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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give DS 7 yo so much responsibility?

91 replies

Flojobunny · 06/04/2013 23:53

DS gets breakfast ready, opens the curtains makes the beds, puts the rubbish out, puts the bins out on bin day, dresses himself, tidys the play room and his room, brings the laundry down, puts the laundry away and fetches lots of random items I need either upstairs or downstairs. When I wrote it down I realised it sounds like a lot. Exactly how bad is it?

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 07/04/2013 00:52

er, big difference between five and 13...

Booyhoo · 07/04/2013 00:57

who is 13?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/04/2013 01:12

There's nothing wrong with the list of what he does - but he needs more leisure and play time than an adult does so you have to make time for that for him.

Original poster

Flojobunny · 07/04/2013 09:58

Ok I think maybe I need to make some sort of schedule, so there's time for all the after school activities and time to chill at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flojobunny · 07/04/2013 10:03

As for nanny who implied I do nothing, clearly you do nothing if you think those jobs I listed are the sum total of running a home and looking after a family.
Need I mention the endless cooking, washing up, ironing? Don't you hoover and dust and clean the bathroom or kitchen? To name but a few.
I guess as a single working mum I have tried to teach my kids that we need to pull together as a family and look after one another. But maybe I've got that wrong and blurred the parenting lines and my DS shouldn't feel like he has to 'look after' me.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 07/04/2013 10:12

Teaching them we need to pull together is fine, expecting them to do other people's beds, put rubbish out and run around getting things for you is going too far.

If they want to help with things like that then fine but not expecting them too.

As for your list of jobs you have to do well sorry that comes with being an adult and a parent!

Convert · 07/04/2013 10:24

I have boys aged 6 and 4, they are expected to get themselves dressed, open curtains, tidy their room before bed (generally I help because its like a toy bomb exploded!) they sometimes help unload the dishwasher, they make their own breakfast and dd's. Ds1 obviously does a bit more being the oldest and more capable but he likes to help me. Even dd 20 months helps unload the dishwasher. I think it sounds fine, maybe the bins would be a step far for me but if he is happy I can't see a problem.

Lueji · 07/04/2013 10:34

FGS, of course it's not too much!

More than most 7 year olds, but not too much.

It's not like he's cleaning the windows and cooking dinner.

Machli · 07/04/2013 10:38

My dc tidy their own rooms, bring their own laundry down, clear the table after themselves. I think that's enough. They are 10 & 6.

My Mum used to have me running round getting random items for her while she sat on her ass in her armchair and I will be honest as I got older it really pissed me off and I thought she was lazy. If YOU want something then YOU should get it unless you are up to your elbows in some other task.

WilsonFrickett · 07/04/2013 10:40

I don't think it's too much, my DS does all of that except the bins (can't reach the wheelie) and I don't really bother about room tidying, we'll blitz it together every couple of weeks but it's his space so I don't really mind how tidy/messy it is on a day to day basis.

Lueji · 07/04/2013 10:42

The OP is not sitting on her arse, is she?
She's ironing or cooking dinner or cleaning.

shrimponastick · 07/04/2013 10:46

e It's fine IMO.

If only more children were taught to help around the house from a younger age they wouldn't be so useless as young adults/full grown adults!

The way you have listed it makes it sound really time consuming. But really it's probably 10mins per day? Good grounding for growing up I say.

roundtower · 07/04/2013 10:46

I have no problem with children helping out.

It's good to teach them some independence and responsibility.

I don't like your response when he moans. You are the parent. If he mostly does what you ask it doesn't seem fair to say you don't feel like making the tea. It's your responsibilty. Whether he does chores or not.

sarahtigh · 07/04/2013 10:48

your son does not do too much

my DD is 3

she almost dresses herself finds some garments tricker than others

she takes her bowl plate cutlery to sink she loves washing up so she generally does wash them ( though they often need redoing)

she tidies her toys away mostly, put things in bin if asked

will put some shopping away

she puts her duvet back onto bed ( not usually straight)

she likes to help cleaning so she normally brushes small area

we have to take wheelie bin 200m down lane to be collected but she loves helping daddy to do this

she sometimes helps with food prep and baking this is always optional

i have sprained ankle and going up and down stairs as been very hard so she has fetched lots of things for me she got extra comic for this and trip to cafe

encouraging children to help whether you are single parent who can not do it all alone or you are a full time SAHP is a good thing

the correct reply to "what did your last slave die of?" is laziness

Sirzy · 07/04/2013 10:50

If only more children were taught to help around the house from a younger age they wouldn't be so useless as young adults/full grown adults!

