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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I can touch my DP?

64 replies

TinyDancingGirl · 08/04/2013 21:15

DP and I have been together for 4 years. We like to be touching, even sitting side by side eating, I'll put a foot next to his under the table and we always hold hands.

Some of our friends say things like, 'you're going to run away you can stop holding hands now.' or 'Awwww isn't that sweet?' in a way that says they really don't think so. Are we the only ones who do this?

AIBU? What is appropriate affectionate behaviour between a couple in public?

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 08/04/2013 22:08

A quick touch on the shoulder, a glance of affection, going to get your spouse a glass of wine, footsie under the table (not visible to others), helping put your coat on, all lovely kind marital gestures.

Sitting at a party holding hands, when every other person is not holding hands = trying too hard and lacking in individuality as a couple. You have 12 hours a night to hold hand/bond/be physically close, do it then!

LessMissAbs · 08/04/2013 22:11

Its a bit insecure I think. You touch each other while you're eating?

Please don't be one of those couples who spread over the entire pavement, conjoined at the hand, so no-one else can get past. Please!

EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/04/2013 22:13

i remember walking down a narrow pavement and a couple holding hands were coming towards me. we came to an impasse as they wouldn't let go and i couldn't get past. they expected me to walk past them in the road. Eventually they managed to figure out that they could still hold hands and walk single file but it was very amusing!

HesterShaw · 08/04/2013 22:16

Ah, they were probably a new couple!

AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 22:17

You can't help but think they might be getting off on other people being able to see Bertie, which is another aspect to it, that I wouldn't be comfortable with being 'included' like that (if that doesn't sound too weird ).

BertieBotts · 08/04/2013 22:28

Oh god. The bloke was so irritating as well. I almost started a thread about him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2013 22:31

Cuddling up and holding hands is fine.

BUT - it is really annoying when a couple will only sit next to each other (yes DB and SIL I'm looking at you) and are continuously holding each other's arm/leg or whatever. Really annoying.

EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/04/2013 22:34

My IL's sign off texts from both of them. they haven't graduated to a joint email address yet but i'm sure it is just a matter of time

I know a couple who did this and would sign off all emails from both of them - it was really unnerving because you could never actually be sure who you were conversing with.

Sorry - I clearly know some very odd couples and am projecting this onto you OP - I'm sure you aren't that bad!

AgentZigzag · 08/04/2013 22:42

Is that inappropriate Everybodys?

If I was emailing family I would sign off from all of us if it was a general 'we've done this and that' email, not if the emails became more regular and conversational, but it's like signing a card from everyone.

I wouldn't do it with friends, and definitely not on texts but the text thing could just be down to them not knowing text etiquette?

EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/04/2013 23:03

Maybe

It's fine to do it in the circumstances you suggest but when you are having more of a conversation (along the lines of asking after a holiday) it would be nice to know who you are hearing from!

QOD · 08/04/2013 23:16

Makes me feel like its a bit, try hard, bit insecure and just a bit nauseating

Jan49 · 08/04/2013 23:43

I know a couple who share an email address. The email address is his name, the emails I get are clearly written by her (she writes things like Husbandsname and I) but the email ends with both names. When my ex and I split up they told me they knew our relationship wouldn't last because unlike them we didn't always do everything together.

Sorry OP but I think it looks really childish when couples constantly hold hands and I'd feel uncomfortable if I was out with friends and a couple did that. It makes you look kind of dependent and like you are treating this as a romantic moment even if it's inappropriate. Unless it's your wedding.

CloudsAndTrees · 09/04/2013 00:05

I don't think there's anything wrong with couples wanting to touch each other at appropriate times when in company. When a group of people are all sitting down together, what difference does it make if two of them are holding hands or whatever?

I'm surprised so many people are offended by their friends and family showing affection to their partners.

DoJo · 09/04/2013 00:06

I suppose it depends whether it's comes about as a natural result of the way you are positioned, or whether you are engineering things to be able to be together - the former is probably unnoticeable, but the latter can be frustrating and a bit much when you are with other people. I would guess that the fact it has been commented upon suggests you are not quite as subtle as you think you are, but only you know whether your friends are the types to look for offence in perfectly innocent situations.

Morloth · 09/04/2013 00:42

DH and I have been together for a very long time now.

We still hold hands if walking along, still sit next to each other if there is the option. I will sit on his lap if there are no other seats etc.

He is nice, I like to be with him. People can think whatever they like, is no skin off my nose.

MrsLouisTheroux · 09/04/2013 08:13

Holding hands whilst walking down a street, a quick hug, arm round shoulder is fine but playing footsie at a dinner table, sitting on laps, constant hand on knee, arm, shoulder is irritating for anyone else.

We had a couple of friends who did this and the rest of us teased them mercilessly. We weren't couples but one time we all paired up and 'snuggled' and petted each other all night. Our friends looked quite confused as THEY were the 'couple' . By joining forces physically, they made themselves stand out from the crowd. As we were all at it, they blended into the background and funnily enough, we saw very little canoodling that night.
I think some people feel stronger when joined at the hip with their partner. It's a sign of insecurity, is exclusive and rude because it doesn't take account of others in the room.

Jestrin · 09/04/2013 08:19

My husband always holds my hand and we have a kiss when out but not a full on snog as that might be inappropriate IMHO.

The other week, a complete stranger came up to us and said that she thought it was lovely to see a married couple holding hands.

shellbu · 09/04/2013 08:38

id much rather see a couple who hugged and kissed ,than an arguing couple who shout and swear and cause a scene , that makes me cringe .

Panzee · 09/04/2013 08:48

Just don't put your hands in each other's back pockets. That's weird. :o

Binkyridesagain · 09/04/2013 08:58

Please don't ever do what my SIL and her now ExP used to do in front of anybody, it was never out in public though (as far as I'm aware)

He would snuggle up behind her, then stick his hands down the front of her knickers, ferret around for a bit then take his hand out and have a sniff, comment and have another go. She never refused him entry or told him to get off. It was vile.

TumbleWeeds · 09/04/2013 08:58

I am a bit at the fact some people think holding hands or a hand on the knee is 'too much'.

If that means that the 2 persons can NOT be wo being next to each other or touching each other, yes I can see how other people can end up feeling excluded.
But holding hands whilst talking to others? Putting a hand on your partner knee from time to time? What's wrong with that?

Fairydogmother · 09/04/2013 09:00

My fiancé and I regularly hold hands, sit close with an arm round etc.

But nobody needs to see full on snogging and constant pawing at each other! The OP doesn't sound like she's doing that tho.

Have to say that I used to rib my friend who always said 'love you' to her husband. But then I realised I was in a loveless marriage and left. Now we always say that to each other and I couldn't be happier. I think people are sometimes jealous when they see people who are clearly v happy together.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 09/04/2013 09:02

Touching fine, lovely in fact

snogging, or repeated noisy pecks. AAAAArgh

i sat behind a couple on the bus the other say - she kept doing noisy squelchy kisses on his neck. Gives me rage in a way I don't quite understand.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 09/04/2013 09:04

It's not necessarily too much, but it is a bit odd. Couples living together get loads of private time to have non-stop touching sessions in.

If you are out with friends/family it's polite to seem more engaged with them than your OH, imo.

HotSoupDumpling · 09/04/2013 09:06

What MrsTheroux said.

I know a couple who wrap themselves round each other on the sofa when they come for dinner. Knee stroking, kissing, etc. Not appropriate in someone else's house, unless you are 18 and don't know any better!

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