to give DS 7 yo so much responsibility?

[Flojobunny]

DS gets breakfast ready, opens the curtains makes the beds, puts the rubbish out, puts the bins out on bin day, dresses himself, tidys the play room and his room, brings the laundry down, puts the laundry away and fetches lots of random items I need either upstairs or downstairs. When I wrote it down I realised it sounds like a lot. Exactly how bad is it?

It's similar to what I expect from my DS and DD (who are 9 and 7).

In the mornings they are expected to get themselves ready (we will help if need be e.g DD struggles to do her hair), get own breakfast and put bowl/cup away in dishwasher.

In the evenings one sets the table and the other wipes down. Again, have to put own plates etc in dishwasher. Before going to bed they have to tidy the lounge/anywhere else they've played. If they have clean clothes from the laundry, they put them away. Also need to get bags/clothes ready for next day. Quite often they help with either making tea or next day's packed lunches - but don't enforce that!

At the weekends we tend to have an hour where we all clean - they are expected to tidy their own rooms and help with general cleaning.

They don't seem to have any problems with doing all that, and get plenty of time to play.

I find it more odd e.g. friend who still gets clothes out for and packs bags for her 9 year old.

I think it's great that your DS does a lot of chores around the house. But yes, I do think he needs lots of play time too and chill out time. He is only seven, after all. Also, forgive me but do you feel you are ever so slightly taking advantage of his compliant nature ie running upstairs to grab your purse? Why is your four year old not getting her own shoes? And you are the mum, it's your role to look after him re: food etc - that does not equate to not doing chores.

My DC put their clean clothes away and their dirties in the laundry basket. DS is being trained to pick up his pants from the bathroom floor.

Both can make spag bol and an omolette and a mean cuppa. Both do their schoolwork without complaints. Both will help me bring in the shopping and do stuff like collecting dry cleaning, etc..

They are 15 and 18. I have never had a complaint from school, they are pretty grounded, pretty busy, pretty charming and doing well. They have built on lovely mud pie type childhoods and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Good grief. That sounds horrific for a seven year old.

My 7 yr old

dresses himself
brings his laundry downstairs
helps hoover the house
polishes furniture
gets the hoover out & put it away
gets new toilet roll/ kitchen towel/ dog food
makes his own toast on the weekend
fetches lots of things
feeds the chickens & gives them fresh water
helps load & empty the dishwasher
make his own dinner*

As a teacher, I am often shocked by how little some children are able to do for themselves. As a parent, I feel guilty for the amount my Ds has to do.

I make sure there is time to do not very much each day - maybe watching telly, reading books, just chatting etc and DS has several activities each week that he does of his own accord.

*I am ill & when it is bad, DS has to feed himself. This means making beans or spaghetti on toast or putting a pizza in the oven. Because of his responsbilities, he has support from Young Carers who ensure that he has help and has opportunities to just be a child rather than my carer.

I have an 8 year old who does very similar chores. Every morning he goes through his list of 'jobs' before school:

making his bed, opening curtains, making sure lights in his room are turned off
getting cereal out and putting it into bowls for himself and his 3 year old brother
opening lounge curtains
putting laundry in washing machine for me (I sort it and chuck it down the stairs, he puts it into the machine)
feeding pets (I get the bowl of food ready though).

For these he gets an extra 50p pocket money per week and he is quite proud of having his 'jobs' I think - I might occasionally have to remind him but most mornings he just gets on and does them.

He is also expected to put away shoes and coat when he comes in (not just dump them on the floor!), keep his room tidy, help with clearing away after meals, help with tidying lounge and/or garden if we've been playing out there, fold his school clothes ready for school the next day and put his dirty laundry in the laundry box. I will also admit to asking him to fetch things for me from time to time (we have a 9 week old, I'm breastfeeding, so quite often DS will be asked to bring me my water bottle or fetch a clean muslin or whatever).

The thing is, when you write jobs down it does tend to look like more than it is! All of the things DS helps out with are just part and parcel of daily routine and just kind of happen as the day goes on, I certainly don't ever feel that he misses out on playing time because of them.

So I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I agree with whoever posted about trying not to overload him with too much responsibility but what you have described doesn't sound like too much responsibility.

