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Helping DP paying off old debt

143 replies

KittenCamile · 10/04/2013 19:58


I found out last year that DP owes £30,000 to his parents. The loan was taken against his house.

This loan was taken when he was married, he has since devoirced and kept the house (which was his and in his name) and got all of the debt.

So his parents are now talking about starting payments again (they stopped when he split with his ex as he couldn't afford the morgage, rent on a flat for him. Matinance and that).

We have been together 2 yrs and lived together 1. DP has no money, his expenditures meet his income, because of this I am the one currently saving so we can start ttc, I pay for food ect. THis I don't mind as I veiw it as a House hold income and when we have DC's that's how it should be. He sold the house but it made no money so none of the debt was paid off.

So my question is, AIBU to want to know who's debt it is (DP EXW was decleared banKrupt before they married) and what is was for?

Iam going to be the one paying it back as DP can't afford any extra outgoings. To me this is just an unbeliveble amount of money and I feel sick just thinking about it.

Will it make it worse if I actually end up paying for the big wedding the couldn't afford or the child they couldn't afford?

I don't see any other way, if his parents want the money back and he has none it is going to fall to me

Sorry about spelling, I'm dyslexic and on my phone (not that spell check helps as all the words look the same to me!)

OP posts:

MandragoraWurzelstock · 10/04/2013 20:00

yes you have a right to know. Has he not been willing to give you this information?


KittenCamile · 10/04/2013 20:03

I haven't asked properly but he has been very vauge when I have brought it up. I think some of it might be his EXW's and he is worried I might get upset by that

OP posts:

OneHandFlapping · 10/04/2013 20:04

You would be mad to pay your dp's debt. If your relationship goes tits up, you won't see a penny of it again. You'd be better off paying some of the mortgage, assuming there is one, as at least you will be making an investment in the house.

It's irrelevant whose the debt was. It was a debt of his previous marriage, and he still has the house - an asset of the previous marriage. I assume that was the deal when they divorced.

Personally I wouldn't try and conceive another child with a man who patently can't afford it either.


MandragoraWurzelstock · 10/04/2013 20:07

I agree with One - you're taking the place of his parents, he's never going to grow up at this rate.

He should be paying off his own debts. Until he is debt free then I'd keep separate finances.


Squitten · 10/04/2013 20:08

I don't understand why it falls to you. If his parents want money from him that he doesn't have, then he needs to sort that out with them. What's it got to do with you, you aren't married so they have no claim to your money?!

I think you would be foolish to pay off his debts and very foolish to have a child when your finances are precarious


TidyDancer · 10/04/2013 20:08

I'm not sure I would want to take on the £30k debt of someone who I wasn't married to or had children with. Either way though, if you regard it as a joint debt and you are expected to contribute to paying it off, then of course you have a right to know what it was for.

Tbh, I think you need to think carefully about the financial balance in this relationship.


KittenCamile · 10/04/2013 20:08

He sold the house, it was too far away from where we need to live.

I can afford a DC on my own and Have very surportive faamily

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 10/04/2013 20:10

WHY on EARTH are you considering having a child with this utter loser?

Don't do it! £30K? And he's cocklodging at yours for free? WTF?

You're better off on your own and getting a sperm donor, at least it doesn't come with £30k worth of debt.


expatinscotland · 10/04/2013 20:11

He can't even afford the child he's already got and is considering having another? It's too bad there's no legal way to stop such people from procreating with every 'partner' they get with.


jelliebelly · 10/04/2013 20:15

Why would you even consider paying his debt??


jelliebelly · 10/04/2013 20:18

If it was secured against the house and when it was sold there was no surplus surely the debt should be written off - that's what a bank would do in the same situation! Irrelevant what it was for really.


CookieLady · 10/04/2013 20:18

Don't take on his debt. It's his responsibility not yours. What if things go wrong in your relationship? Don't do it.


MandragoraWurzelstock · 10/04/2013 20:20

he has really got it made hasn't he

OP I am sorry to sound cynical

he might be the nicest bloke on earth but this is all wrong.


MandragoraWurzelstock · 10/04/2013 20:21

what's he said to his folks? I can't afford it but Kitten will pay it back.

seriously? What do you get out of this?


CabbageLeaves · 10/04/2013 20:23

I love my partner. No way on earth would I let them take on my debt like that???

It's not about your's about why he doesn't see it's a problem!


ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 10/04/2013 20:23

I really wouldn't pay his debt.

It would be extremely unreasonable of his parents to expect that of you.

If he can't even be honest with you about what the debt is, then why the hell should you pay it?


mumofweeboys · 10/04/2013 20:24

I think Im being a bit dim. A loan was took out on dp's house so how does he owe his parents the money?


meditrina · 10/04/2013 20:24

So he sold the former marital house - did the sale clear the mortgage? Are there debts other than that to his parents?

Where does he live now? Is it on a mortgage or rented? Are you joint owner/mortgage holder or is your name on the lease? Or do you live separately?

Unless you are married, or have your name on the title to property, you could be left high and dry. It sounds as if you might be in a fairly exposed position already if you are cohabiting. Do not make this worse by remaining in ignorance of his wider financial affairs.


CloudsAndTrees · 10/04/2013 20:25

If he secured the debt against his house, then his parents should have been on the list of creditors for when the house was sold.

If they didn't cover themselves properly when they made the loan, I have no sympathy for their position at all. Saying that though, if your DH has been vague about it when you have tried to bring it up, are you sure you know that that really was the arrangement?

Either way, if your DP can't afford to pay his debts, then he shouldn't be taking extra responsibility by having a child. It is irrelevant whether you can afford the child on your own, you cannot create the child on your own so he has to have responsibility for it too.


travailtotravel · 10/04/2013 20:27

Another one saying PLEASE don't pay this persons debt. If you stay with him, separate finances and protect your assets.


QueenCuntyChops · 10/04/2013 20:29

It sounds liek they are all fleecing you.

I'd have nothing to do with it.


Xales · 10/04/2013 20:32

You have been together 2 years and living together 1. You are not married. This debt was run up between him and his ex wife.

What happens if you pay back £15k then split up? That is your money, you will never see again that he spent historically with another person.

He cannot afford to pay towards a child with you or a 50/50 split of bills if you are paying all the food etc.

What is his income and his expenditure?

You are crazy to even think of paying this for him.


LIZS · 10/04/2013 20:33

so why didn't he clear the debt when he sold the house ? If the loan were with anyone else he'd have had to or face legal action. Presumbaly he got the house/debt as part of his divorce settlement so he is liable. Sounds like he may have been living beyond his means for a long time , at his parents and now your expense. Unless he is prepared to review the household budget with you, address this and make a commitment to pay them back then the relationship does not sound hopeful.


Viviennemary · 10/04/2013 20:40

It is not your debt and was incurred before you even met your DP so in no way should you make yourself responsible for paying it off. If you are buying a house together or plan to buy one in the future then fair enough a joint mortgage for a jointly owned house. The debt is between your DP and his parents and nothing to do with you.


whattodoo · 10/04/2013 20:46

What was the original loan value? Has he paid any of it off?

How will you survive financially if you take maternity leave?

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