Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's the difference between

12 replies

DuffyDuck · 08/04/2013 00:06

... "having a moan" and having a conversation with your DP about stuff that makes you unhappy in order to see if a solution can be found?

Two different things or is "moaning" just another way of putting it?

been told I moan and whinge and whine

OP posts:
porridgewithblueberries · 08/04/2013 00:07

I suppose how often it's done?

YouTheCat · 08/04/2013 00:08

I think it has a lot to do with tone of voice.

MsVestibule · 08/04/2013 00:14

Accusing you of moaning is more likely to shut you up. It saves him having to accept that you may have a point and actually having a discussion. Same with accusing somebody of nagging.

It's low level controlling behaviour - none of us like to think we're moaning nags, so are more likely to let things lie if we're accused of being one. Ergo, the DP accusing you of this gets their his way.

KC225 · 08/04/2013 00:16

Easy. 'Having a moan' is you insisting your husband participates in a conversation
he is not interested in.

       'Having a conversation'  is a verbal exchange he is happy to participate in
littletingoddess · 08/04/2013 00:17

I would also consider whether or not the person is suggesting solutions instead of just pointing out problems. More suggestions of solutions would make me less likely to say the person is simply moaning.

Original poster
DuffyDuck · 08/04/2013 00:27

Thanks for the replies! Very interesting.

I'm not very good with solutions when "moaning" - I normally want to share my feelings (in general or about something) because I haven't been able to find a solution..

OP posts:
littletingoddess · 08/04/2013 00:37

In those instances, if I had no solution I would say I'm going to try to think of one. I suppose the tone of voice would, indeed, have an effect. Grin

Original poster
DuffyDuck · 08/04/2013 00:44

tone of voice ....well, I usually start off with a long, drawn-out sigh right from the bottom of my heavy heart...Wink

OP posts:
littletingoddess · 08/04/2013 00:51

I don't count sighs... They're a good form of stress relief when I'm looking at the mountain of dirty washing that needs sorting thinking of what needs doing. Grin

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 08/04/2013 00:55

I would be talking because I was wanting to see if they (the man) could come up with a solution where I had failed.

Or if we could jointly come up with a solution.

It's not moaning. It's a way of a man trying to close down the subject you are trying to talk about, when they say you are moaning / nagging / whining.

I find it very controlling, and respond in a deliberately calm non moany voice that I'm not moaning, I am talking, and that they cannot shut down this conversation by saying I'm moaning when I'm using a normal tone of voice...

(Doesn't take shit lightly any more...)

Original poster
DuffyDuck · 08/04/2013 01:11

Yes couthy, that's exactly what I try to do - see if he can think of a solution or both of us together! The response I get mostly is that either nothing can be done at all, or if I cannot propose a solution, I have no right to complain.
Now I'm moaning about not being allowed to moan! Gah.

OP posts:
Eebahgum · 08/04/2013 05:48

I think it's probably like the difference between 'nagging' and repeatedly reminding your dp to do a particular job that he keeps saying he'll do but doesn't.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page