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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 2 weeks is to soon to introduce someone new to your kids

66 replies

cuteboots · 12/04/2013 12:22

Ok so Ive fallen out with my friend as shes met this new man on the internet and introduced him to her kids. Is this too soon or am i just being a bit silly. Anyway I voiced my opinion and now she wont talk to me...

OP posts:
Finola1step · 12/04/2013 12:28

No YANBU. Way too soon. But.. Why is she no longer talking to you? Did she ask for your opinion?

Shoesme · 12/04/2013 12:28

This is one of my bug bears too, I honestly don't get why parents just can't wait until they introduce the new partner to the children. What happened to getting to know someone properly before you invite them into your life.

willyoulistentome · 12/04/2013 12:31

YANBU. Its Waaaay to soon

yaimee · 12/04/2013 12:31

I think it's too soon but I suppose it'd depend on the circumstances, if they'd met in passing and weren't aware of who he was (just though he was a friend or something) then it wouldn't be too bad.
Unless I was asked I wouldn't think it was my place to say. She isn't endangering her children or anything!

Sidge · 12/04/2013 12:34

Introduced how?

As in, he came to pick her up for a date and as he was at the door she introduced her children to him e.g. "this is Pete, we're off out for dinner"?

Or "Meet Pete, my new boyfriend who is staying over tonight"?

Big difference.

Original poster
cuteboots · 12/04/2013 12:34

she asked for my opinion as I think that certain members of her family have also expressed concern.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/04/2013 12:34

suppose it depends exactly how he has been introduced..

if you met a new friend, regardless of gender, would you hold back from introducing your children to them? it would be too soon to say "hey kids, this is your new stepdad!", so it is all in the context of how it was done really...

IYoniWantToBeWithYou · 12/04/2013 12:34

It would depend how they were introduced, as a friend, or as a partner, and also if it was a passing meeting or if he is now hanging about the house all the time.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/04/2013 12:35

I think you should mind your own business. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but its her life, her kids, her choice.

CloudsAndTrees · 12/04/2013 12:35

Way too soon, and very selfish.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/04/2013 12:36

Xposts.

If she asked for your opinion then she is BU.

livinginwonderland · 12/04/2013 12:37

met in what way? met as in "this joe, a friend of mine" or "this is joe, he's my new partner". there's a difference. the former is absolutely fine, but the latter is wrong so early on. you need to be secure in your relationship (i'd say 3-4 months in is acceptable) before you start introducing children from past relationships into the equation.

MsBella · 12/04/2013 12:38

In some ways I am not sure about this any more..
I mean it would be fine to introduce a new friend to dcs that you'd only met a couple of weeks ago
I'm starting to think that as long as you're not saying 'meet your new daddy' every few weeks then its fine! I can't see a bad effect it could have, mummy is allowed boyfriends

MsBella · 12/04/2013 12:40

Forgot to add - as long as the man isn't changing things a lot for the kids, as long as their lifestyle doesn't keep changing because of boyfriends and also definitely not moving into the home or anything like that after a short time

GoingUpInTheWorld · 12/04/2013 12:41

I think its far too soon.

I think the reason people introduce new partners to their kids so early on as if you don't have anyone who will mind your kids regularly then that means your new partner cant come to the house, or as a single mum you may not be able to afford to keep going out so its easier for them if their new partner can come to the house

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2013 12:43

Two weeks! And she met him on the Internet... She sounds a bit desperate for it to work, hope she doesn't get burned.

Original poster
cuteboots · 12/04/2013 12:43

I just think that yes she can have boyfriends but surely she can see them for a bit away from the kids?. Just my opinon but there you go.

OP posts:
MsBella · 12/04/2013 12:45

I'm wondering what negetive effects people think it could have on dcs?

IceBergJam · 12/04/2013 12:45

I went bowling with my DH and his two boys after a few weeks. I'm their stepmum now, and they have a half sister. We are a happy family.

TobyLerone · 12/04/2013 12:50

Absolutely none of your business!

It sounds like you're doing your friend a favour by backing off from her, if you can't keep your judgmental opinions to yourself.

FreudiansSlipper · 12/04/2013 12:54

why does she want to

agree if he is picking her up and she just introduces him as this is Dave we are going out for dinner fine

but all going out together what is the rush if it is meant to be it will happen in time

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/04/2013 12:54

How easy is that though? Does she have a lot of free time and money?

Its incredibly difficult for single mums to form new relationships.

FreudiansSlipper · 12/04/2013 12:57

I am a single mum

you have to make it work for yourself before you get your children involved it also smacks of desperation to want new partner to get involved with your children so soon

diaimchlo · 12/04/2013 12:58

If the OP was asked for her opinion by her friend, then her friend made it her business IMHO....

YANBU at all it is way too soon, especially with an internet relationship, it does affect the children. My ExH did the same thing to our children and in the process lost his relationship with them. They all made their own mind up as to how they felt.....

Original poster
cuteboots · 12/04/2013 12:59

tobylerone- Please read the whole thread first before adding comments like this ! She asked me for an opinion .

OP posts: