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AIBU to think I can touch my DP?

64 replies

TinyDancingGirl · 08/04/2013 21:15

DP and I have been together for 4 years. We like to be touching, even sitting side by side eating, I'll put a foot next to his under the table and we always hold hands.

Some of our friends say things like, 'you're going to run away you can stop holding hands now.' or 'Awwww isn't that sweet?' in a way that says they really don't think so. Are we the only ones who do this?

AIBU? What is appropriate affectionate behaviour between a couple in public?

OP posts:

ShesAStar · 08/04/2013 21:16

To touch is fine, to canoodle is not (in public)


Fairypants · 08/04/2013 21:19

My friends are also shocked at things like kissing when we say goodbye or a brief stroke (on non genital areas) as we go past each other.
We've been married 15 years so I can blow raspberries at people who winge :)


RatPants · 08/04/2013 21:22

We are very very touchy feely in private but not so much in public. We have separated friends, single friends, friends who have been together years and years and years and do the separate bedroom thing. Canoodling doesn't really seem appropriate in our friendship group, kind of like it'd be rubbing people's faces in our happiness. If we're out alone we indulge a little bit though. Grin


Maggie111 · 08/04/2013 21:27

I am touchy feely in public sometimes. Normally, if I am with family I don't mind us sitting next to each other arms around each other. I do try and be less cuddly in front of friends though.

If we're on our own I cuddle as much as I like. But not public snogging/canoodling though!


AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 21:32

Agree with the others saying it's different in public than it is in private, when it's in public it looks a bit possessive, kind of 'he/she's mine'.

That probably isn't your intention at all, but it does look a little insecure.


ThreeWheelsGood · 08/04/2013 21:34

YABU, it's not the norm to be so touchy feely in public. It seems a bit try hard.


kinkyfuckery · 08/04/2013 21:36

If it's natural, and not forced for the two of you, ignore what anyone else says or thinks about it.


StrawberrytallCAKE · 08/04/2013 21:37

Yeah, being affectionate with your husband is sooooo try hard Hmm

Sounds like you make a lovely couple to me.


Allthingspretty · 08/04/2013 21:39

Oh op life is too short to worry. Enjoy being in love.


rustybusty · 08/04/2013 21:42

Dont listen to them. We are the same its just what comes naturally.Cause its not try hard to be touchy feely with your own husband. Hmm


EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/04/2013 21:47

my bil/sil are like this

it feels quite excluding iyswim - like everyone else in the room is a side thought

their need to always be touching means other people (including the kids!) have to move over or sit on the floor etc etc

one meal they alternated courses sitting on each others laps - DH made a quip about our dining chairs being made for one and thy were most offended!

Don't know if you're as bad as them but it isn't very easy to have a group conversation when 2 people are staring at each other/snogging etc!!


livinginwonderland · 08/04/2013 21:49

how is try-hard?! Hmm

my partner and i hold hands walking around, and if we're standing/sitting near each other, he'll put his arm around me or i'll have my hand on his leg. it's natural to us. other people say it's sweet.


AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 21:50

There's a difference between being affectionate sitting with an arm draped over your DPs shoulder or holding hands, and a couple mauling each other.

That can make the other people there a bit uncomfortable when they're doing stuff that's normally done in private.


rustybusty · 08/04/2013 21:53

agent the op is talking about putting her foot on his, and holding hands which is all totally normal behaviour.


mrsjay · 08/04/2013 21:55

I have been with my husband 20 odd years we still hold hand no public snogging or owt Grinbut holding hands or sitting beside somebody touch them is normal imo


AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 21:56

It does look like it rusty, but if people are saying stuff, then how far over the border has the OP strayed into making people feel uncomfortable?

Nobody would comment on putting their feet on each other (how would they know if it's under the table?) or holding hands, because it's not anything out of the ordinary.


mrsjay · 08/04/2013 21:57

everbody your inlaws are just bonkers by the sound of it


AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 21:58

No heavy petting when you go swimming then mrsj? Grin

Just bombing the deep end


Startail · 08/04/2013 21:58

After 25 years DH and I still hold hands and do odd affectionate gestures in public. Full blown snogging we save for winding up DD2, she's 12 and does embarrassed as only a preteen can.


Mumsyblouse · 08/04/2013 21:58

It depends on the situation, if you are holding hands in the street and you bump into your friend, fair enough, but if you are sitting in the pub and have deliberately gone out with friends, or are at a social gathering, I think it's quite rude to hold hands and constantly stay in physical contact, as well as difficult for the other people to respond to, because you are not prepared to strike out as individuals. I am extremely tactile with my DH at home and out for dinner by ourselves, but I tone it down a lot around friends, and if with a single friend, would never start holding hands/gazing/playing footsie, of course it makes them feel uncomfortable.

As for the sitting on laps during dinner, I have a friend who used to do this, how on earth can you have a conversation with a person sitting on another's lap. Incredibly insecure to have to literally sit on top of your partner when in a social situation.


EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/04/2013 22:01

they are indeed! We once saw them on the street (we were on a bus) and she was feeding him.

but agree with mumsyblouse


HesterShaw · 08/04/2013 22:01

"Try hard"????

Good grief, they are husband and wife!

My DH and I hold hands when we're walking and cuddle up on the sofa etc. Yes, even at other people's houses.


livinginwonderland · 08/04/2013 22:02

i'm sorry, but since when does holding hands make people feel uncomfortable?


BertieBotts · 08/04/2013 22:06

I think it sounds sweet :)

Better than a couple I met once who would, literally, start full on snogging and groping each other whenever someone didn't talk to one of them for longer than about 30 seconds. It was really bizarre. Confused Apparently they were quite well known for being late for everything (because they were held up having sex Hmm) or just disappearing not-so-discreetly to have sex at random times. Confused


BertieBotts · 08/04/2013 22:07

And they referred to themselves as a version of both of their names hashed together. Boak.

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