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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hating dd's friend?

88 replies

Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:18

So, invited dd's friend over for a play seeing as it is the Eastwr hols. Thought it would be nice for dd.

I have known that friend (henceforth known as nasty girl - ng) is a bit of a rascal, dd has said before that age gets in trouble at school quite a bit. I just didn't realise how truly horrid she is.

This is what she has done in the hour or so she has been here:

-- dropped massive chunks of biscuit in the floor, laughed and refused to clear it up.

--wiped chocolatey spit inside my diary (and laughed about it).

--asked me why I have such a fat bum? Hmm

--hit my dd and made her cry.

I fucking hate her. I want to call her mum and get her picked up. AIBU????

--

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 17:03

Err, I don't think children are within their rights to ask rude, ill-mannered questions!

You might expect a 3 year old to come out with something like that but I made sure my two were well aware that it was rude to comment on/ask questions about someone's appearance. And they got that message before they were 5.

ladydepp · 04/04/2013 17:06

Feel free to rant on here OP. I have never had a child over who behaved as badly as your visitor, but a few of dd's friends are spoilt little madams (they're 5) and I can hardly wait until they leave after some play dates.

Stand your ground and get cross with her, she needs to recognise your boundaries even if she may not have many at home.

gabsid · 04/04/2013 17:12

I am always glad when playdates leave Smile, unless they are with their parents and we can have coffee.

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 17:18

Actually OP - when she asked that question you should have said:

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

sue52 · 04/04/2013 17:28

Not sure a pa approach helps with a tricky 5 year old. Just don't invite her round again.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 04/04/2013 17:31

I would have given her one warning and then called her mum to collect her.
It is ok to do that if a child is behaving badly in your home!

Squarepebbles · 04/04/2013 17:36

Right after the fat bum comment she'd have been outa my door and soooooo never invited back.

Ring!

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 17:38

Def tell her Mum about her behaviour and simply don't invite her again. Don't make life difficult for yourself - you have no obligation to have a naughty child in your house (unless it's yours...Grin

superstarheartbreaker · 04/04/2013 17:39

Are you for real? She sounds about average for her age!

usualsuspect · 04/04/2013 17:40

I would have laughed at the fat bum comment TBH.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 04/04/2013 17:42

YANBU to vent on here. Don't let the bed wetters on here tell you otherwise.

There are plenty of children that I really cannot stand and I suppose, in the heat of the moment, I might say I hated them (not to them) Why are we not allowed to dislike kids?! They're twats.

Maggie111 · 04/04/2013 17:43

Yanbu - she sounds awful!

usualsuspect · 04/04/2013 17:44
usualsuspect · 04/04/2013 17:45
Grin
MarmaladeTwatkins · 04/04/2013 17:46

I am probably also venting as I have had my house systematically destroyed by other people's children today...

MarmaladeTwatkins · 04/04/2013 17:46

It is fat. I cannot debate that one.

jenniferturkington · 04/04/2013 17:51

Blimey the op has ended up having to defend herself a lot here. The child sounds poorly behaved. If my 5.5 yr old behaved like that in someone else's house I would be mortified. Yes they drop crumbs, no they don't refuse to pick the big bits up. Yes they make a mess with chocolate, no they don't smear spit on anything. Hitting is wrong, any five year old should know that. And my five year old knows it's rude to comment on weight/size etc.
Hate was a strong word, but definately tell the child's mother or father on pick-up. And don't invite her again!

Timetoask · 04/04/2013 18:00

She sounds really bad mannered and rude.
My DS so the same age has had many playdates and although a few have not been perfect I have certainly never had an experience like the one you describe.

What to do in this case? I don't feel comfortable telling someone else's child off (specially not in my own house) but I would never ever invite her again or allow my child to visit her (presumabley she behaves like this in her own house as well).

BooCanary · 04/04/2013 18:00

IME 5/6 yo's do go a bit bonkers on a playdate.

My DD is normally fairly well behaved, tidies up when asked (most of the time), eats nicely, doesn't run around screaming.

And then her friends come round, and they go CRAZY. Every toy pulled out, screaming and racing round the place, food mess all over the kitchen, cheekiness (running up and tapping me on the bum and running off laughing for instance), being mean to DS. And it ALWAYS ends in friendship squabbles and tears.

Some of her friends (who are generally quite decent sorts) have made all kinds of comments that have made me Hmm, such as 'my house is tidier than yours', 'my mum has nicer hair than you', 'DD has a tiiiiiny bedroom - why?' . It's annoying, but there's not a great deal to be done.

I dread to think what 4yo DS will be like when he starts to have playdates without me, as he is currently famed for getting his bum and willy out all the time, asking women if they are men Shock , and generally being a total embarassment!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/04/2013 18:08

I agree with Goldmandra.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/04/2013 18:10

It's true that you simply don't know how your own DC s behave on playdates and many parents would not tell you. I don't think either of mine were ever as rude at the girl in the OP, butnI have reprimanded visiting children for less

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 04/04/2013 18:13

And this is why I am not rushing to invite dds friend from school

Molehillmountain · 04/04/2013 18:19

I have documented how much I dislike play dates. But that's because they bring out the worst in some children and it is often a hard work situation. It would be nice if a play date meant dd was busy and you could take a breather, but in my experience it is rarely the case. My new mantra with mine and other children is "the worse the behaviour, the more input and jollity is required". By all means don't invite this girl again, but my new strategy is (for one girl who dd loves and I'm not keen on because she behaves badly except when important people are watching and tries to one up dd all the time. She also behaves as if I'm a bit beneath her. She's six!) to pile on the charm and play with them. I'd be very firm on the spitting etc and even give a warning that she might go home, but then make the whole experience so bloody amazing that she wouldn't want to. And then have a large treat in the evening.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/04/2013 18:21

Playdates are indeed a PITA until they are a little older. juniors

Molehillmountain · 04/04/2013 18:24

Oh and in the back of my mind I imagine how I'd like dd to be treated if she forgot herself on a play date. Much as I hope she wouldn't misbehave like that and I've never had anyone say she has, they do go a bit out of character. I'd like to think that people applied their house rules but cut a bit of slack.

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