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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want by 7wk olds dad to take him out without me?

98 replies

JellyBelly1975 · 04/04/2013 19:58

We aren't together and he wants to spend time with him but without me.

I'm bf'ding on demand and lo feeds roughly every hour.

He's said he wants me to feed lo and he will come back in an hour. But I'm not comfortable with it. I need some other opinions on this please. Would anyone be ok with letting their 7 week old leave the building they are in?

I've offered to meet at my parents house and go upstairs in case lo wants feeding, he says this will not be relaxed for him.

OP posts:
EmmaGellerGreen · 04/04/2013 20:13

Unless there is anything more that you're not telling us, why on earth can your baby's father not take him for a walk? What on earth could be the problem? DH was taking DS for walks from a few days old while I lay on the sofa in a sleep deprived haze.

Ilovesunflowers · 04/04/2013 20:14

He's the child's father. Can you compromise on a half hour walk to start with. I can see why he'd want to see the child alone if you aren't together. See it as an opportunity to get a shower without being disturbed or a short nap.

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/04/2013 20:16

YABVU, so by virtue that you are a women means you get one to one time with hour child but he doesnt? He is an equal parent and should be treated like one. The baby is not a possession.

If circumstances were reversed, would you be happy? I doubt it in the slightest.

bedmonster · 04/04/2013 20:17

Why on earth is a 7 week old baby too little to be apart from its mother for an hour? I really don't think he's asking much, and can understand why he'd want to spend time with his own child away from a hovering mother.

This is what I was thinking tbh. I am presuming, as no other information is provided about the fathers competency, that he will manage fine for an hour with his baby.

Your baby is nearly 2 months old, have you ever been apart from him at all? I'm honestly not being sarky, DP took DS at 1 day old out for a couple of hours in the car to take DD to a party and I felt no panic or weirdness at all. I trusted him and knew he would bring him back if he needed feeding or whatever. Do you not trust him?

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:17

Duh! Just figured out the building thingBlush

Yes, I did let other people (DH, grannies etc.) take my DC out of the house without me.

digerd · 04/04/2013 20:18

But at 7 weeks he will not remember anything and will likely sleep for the hour.

MortifiedAdams · 04/04/2013 20:18

YABU. DH took three week old baby dd out for the afternoon. We are together, so not really sure if thats the reason you dont want to.

A father, taking his seven week old out for an hours walk? Seriously OP?

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:19

So what?

It's more about the Dad enjoying a trip out with the baby.

Is he supposed to wait until the child is 4 or 5 then?.

twinklyfingers · 04/04/2013 20:19

Yanbu.

Too soon for both you and baby. In a few months time you'll be desperate for a break and dad can take lo out then. It's not worth the stress just now. At 7 weeks I was just getting used to someone other than dh taking dd out of the room! Perhaps you could go for a nap and dad could have lo in the living room until next feed?

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:20

That was to digerd btw...

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/04/2013 20:20

If you're not together anymore it's understandable that he wants to spend time with his baby but not with you. If it's just an hour, or until baby needs feeding, then the only problem is your slightly unreasonable control.

pamelat · 04/04/2013 20:20

Could you offer to drop the baby with him at his for hour, at least then you can control picking baby up, maybe start off 30/45 mins because of feeds?

Make the most of the peace :)

digerd · 04/04/2013 20:20

I've seen babies in sheepskin covers in Germany

doublecakeplease · 04/04/2013 20:20

Unless there are other issues with him then I think yabu. Alone time is important for Dads too - my Mam often tells me about how Dad used to 'parade' us down to the shops - beaming and chatting to us from being tiny. He wasn't a demonstrative man when we were little and that was his thing - he loved it! 7 weeks is not too young at all!!

Oblomov · 04/04/2013 20:20

I don't understand all the posts. Unless there is something I am missing, YABVU. Was the ex violent. What are you not telling us.
Many dh's take newborns for a walk in the pram, for an hour, within days. My dh did. And your ds is 7 weeks?

SneakyNinja · 04/04/2013 20:21

I would try and compromise OP. For me, it was never how long PFB was away from me but how FAR away that was the issue. I'd have no problem letting him sit in the local park with him for hours if he was happy and content. Only if I could trust the fact he would be brought back if he kicked off though. Mind you, mine would only settle for boob and his feeding pattern was all over the place. He would get hugely distressed if he had to wait too long and I couldnt relax if I didnt think he would be brought back in time.

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:22

Yes digerd there seems to be a sizeable proportion of people in this country who think babies should not go out unless its warm or before they are about 4 months old!

EmmaGellerGreen · 04/04/2013 20:23

Twinkly - seriously! You didn't wouldn't "let" your DC's father take them for a short walk alone? I'm not sure my DH would ever thought to have asked "permission" to take his dc out!

Fairenuff · 04/04/2013 20:23

Jelly what is the problem with baby spending an hour alone with his dad? Really, what is wrong with that.

MortifiedAdams · 04/04/2013 20:24

Feel I have to add to my reply now ive seen some more responses.

It is totally and utterly selfish of some mothers to refuse to allow their baby to go out for an hour with a (what we have to assume based on nothin to prove otherwise) capable father. The baby will likely sleep, have little look around or gabble at the faces and sounds. The father will have an hours sole parenting to enjoy 100% company of their child.

Lord knows those of you saying "too young" would be the first to fucking complain if said father refused to have responsibility for their offspring.

And breathe.

Oblomov · 04/04/2013 20:24

" I couldn't let my dh take him into the next room at 7 weeks"
Are you serious. Neurotic.

OHforDUCKScake · 04/04/2013 20:24

Big fat no.

Although this is coming from someone who doesnt like being apart from their own baby before 12 months, 18 months with my eldest.

I loved having breast feeding as an excuse.

At 7 weeks breast feeding isnt an excuse its an absolute reason.

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:25

Just for interest, here is the BBC report about Scandinavian babies sleeping outside:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21537988

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:26

Sorry for de-rail by the way!

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 20:27

I wish the OP would tell us if she has concerns about trustworthiness or something!