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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

totally giving up trying to brush my 2-year old DD's teeth?

93 replies

quesadilla · 13/04/2013 20:10

(sorry, I know this is stretching the definition of an AIBU but I posted in parenting and got one very unhelpful reply). Two year old has developed a recent phobia about tooth-brushing. For nearly three weeks I literally haven't been able to get a toothbrush in her mouth (she screams blue murder and clamps her mouth shut) and I'm getting quite worried about decay. (Yeah I know they will all fall out later but I don't want her to have decayed teeth at seven). The only poster who has responded to this so far just said I have to force her to do it but I can't actually get her to open her mouth so that wasn't particularly helpful. She hasn't responded to various alternatives including me brushing my teeth in front of her, various bits of bribery etc. Any suggestions? Am at my wits' end....

OP posts:

GlitterySkulls · 14/04/2013 13:11

it's not the mint toothpaste for my DS either, he loves mint, & will also happily suck it out the tube.

doesn't make a difference which toothbrush we use, singing songs etc, he just will not allow his teeth to be brushed.

i'd rather wrap him in a towel & "force" him than him having to get all his teeth ripped out because they're all rotten.

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 13:47

DO NOT DO IT. I think I literally would have wanted to kill you if you had tried to force me!!!!

Since a child that age can't kill you I would say 'you will thank me when you are older'-which I can assure you they will. Better to force the tooth cleaning than to have to have fillings or removal.

bumbleymummy · 14/04/2013 13:58

We've never used fluoride toothpaste for our boys. (7 and 4) They've just been to the dentist and have no cavities. If they object to toothpaste then just water is not the end of the world and won't doom them to a mouthful of cavities!

MrsMorton · 14/04/2013 14:07

bumbley research overwhelmingly shows that Fluoride is excellent at preventing cavities and given that dental extractions is in the top five reasons for children to have general anaesthetics, I would still say that every child should have toothpaste with Fluoride in. Well done for no cavities in your two boys.

bumbleymummy · 14/04/2013 14:09

Didn't say it doesn't - just pointing out that if you can't get them to use toothpaste then it doesn't necessarily mean they'll get cavities.

littleducks · 14/04/2013 14:16

We have a wonderful dentist who is fab with children. My dd has perfect teeth. Ds had to have a filling at four (I actually had to book him an emergency appointment as it was hurting ). He was brave and the dentist did it very slowly and gently but it was still heartbreaking to watch. I definitely think that anybody saying you shouldn't force it is very very wrong. It is far worse watching your child cry over a filling.

foreverondiet · 14/04/2013 14:21

DS2 was impossible - we said to him - you have to brush your teeth, you can either do it the good way or the bad way. You can choose.

The good way is when he opens his mouth and we brush. The bad way involved him being held down and his mouth open and me forcibly brushing.

After about 2 episodes of the "the bad way" he realised it was non negotiable and opened his mouth nicely.

YABU to give up!

MrsMorton · 14/04/2013 14:21

I had to take out a tooth (at an OOOH clinic) on a five year old. Her parents cried as I did it... littleducks sympathy to you.

MrsMorton · 14/04/2013 14:21

OOH, not OOOH. I wonder what would be done at an OOOH clinic. Yoni massage probs...

Booboostoo · 14/04/2013 15:27

I am really surprised at the number of people forcing their children. I would be worried it would cause future problems with both brushing and dentists.

I would never force my dogs this way so I would try to find a positive reinforcement route around this problem with children as well.

Make a special trip to buy a toothbrush your DD choses.

Try different toothpastes to find one whose flavour she likes more, but if need be start without the toothpaste.

Give her control of the toothbrush.

Shape the behaviour, i.e. reward small steps towards the behaviour and don't expect to get a full tooth brush at first. So at first see if she will open her mouth while holding the toothbrush and reward her when she does (you do not have to reward her with sweets, stickers are usually good motivators but if they don't work find something that does). Then progress to getting her to touch her teeth with the toothbrush and so on. Expect the process to take a few weeks.

I managed to get DD to take 3 months worth of large doses of medicine twice a day with these kinds of methods so it can work - good luck!

conorsrockers · 14/04/2013 16:01

I'm a bit at everyone's 'cruel parents' and 'poor kids' judgements because they are making sure their teeth are brushed. Not everything in life can be fixed with a sing song and a story, sometimes they need to be taught to 'get on with it'. What on earth did our parents do, before there were flavoured toothpaste and special toothbrushes?
I certainly held my kids down when they were younger to get their teeth brushed, not many times as they got the message. I'd sit them on my lap, hold one arm and then put the other arm under mine so they couldn't move, little tickle, and get that toothbrush in - and if they are screaming then yes, as twofingers says, take advantage of it and get it over and done with. Then move on. It's just brushing their teeth - the more of a song and dance you make of it, the more they'll play on it. Wow, I'm gob smacked tbh.

hazeyjane · 14/04/2013 16:02

Booboostoo, I'm sure that most of us who end up having to force it, end up doing it as a last resort, when all else fails! None of the things you mentioned would work with ds, what does work is getting on with it, and giving him lots of cuddles afterwards.

