.

Six weeks is enough time to make a good dent in your three stone but it won't be easy. I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app and it's great. Lets you see what you're putting in/burning off.

Keep the party and use it as a target/motivation to really kickstart yourself. Good luck!

everlong · 13/04/2013 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarredfromhavingStella · 13/04/2013 21:30

You need to look at what you're eating as clearly you're exercising.

Don't cancel the party, even if you don't shift much weight in the 6 weeks go out & buy a new outfit that makes you feel fab.

Themobstersknife · 13/04/2013 21:30

First of all, being a size 18 doesn't mean you are disgusting and doesn't mean you can't look good. But it sounds like you want to lose weight, so here is my advice on that. You are right to say you cannot lose 3 stone in 6 weeks healthily. But I reckon you can lose 1-1.5 stone and feel good in your favourite dress. Buy the Paul McKenna Hypnotic Gastric Band book. For about £7 you will get a book, a CD and a DVD. If you follow his instructions, you will lose weight, even if you are cynical about hypnosis. I lost about a stone in a few weeks. You can do this!
But honestly, hitting 40 is great! People at your party love you! Have a great night and don't worry! Don't cancel!

Fairylea · 13/04/2013 21:31

I know exactly how you feel.

Ds is 10 months now (my second child) and I weigh two stone more now than when I had him I'm ashamed to say. It's down to comfort eating as I get bored at home during the day. Despite two long walks a day it's not coming off and I don'thave the energy to exercise more in the evenings as by 9.30pm I'm ready for bed.

I am now the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I am pushing 16-18. I was a size 8-10 for most of my life.

However..... I am of the thought that I am going to try and eat more healthily while walking as much as I can and hopefully I won't get any larger. Then as ds gets older and I have more time to go to the gym or whatever then I can try to lose the weight.

I would try to love yourself for all that you are and buy a dress that fits you as you are now, that you can enjoy enough to enjoy your party. They won't be judging you.

currentbuns · 13/04/2013 21:34

Don't let these feelings stop you from having a lovely birthday. I agree with others that if you really set your mind to it you could make a lot of changes to improve your self esteem within 6 weeks, and possibly lose quite a lot of weight.

pamelat · 13/04/2013 21:39

Don't cancel

We always view ourselves more negatively than others do

I'd pay to get my hair done, if you can afford it. Just choose a part of you for a re vamp to boost confidence

I agree with the others in 6 weeks you can probably lose a stone, not that it's all about weight but you talk about that and wanting to lose it

Can you buy a new outfit? Attention grabbing bright happy colours :)

NewStartinSpring · 13/04/2013 21:40

Don't give up!

I cut out carbs and sugar and it made such a difference.

You just need to eat protein and if you need something sweet have fruit or herbal tea. Swimming and running are both great exercises too.

Also on instagram I follow Befitpics - and they post inspirational photos every day.

And lastly -

Your weight does not define you. It is a number. You are not a number. You are a physical human being, who has friends and family who love you and want to celebrate your birthday with you.

tethering · 13/04/2013 21:40

I agree with boris I find when I start a low fat/high GI diet I lose about 2lbs a week which means nearly a stone in 6 weeks.

I think WW, slimming world and Rosemary Conley have online memberships which might help if you can't make any classes. Or start a regular thread on here asking for support. We can all lose weight for your party together

Bridgetbidet · 13/04/2013 22:02

I am doing the fast diet at the moment and have added in an extra fast day so 3 days a week. I eat healthily 3 days a week and have one day when I eat ice cream, pizza etc. I have lost 7lb in a week.

It' quite tough but it works quickly.

Nombrechanger · 13/04/2013 22:02

I too am a size 18 and 14st 8Ibs. I have put on 4 stone since I had my children 6 years ago.
I was a size 20-22 and 15st 10Ibs last year.

I know how horrible it is to feel inferior and have low self esteem.

Please don't cancel your birthday party. It's a special birthday and you should pamper yourself in the lead-up to it.
Get a manicure, get your hair done and you can start on being fitter and slimmer by really watching what type of foods you're eating and maybe walking more.