Teaching children do do things around the house is great, but the OP has already said that he doesn't seem to have any time to sit and play THAT is wrong, he is 7 so doing jobs around the house shouldn't mean he has no time to be a 7 year old.

couldwinterstopnowplease · 07/04/2013 10:54

Sarah, your dd is only three and most preschoolers are much more malleable and think helping mummy and daddy is fun. It's all often different with older children who grow out of that.
It's good she does it now and hopefully you can keep it going though.

Op, I don't think most of it sounds too much. There's a line between mucking in and looking after themselves in an age appropriate way and you sound the right side of it.
I do sometimes get my dc to fetch something of mine if they are upstairs but equally they get me to do the same as a favour and we know that's how it works. It's collaborative. So if I'm upstairs ds might say while you're there could you grab my book or whatever, and vice versa.

ValarMorGoolis · 07/04/2013 11:02

I say that too 'I don't want to tidy up your room (or whatever) but we all help to do things together'. DS is 6. I like to encourage him to see the work that goes on for his benefit, and to help a little bit. I don't want him growing up thinking fairies do the housework/ cooking etc.

ValarMorGoolis · 07/04/2013 11:10

I wouldn't make him take the rubbish out (unless it was a little carrier bag to go in the wheelie bin perhaps).

forevergreek · 07/04/2013 11:17

I think it's maybe too much if no time to play, but otherwise sounds ok.

Even out two toddlers will do their 'share', and learning to do these things is just a way of life. They will get dressed with help with buttons etc, put dirty washing in basket, lay table ( as in one gets 4 placemats, one gets cutlery whilst myself/ dh finish up dinner prep), will scrap their plates into bin and into dishwasher most days, put toys away etc.. If I list everything it would also look long, but most of it is general development

SneakyNinja · 07/04/2013 11:17

Yabu, it's great for children to help out but to 'hold him to ransom' if he doesn't feel like it one day by threatening not to cook dinner seems rather childish. Something about the tone of your posts doesn't sit right with me.

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/04/2013 11:55

I think its a lot for infant primary school children and if they moan they get told no tea, poor kids.

I am of the opinion they only get one childhood. I recall spending hours helping at home, babysitting siblings etc and struggled to fit in homework much less go out with friends. As an adult, I know those things shouldnt fall to children, the odd small job to teach responsibility but nothing else.

DS has to tidy away anything he gets out, pop dishes into kitchen after a meal and do homework. Theres little time after school and activities as it is some nights without piling chores on him. He asks to learn things so i go with that and when he's a teen will show him more cooking, ironing etc but he doest need to do it day in day out to prepare him for leaving home. As long as he knows how to do it then thats the main thing.

Machli · 07/04/2013 14:17

I agree sneakyninja.

If you are having to make a schedule to ensure your son gets down and play time then he is doing far too much.

Original poster

Flojobunny · 07/04/2013 14:55

He doesnt do chores after school, hes usually doing some club or other, beavers, swimming, after school club etc.
Morning are a bit manic and sometimes after I've dropped him off i feel like I've bearly said too words to him other than bark orders.
"get dressed" "hurry up" "have you made your bed and opened your curtains?" "well dont just stand there, go and do it" "get DDs shoes out will you" "pop this on my bed" "oh I've left my purse upstairs will you grab it please" etc etc
Not because I'm sat in a cozy armchair thinking life is grand. Usually getting myself and DD washed and dressed, and lunches done, feeding the pets, washing up breakfast stuff etc.
Though it is possibe I have said "while you are going upstairs will you just take this" as I glance up from my phone while sending MN replies!

OP posts:

Ragwort · 07/04/2013 15:01

I don't think it sounds too much at all, I think it is great that you are encouraging your DS to understand that there are responsibilities involved in running a home and it shouldn't be just the mum who does everything.

Sorting out a bit of recycling and tidying up is hardly going to take hours is it? I am a Cub Leader and it is shocking how many young people come to camp without a clue of how to look after themselves and do a few chores.

I admire you for having such a helpful DS and admit I have failed miserably to get my 12 year old more involved in housework. I also spend my mornings barking orders, doesn't mean to say they get obeyed .

ImperialBlether · 07/04/2013 15:08

Barking orders at a compliant little boy sounds vile. What's wrong with asking nicely?

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