To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

usual you seem like you have a massive chip on your shoulder. I can't see where anyone has said those things to you. This is a thread about how some people dislike wandering, loud children who have parents that don't make an effort to curb the behaviour. It isn't all about you nor 'bad parents' nor 'smug parents'.

Usual ds was described as having extreme challenging behaviour in addition to the autism, the learning difficulties and the other labels on top. The professionals description of him made me cry. I have worked damn hard to alter his behaviour and tbh I don't think it's too much to ask that other parents actually parent their own children tbh.
IME it isn't the parents of children with SN who allow their children to roam probably because they are too fearful of the consequences but some parents believe that others will find their children as endearing and as entertaining as they do unfortunately they don't.

I don't think usual has a chip on her shoulder, I think she is being realistic that most of us have different expectations of children and just because you have one who sits there quietly it doesn't mean they are a nicer child than someone who wants to go to the toilet every 15 minutes. All children are very different and they have their own personalities and some do find it easier to sit than others, a lot of the time that is not down to being a better parent. I have parenting all three of mine exactly the same, they all have different limitations and I try and recognise that and sometimes they are naughty and sometimes I let things go because I want an easier life as it's difficult enough. I don't think i am better or worse a parent than anyone else, i don't think my children are better or worse behaved than other peoples children either but they are happy and full of life.

We are all here because we care about our children children. Surely that's the nature of a parenting forum?

it's so depressing to read people encouraging others to glare at the table bangers. I often can't stop DD banging unless i cut off her hands, and we get so many glares. Don't assume you "only would glare at NT kids"..lots of people don't so obviously it's not that easy to tell.

Its not about Children though, its about parents making whatever effort is needed to teach their children how to behave in situations and ensuring they are safe.

allowing children to wander around a restaurant is dangerous and surely as parents we should be protecting our children from easily avoidable dangers?

Fanjo I would never glare at a child banging on tables or anything, I may quietly wish they would stop but I wouldn't say anything or give looks specifically because you can never know.

i see i am just ignored..

Anyway, for those glarers and tutters, what usually happens is...DD is sitting quietly then bangs table/makes noise/drops food and people glare and tut.

Then when they see as DD leaves that she has obvious SN they look mortified. But damage is done to our day.

So look after your own kids and their behaviour and just tut inwardly please.

Much appreciated sirzy :)

Sorry I x-posted there when I said i was ignored.

So many people do glare. And are encouraging others to glare on here.

makes horrible reading.

If you have well behaved kids just think how lucky you are (or how fantastic a parent, whatever you want to think) and rein in the glares, everyone

:)

not ignored..already answered..no tutting here Fanjo

However if you were making like an aeroplane round the tables complete with sound effects you might get an eyebrow raise.

Do people really glare at your child, Fanjo?

Thats awful, I brought mine up to be tolerant towards other people. I would have hated them to have turned into glarers and tutters.

Some adults are just rude. My friend has a child who is peg fed and has had dirty looks and even comments when setting up his feed when out. They seem to struggle to accept that people with disabilities are allowed out of the house!

Usual..yes..we were in a cafe last year and a woman was sitting turned round towards us saying "it's the parents' fault" repeatedly because DD was making a mess with some yoghurt.

And a few weeks ago people were making comments loudly about us letting her "crash around" because she kept dropping a toy (she has poor grip)

:(

She was in play area of cafe not dropping toy at table. She also drops cutlery by mistake as she cant use it properly.

owllady, I really think you are misreading the thread, and that's a shame. No one, as far as I've seen on this thread, is expecting perfect behaviour - just a willingness on the part of parents to effectively monitor their kids and to, where necessary, remove or discipline kids in order that other people can enjoy their own experience in a restaurant.

Obviously, some kids are 'easier' than others, or more compliant, or quieter. I'm raising three kids, and they each have very different abilities and limits. But I think the point some people have been making is that it is down to the parent to understand and cope with those limits as best they can. If one toddler can sit through a meal and not misbehave, that doesn't mean that another toddler of the same age who can't do so, is somehow a 'worse' kid or the product of bad parenting. But what the parents do about it matters. A parent who asks (as one here has) why they should have to restrict their child's enjoyment for the sake of other people - well, that's not going to go over well, is it?

The majority of the posts have been about parents who don't see any need to require a certain standard of behaviour in restaurants, which is a different thing altogether from talking about how one achieves better behaviour. And by 'better behaviour', I think this thread is talking about simply not unduly disturbing others through selfishness or bad manners.

I would welcome you in my cafe, Fanjo.

We have all sorts of people with SN coming in, but I have witnessed a few tuts from some people, and one lady asked me if I was going to do anything about the noise.

I asked her to leave.

OMG Fanjo so reading that. Makes me wish you'd wear a t-shirt that says "Keep Calm and Carry on Being a Judgemental Twat" or just chin her

personally I see it is a conversation about parenting priorities.

For some, being able to take children into a variety of eating establishments knowing that they will conform to the social norms of not running round and disturbing other people, is a priority. For some not something that has crossed their minds. or perhaps has but they don't mind too much.

it is the same as all parenting decisions we make, what for some is a priority for others is insignificant.

personally I fall into the more conventional view of things most of the time yet am happy to have friendships with people who parent differently.

I am a stickler for table manners, eating with cutlery, not getting down without asking, using a napkin, waiting for everyone to finish, please and thank you's, trying a bit of everything. Extending it further, school uniform is as school prescribe without deviation, homework is always done on time (with exceptions for illness). ETC.. I feel more comfortable conforming, I feel like I need to prepare the boys for some of the drudgery and just get on with it that happens as an adult. And yes they play outside and make a noise in the garden, but no I don't let them scream and shreik for hours as I have neighbours and I wish to be considerate to them.

Smug?? no but there are times that I feel immense pride that I have had an amazing meal at a very grown up place and the boys have been able to experience it with us, purely because they know how to.

WOW I didn't expect that to be that long... eek!

Bravo usual

I really wanted to be rude but I knew it would reinforce her perception of us.

I work in customer service so am good at biting tongue :)

just to add, I am talking about children without extra needs

fanjo I would not ever like to live in a world where SN chidlren were hidden away from the world. Please keep going out and about. It is so horrid that people are unkind.

Well done usualsuspect

I would never glare or tut, I also don't judge others parenting as a rule.
I also agree that all children are different, even within the same family there can be extreme differences.
My children have pretty much on the whole behaved themselves in public. For us it wasn't hard work, but will admit to being very patient and encouraging so the message got across. We also led by example, which seemed to help our dc.
I too don't consider myself to be a good parent, you do what you seem fit and nobody has the right to judge unless you are harming your dc.

I don't tut and I don't glare, either. Although in fairness, I think some have commented on this thread that they would start to complain about unruly children because of the perception that if one doesn't complain, one doesn't mind. So that you have someone who refuses to try to control their kids, because she doesn't see the point, and who says "well, no one complained so it must be ok" - when in reality, many people are hesitant to complain because they are trying to be nice themselves.

If a situation were bad enough I felt I needed to say something, I would sooner complain to the management than tut or glare, because I think the latter is rude itself.

I really don't know why exception was taken to my happy and full of life comment, i was talking about my own children, nobody elses. Most normal peoples children are happy and full of life. It's the parents who aren't normal you have to worry about, not the ones acting a bit dopey in a brewers fayre

Fanjo, I do feel your pain. I don't think people realise how intolerant a good percentage of people are about things you can't control.