I feel silly giving advice but I am currently dieting and have lost a couple of pounds in a week. I have a wedding to go to in July and realistically I'm not going to be 4 stone slimmer (unless anyone's got a secret way they can recommend!) but I will try and go down a dress size.

jeansdoneupwitharubberband · 13/04/2013 22:04

try slimming world online, its very supportive and there are thousands of recipes of delicious food the whole family can eat so its easy to follow, i did it online as i cant get to meetings. My other half has done it too combined with adding in one or two 'fasting' days a week ( 500 calories in a day - see the 5:2 thread in the losing weight threads its easy if you have one evening meal i find) He lost almost ten lbs in 10 days doing this. You wont lose this amount consistently every week or so, but i would def recommend giving it a go. He is uber determined at the mo has lost 5 stone over 6 months or so and on a mission, but it shows you it can be done! dont cancel your party, it would be such a shame not to celebrate! 6 weeks is def enough time to lose at least a stone or even a stone and a half if your determined to do it, just think thats half of your total target! keep imagining everyones faces when you turn up looking fab and confident and happy in your party clobber! Go Go Go!
puts pom poms down

b4bunnies · 13/04/2013 23:42

look for some clothes you really like and want to be seen in.

TwinkleSparkleBling · 14/04/2013 00:32

OP I'll probably get flammed for this but here goes....

You could probably lose a large amount of what you want to by doing meal replacements. Cambridge can usually be bought locally or slim & save online. It's tough, lots of people disagree but it does work quickly. If it's that important to you to be slimmer this is the quickest way to do it.

I know exactly how you feel, yes you could get glammed up, your friends and family love you whatever your size etc but if you're bigger than you want to be that doesn't make you feel better.

Personally I don't think a size 18 is so big but it's how you feel.

Good luck if you decide to try and lose weight!

D0oinMeCleanin · 14/04/2013 00:39

My PT is expecting me to loose 3 stone in 12 weeks, so you could make a massive dent in the 3 stone in 6 weeks, but it won't be easy.

He has us eating fresh, lower carb, no processed foods, no white carbs, wholegrain carbs only and not too many bread products plus lots and lots of water, ridiculous amounts of water.

He also has me working out at a very high intensity (think 30 day shred, but harder, for an hour ) at least three times a week and extra 5 minute workouts at a very high intensity (star jumps x 20 then squats x 20 as many as you can do in 5 minutes without stopping) daily.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 14/04/2013 02:53

Thank you all.

Will reply properly tomorrow as am ready for bed after a knackering evening shift, but thank you :)

OP posts:

ApocalypseThen · 14/04/2013 09:31

Also it's your party, ban cameras if you want.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 14/04/2013 21:03

Have read the thread properly now!
My sister has been doing the fasting thing but I havent seen her in a few weeks to see the difference, she says it is very do able. I will look into that as I am the sort of person who can easily go a day without food but I find it hard to sustain calorie counting on a daily basis, I get bored easily!

I will also look at the app. I drive to work as it is just that bit too far to walk there and back (3 miles each way, not good when you are on your feet for up to 12 hours!) but when I am on shorter day shifts I think I will walk the half mile to the bus stop and take the bus there and and back. The stop is at the bottom of a very steep hill!

Thank you for your help, feeling slightly less crappy now. I was feeling a bit "I cant lose it all so no point trying to lose ANY" in a stroppy teenagerish way, which was very silly!

Will let you know how I go! :)

OP posts:

WishIdbeenatigermum · 14/04/2013 21:06

Out of field suggestion, but why don't you have a 70s party!
Maxi dress, Afro wig and platforms and you'll look great.

Themobstersknife · 14/04/2013 21:11

Keep us posted! If it helps, we can keep encouraging you along the way! The walking will definitely help. Also, conscious eating - chewing every mouthful 20 times and putting your knife and fork down between mouthfuls - is really effective.

Original poster

Bogeyface · 14/04/2013 21:59

Maxi dress and platforms I will look like Mama Cass :o

But worth bearing in mind if the diet pear shaped.........see what I did there?! :o

OP posts:

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