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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you for a name for daughter's bits?

301 replies

lucamom · 07/04/2013 09:11

Apologies in advance if this is inappropriate.

My two boys (6 & 4) are mildly obsessed with the fact that baby sister (1) doesn't have a dinkle. We deal with the anatomy explanations quite well I think until it comes time to 'name' her bits (appropriate to their age, but avoiding twee names like foo-foo/Twinkie etc)

I hate the 'v' word (rubbish I know-sister is a midwife who believes in using medical terms for everything!), and I think as a kid we used fanny, which I also hate.

So tell me, what do you/your daughter's call yours? Inspiration needed please.

Sorry if this is weird!

OP posts:
Spero · 07/04/2013 18:27

I have seen plenty of interviews of young children about abuse utterly derailed because of cutesy or weird names used for genitals. One child used 'bottom' for everything. Apparently her abuser had 'three bottoms'. God only knows what she meant. CPS wouldn't take it further.

I don't like 'cute' names.

Spero · 07/04/2013 18:28

The femur is the long bone in the thigh. It is NOT an equivalent of 'leg'.

Viviennemary · 07/04/2013 18:32

I dont like front bottom. It was 'down there' when I was younger. And that seemed to suffice. I don't agree with vulva and vagina coming from very small children.

OxfordBags · 07/04/2013 18:34

It's fine to have a casual term if needs be - I often say vag for brevity's sake - but why do they have to be such twee, silly names? It's very infantilising in adults. I like Gina as an abbreviation, that's a good one (although not so much for women called Gina/Geena Grin ).

People not liking the word vulva or vagina does not make it normal to do so. It just means a helluva lot of people have issues, IMO.

Oh, and everything StuntGirl says about slang

UnChartered · 07/04/2013 18:35

Spero that reads as if the CPS wouldn't pursue a case because a child didn't use the 'correct' words...

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 18:39

I agree vivian, gathering evidence from very young Chidren can be unreliable due to their age and lack of maturity not because they are not sure f t correct anatomical words.

Spero · 07/04/2013 18:39

The CPS wouldn't pursue because they didn't have enough evidence to secure a conviction.

A large part of that decision was based on child's very young age (4) and appalling interview. Yes, police interviewer was awful, but she was not helped by the very confusing terminology used by child.

I have seen this a lot. It is fine calling a stomach a 'tummy' but surely a child can also know it is called a 'stomach' ? Same for genitals.

Spero · 07/04/2013 18:42

This thread is reminding me of the science teacher in Ohio (I think) who has had parents complain because he used word 'vagina' in class.

'Down there'? Are you mad? How on earth does that enable a little girl to tell anyone if she has a sore vulva as opposed to a sore bottom?

HerrenaHarridan · 07/04/2013 18:43

Shock They came round and called you for penis, cock I could understand!

Yy to pp who pointed out that cos won't prosecute if a distressed child can't reliably explain which bits of their body were involved.

I think it's about the way you say it, I could do a YouTube link to a specific monologue from the vagina monologues but idiot phone won't let me Sad

On a lighter note I used to hang around with a very obviously gay lad who liked wearing a tshirt that said "I love clunge" I hate that word but I did make me laugh. His boyfriend hated it!

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 18:46

Oh dear it's tummy in this house there's no hoe for us

FantasticDay · 07/04/2013 18:48

Fanny. Not medical. No more twee than willy.

seriouscakeeater · 07/04/2013 18:52

poshme why is it ok then for ds to be able to use willy but dd who is two has to use vulva?

tether reminds me of the iron brew advert '' oh fanny, you look just like ya daddy!" lol

spero so we much teach our children the correct terms, vulva, clitoris.. just encase they get abused Confused

oxfordbags I actually like gina that's a good idea... but I don't have issues, just wouldn't want my small children talking about there vulva ect

seriouscakeeater · 07/04/2013 18:54

but at the same time wouldn't want my ds talking about his 'banjo' every thing in moderation!

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 07/04/2013 18:55

What's wrong with calling them your 'genitals'?

That's what they're called at school, so less confusing and not offensive.

You can be more specific if it's necessary but I like the equality of it myself as boys have got 'genitals' too!

Viviennemary · 07/04/2013 18:55

Because a sore bottom would be a sore bottom. It's up to each individual what they want to teach their children to use. I've never heard of people teaching little children to say vulva and vagina. But if they want to that's their business.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 07/04/2013 18:56

What's wrong with calling them your 'genitals'?

That's what they're called at school, so less confusing and not offensive.

You can be more specific if it's necessary but I like the equality of it myself as boys have got 'genitals' too!

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 18:56

I always knew it as fanny growing up or lady bits, it was a tummy until I learned te proper words. I don't think I was psychologically damaged by not knowing te correct terminology for a while. My dd had an itchy fanny, she told the doctrine her fanny was itchy and he understood what she was saying

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 18:58

In case of abuse, that never came into my mind and would not most people.

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 18:59

Because of dd sn dd would not be abe to tell me or anyone if she had been abused,

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 19:00

I like genitals they are better, teir is no confusion an I like te equality of it

Grannylipstick · 07/04/2013 19:02

My children called it their private. I call mine my nonnie.

Softlysoftly · 07/04/2013 19:02

So noone thought to tell the girl to point to the area of her body then? Sounds like she was seriously let down by useless fucking policing rather than a feckless parent not teaching her vulva Hmm.

I find the direction this is taking a bit offensive tbh

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 19:06

I agree softly softly surely te Chidren can also point to the area and show the professionals, my dd did tat at te doctor as well as saying her fanny itched. Te doctor a trained rofessional knew exactly what dd meant

OxfordBags · 07/04/2013 19:15

Serious... So no issues but baulk at the idea of small children using an ordinary and correct term for a part of their body? Wink

Agree that genitals is a good word, it can be used for male or female. Abbreviations or fun names are cool, it's when people are actually adverse to children knowing the correct words that makes me WTF.

A genuine question here, though: for those women who don't want to call their genitals vagina/vulva, what do you actually say when discussing them with medical people? I mean, you don't refer to them as anything but the correct words, surely?! I can't imagine a grown woman being in labour and telling the MW that there's a funny feeling in their flower, FFS!
It'd be like going to see someone about migraines and saying you have a boo-boo in your noggin!

HerrenaHarridan · 07/04/2013 19:21

Softly softly. Actually that is exactly what they do. In a private room pretrial, only police and child present with anatomically correct dolls on video. But then when the prosecution want to cross examine the witness...

Take it from bitter experience that your much better off being able to identify verbally the difference between an anus and a vulva,