DS is 6.
On a morning he gets himself up,
Opens his own curtains,
Sometimes makes his bed
Gets himself dresses (in the clothes I lay out the night before)
Gets himself breakfast, either cereal or fruit and yogurt, (which I have made everything needed easily accessible for him)
Tidies up any toys in his bedroom or the living room left out
Gets his school bag ready.

And for all this his reward is some tv before school, usually 15 minutes or so.

I think that sounds like an entirely reasonable list of tasks. I have an 8, 7 and 2 year old and our philosophy is to do for the chilfren what they can't do for themselves and once they are able to do it themselves then they do it. Then we all in the family do a reasonable amount for each other, e.g. I may get the big kids a drink if I am getting the little kid one, we'll fetch thingd for each other e.g. soe one will hunt for my slippers but earlier maybe I hunted for the missing school jumper. We are a family, we al, help each other. I'm not the skivvy even though I'm a sahm.
To continue to do things for children imo doesn't do them any favours. I cooked sunday dinner, washed and ironed from secondary school age.

I think the op sounds brilliant and I am in awe of her.

My three boys are very opposite and I feel guilty about this.

It sounds like quite a lot, but maybe my DS doesn't do enough. What bothers me is your own description of the way you do this, and the tone (in your post on page 2 of the thread) 'don't just stand there', 'get DD's shoes' (why doesn't she get asked to do this?) and 'run upstairs and get my purse, I've forgotten it'. I assume if he'd forgotten something of his, you'd make him go and get it himself?

It comes across a bit like him skivvying for you, as opposed to having his jobs to do as part of a family. And does he get thanked for this, or praised when he does a good job?

OP when I was 7 I washed up every night. I distinctly remember standing on a kitchen stool with little rubberised feet to reach the sink. When we turned 7 in our house, we were expected to start helping out with 'proper' housework, so one sister did washing up, another cleared the table and wiped it, and another swept the floor and did surfaces.

We had 'chores charts' and had to do our chores every week - I think we got stickers from memory - and if we did them all we got a treat every week/ fortnight/ month.

I think it's fine; we all worked together. We also didn't get any pocket money for this. Personally, I think that's really important and will do the same with my DC when I have them (ttc). We did get pocket money, but my dad always said explicitly,

'You help out as you are part of the family, and we all help keep the house nice as we all live here. You get pocket money as everyone in the family gets some money to spend on themselves. But pocket money is not a reward for helping.'

I have lots of ishoos with my dad but that is not one of them, and I will expect my DC to help out too. And if they don't feel like it, tough - I don't feel like tidying stuff or bothering to pay bills on time, but I have to.

I think it sounds fine. Mine are a little younger at 6 + 4 but I'm gearing them up for more 'chores' around the house.

One DD starts school in September I'll have a pocket money / chore scheme in place.

TheNurseryCryme my DS9 & 5 do pretty much the same as that list.

My 9 year old walks the dogs in the morning, sorts the animals etc. We live rurally so he runs them across the field.

The car washing we do give them some pocket money for.

But all of the dressing, washing, clothes, tidying I think is normal, they have both made lunches tonight before going to bed, they like to know what they are having and love to help. I think it gives them that sense of control as well, they help prepare veg on sundays if we have a roast, they help cooking and baking as well and can make pancake batter.

I get the boys to hoover and polish sometimes and they both wipe down in the shower when they have finished.

OP I think for 7 that's just fine

I have a 7.5 yr old she does have dyspraxia so finds some things difficult
She gets herself dressed with abit of help
Sometimes gets her own breakfast
Would not let her put out bins or laundry
She wouldnt manage bin small for age
Laundry is tricky to do

My daughter is 8, she
runs her own bath/shower
makes her breakfast,
folds her uniform for school each night,
makes her bed,
tidies her room,
she even hoovers her room if asked to do it.
She gets her own swimming/pe kit ready,
brings down her washing, and occasionally if shes bored i will give her the polish and duster. She seems to enjoy the responsibility. I think it's good for them.

My son however is 4.
He makes his own bed,
tidies his toys away,
brings down his washing,
feeds the cat while i make his breakfast.
He dresses himself and
folds his clothes each night for school.

Each to their own, but i think a little responsibility early on pays its weight in gold later on :)
My daughter did the same chores as my son at 4, and she never moans or whines about it now.