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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fertility is a completely unfair lottery

118 replies

Dancingthroughthefire · 04/04/2013 22:19

There's philpott breeding left right and centre and being the most horrific parent.

And then there's us, struggling to conceive. Been told dh is basically infertile and we will likely never conceive naturally.

Where is the justice? I know it is just luck and it shouldn't make me so angry but it's so unfair.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/04/2013 22:20

yannnnnnnnnnnbu

HollyBerryBush · 04/04/2013 22:21

oh FFS ...can someone do a thread that doesn't contain the word 'philpott' ??

Ouchmyhead · 04/04/2013 22:22

As someone who is also battling infertility; YANBU!

It's especially unfair when you have a complete shithead for a brother, who got two girls pregnant within 7 months. That was lovely news for my fiancé and I, who have been trying for nearly 3 years now!

Original poster
Dancingthroughthefire · 04/04/2013 22:22

Sorry...it was just him that came to mind.
However I often think it when reading or hearing about children who have been neglected or abused.

OP posts:
OliPocket · 04/04/2013 22:23

YANBU about the unfairness

YABU to use the word 'breeding'.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 04/04/2013 22:23

Yanbu it is just luck, I got lucky and then shared that luck by donating eggs, my recipient had twins!

Fingers crossed for you op xxx

expatinscotland · 04/04/2013 22:23

Life is an unfair lottery.

AnyFucker · 04/04/2013 22:24

holly....no sympathy for OP, just annoyance for yourself ?

You could always hide the thread if you don't want to engage

PoppyWearer · 04/04/2013 22:25

YANBU.

I hope you get there, OP, it took us 4 years but we did, against the odds.

PacificDogwood · 04/04/2013 22:26

YANBU.

Good luck.

TidyDancer · 04/04/2013 22:27

I agree entirely with your sentiment OP. It's crap and unfair. :(

TabithaMcKitten · 04/04/2013 22:30

YANBU - I feel the same way about childhood cancer. I couldn't have been happier with my two lovely boys and cherished every moment with them. Then one of them got cancer.

I'm lucky as he is going to just fine, but I get very angry at the massive families on 16 Kids and Counting - I only wanted two and one of those is seriously ill, why is it fair that they can just have endless children?!

SnowHOHOboarder · 04/04/2013 22:31

I agree with expat totally.

Life is unfair. I got cancer at 26 which led to my infertility. A round of IVF later and one unexpected surprise and I now have 2 children. Anyone looking on from the outside who doesn't know me might think its come easily but it hasn't - the cancer shook my world, the IVF was gruelling both mentally and physically and my eldest DC was born extremely prematurely.

I hope it works out for you OP and everyone else on the thread who is struggling with infertility.

PacificDogwood · 04/04/2013 22:49

expat Sad - you've said it.

havingamadmoment · 04/04/2013 22:53

It isn't fair. I have 5 and so people probably look at me and chat about how easy I have it. One of the women in the school playground said after dc 5 was born that I found it as easy as shelling peas.

I have been pregnant 11 times to get those 5.

fuzzysnout · 04/04/2013 22:54

So true expat Flowers

soontobeburns · 04/04/2013 23:00

I know YANBU. I feel sick everytime someone I know gets pregnant by accident or after only a month with a guy.

I have been trying for 3 years and like youOP been told it's unlikely due to OHs sperm count :-(

Though I feel such sympathy for khloe kardashian her sisters getting pregnant left, right and centre and she cant.

CloudsAndTrees · 04/04/2013 23:03

Life is unfair about a lot of things, often far more damaging things than infertility. Bad things happen to good people all the time unfortunately.

Morloth · 04/04/2013 23:03

As expat says.

Life isn't fair.

Fairness is an 'odd' idea when viewed over a world/historical level.

Shit happens.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 04/04/2013 23:03

It takes ONE sperm in the right place to make a baby.
It can take ONE germ in the wrong place to kill someone.
Nobody ever said life was fair (and if they did, they lied) but you can lie down and weep and moan at the injustice, or you can get on with whatever it is you do and not let it cripple you emotionally.

CherylTrole · 04/04/2013 23:07

Yes it is unfair. Its one of those things where you have to wonder why.

AvrilPoisson · 04/04/2013 23:12

It is a lottery, and so very sad for those that want to have children but can't. I had assumed friends of ours didn't want children, but I found out recently they've been trying for ages, and just cannot stay pg. I have no idea what to say to them, as most of our set have children, and it seems so unfair for them, they'd make wonderful parents too.

grovel · 04/04/2013 23:18

YANBU.

Plan for no children (so think what you'll need to do to keep yourselves happy as a team).

Relax because you've got a plan.

Maybe conceive.

Sperm are fickle.

HesterShaw · 04/04/2013 23:22

There is nothing fair in the world of fertility. Nothing at all.

NikkiLaLa · 04/04/2013 23:25

YANBU I have one child who took 3 years to conceive and we have now been trying for a second for 4.5 years, it's incredibly unfair and it makes me feel sick when you see scumbags like them popping out children all over the place.