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 16:06

That is all very well if your 1,2,3,and 4 work, booboo. I said earlier try cunning and bribery first- if not it is their choice,they can co operate or not but teeth will be brushed. It isn't as if you keep forcing, once they realise it is non negotiable they get on with it.
I would be furious with my mother if she let me have bad teeth and her wet excuse was 'you didn't like it'! She was the adult and knew better than a 2year old.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/04/2013 16:16

I think you are right, exoticfruits - it really does matter, because if the baby teeth get decayed, this can cause discolouration of the adult teeth.

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 16:29

My DSs went to an orthodontist and he was very definite- he didn't care how it was achieved but teeth had to be cleaned, properly and regularly.
We never had a problem- we started before they really needed it and it was just part of the routine. I think routines are great- if you always stick to it you can just look mildly surprised and say ' but we always clean teeth- it isn't a choice'.

Rhiana1979 · 14/04/2013 16:33

We got my DD a toothbrush for mommy to use and a toothbrush for DD to use. Mommy does her bit and DD gets to play with her toothbrush when I'm done.

I am worried because she's only 16 months and yet she's got some Bryan stains near the gum line despite brushing.

Rhiana1979 · 14/04/2013 16:36

Brown not Bryan. No idea what Bryan stains are

superbagpuss · 14/04/2013 16:46

loving all the ideas, especially those for new songs. I currently do brush brush brush, to tune of dig dig dig by the seven dwarfs and this is the way we brush our teeth, to tune of here we go round the mulberry bush. they also have tooth brushes with heads they can take off and two minute sand timers from the dentist. normally works for them to brush their own teeth. dh refuses to sing to them though

ClaimedByMe · 14/04/2013 17:12

My dd loved the Barney the dinosaur song,

DS needed the headlock, even Barney couldnt persuade him to brush!

slatternlymother · 14/04/2013 17:43

If the songs/distraction don't work, I would (and have) force it tbh. It's one of 'those' non negotiables isn't it? If DS cried, I just used to make light of it and compliment him on how lovely it was he was opening his mouth nice and wide, and how thoughtful he was

Catonkey · 14/04/2013 18:37

DD (20m) and I do each other's she loves rattling my toothbrush againsty teeth and lets me do hers more willingly other days, not so much and it's a battle of wills.

not very helpful I know

catkind · 14/04/2013 18:59

I'm usually all for child led and gentle parenting, but forcing a child to have their teeth brushed is necessary, not cruel. Just like you force them into carseat, and don't let them walk on their own by a busy road, and give them medicine if they need it.

We had to force it for a while with DS when all the tricks in the book didn't work. I'd sit him on my knee facing away, one arm round holding his arms, other hand for brushing. Generally if we waited long enough he'd open his mouth to protest and we were in. On worst days it took some toothbrush poking. Sounds worse than it is.
Tricks that worked before and after - doing silly fake opera singing with wide open mouths, looking for crocodiles, asking to see his tongue, "I think you have an elephant in your mouth - no? are you sure? I think we'd better check..."
He's great now at 3, will have a good brush himself and let us finish off. So I don't think we've traumatised him for life

exoticfruits · 14/04/2013 19:17

A 2 year old isn't equal to an adult. You have years of experience. As catkind says-there are lots of situations where they have to do what they don't like. Mine have come through without being traumatised by a wicked mother who made them take nasty medicine etc.

AllDirections · 14/04/2013 20:09

I can't believe that any parent wouldn't force the issue if all else failed. Dental treatment is not nice. DD2 has a lot of problems with her teeth (not due to dental hygiene) and taking her to have teeth taken out is on my list of 'worst parenting experiences I've had to endure'.

I had to hold her down to brush her teeth a few times when she was a toddler and I'm so glad I did because her dental problems could have been so much worse than they are if she hadn't brushed her teeth regularly.

FirstVix · 14/04/2013 20:32

I think this age is the hardest as their gums are so often sensitive due to lots of teeth moving/coming up.

What's helped with 23mo DD recently was giving her a cup of cold water and letting her sip and spit between each 'section'. She was also telling us she didn't like it (the taste) and was doing the clamped mouth thing. It went from that to happily opening her mouth overnight!

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