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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In hating dd's friend?

88 replies

Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:18

So, invited dd's friend over for a play seeing as it is the Eastwr hols. Thought it would be nice for dd.

I have known that friend (henceforth known as nasty girl - ng) is a bit of a rascal, dd has said before that age gets in trouble at school quite a bit. I just didn't realise how truly horrid she is.

This is what she has done in the hour or so she has been here:

-- dropped massive chunks of biscuit in the floor, laughed and refused to clear it up.

--wiped chocolatey spit inside my diary (and laughed about it).

--asked me why I have such a fat bum? Hmm

--hit my dd and made her cry.

I fucking hate her. I want to call her mum and get her picked up. AIBU????

--

OP posts:
MDA · 04/04/2013 16:39

If someone said "why is your bum so fat" I'd say "I dont know, perhaps that's how I'm made, that's okay" to a younger child and perhaps to a much older one (9/10) I'd say "I should probably go for a run but I'm too busy. Not your problem though"

A child smearing chocolate spit on your book is seeking adult attention. The girls round the corner try and nick my kindle and try and sneak round the corner and "scare" me, its the same idea. So I grab them and ruff their hair and tip them upside down and they love it.

I'm not that maternal but honestly 5 years old is just tiny.

Original poster
Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:39

Of course I would never use those words in front of the girl or dd. on the face of it I have just said that this is not kind behaviour. But internally I do dislike her. Yes, hate is a strong word and I probably should have thought more carefully about my word choice. I apologise for that. Her behaviour is dreadful, and I have been pretty shocked by it.

I vented on here, but I probably just should have kept it to myself.Sad

OP posts:
MDA · 04/04/2013 16:40

(girls round the corner do that when they are round to play btw, I don't leave my house unlocked lol))

Original poster
Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:40

Of course I would never use those words in front of the girl or dd. on the face of it I have just said that this is not kind behaviour. But internally I do dislike her. Yes, hate is a strong word and I probably should have thought more carefully about my word choice. I apologise for that. Her behaviour is dreadful, and I have been pretty shocked by it.

I vented on here, but I probably just should have kept it to myself.Sad

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 16:40

Cardi in this house the child who misbehaves would be put on a timeout, I always tell people when my kids are in their house to do XXX thing if they misbehave (depending on which child it is) and always discuss it when kids come here too. Is this not normal? Its certainly better than sitting seething hatred towards a 5yo.

foslady · 04/04/2013 16:40

DD used to have a 'friend' that the mother engineered. Every time she came she purposely broke one of dd's toys (I saw her on one of the occasions) that she knew was a favourite and she didn't have and then came to the door way shouting 'Ididn'tdoit, itwasn'tme, itwasanaccident' making it so bloody obvious. Happened at other childrens houses too.

I too cheered when the spoilt, bratty family moved away (parents honestly believed they were above us all and made sure we knew..........)

MDA · 04/04/2013 16:41

Hey its alright to "dislike" kids I have done in the past...honestly when my son's friend was going through a DREADFUL stage about 3 I could barely look at him, and it made me ashamed, but I couldn't, I couldnt pretend.

I didn't tell him/his mum, and I didn't come on here, but I could have.

Please don't worry but try and absorb some of the truths about 5 year olds and their behaviours, they are still very very young.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/04/2013 16:41

OP it's too hard to have such small DC around unless you know them already...and their parents. I've been there and done it and found it a nightmare as they can't entertain themselves for long.

How long was the playdate meant to last for?

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 16:41

MDA are you serious?

Anyway - "hating" is a bit strong OP but she sounds like a rude and spoilt little madam.

Saying rude things, spitting and hitting are a bit more than just dropping crumbs Springsister Hmm

Have you told her she will be going home OP due to her bad manners? I'd tell her that then phone her Mum.

Original poster
Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:42

And yes, she is prob right about the fat bum!!!Wink I do have a 2 month old dd though, but you are all right, children say what they see, fair enough!

OP posts:
TackedOff · 04/04/2013 16:42

I thought she was 13+! Its a bit wet of you to feel this strongly about a 5 year old tbh, they all do stupid things sometimes and you shouldn't take it so personally. If you really don't like her then don't invite her back. She's probably over-excited and being silly.

usualsuspect · 04/04/2013 16:42

It's fine to vent on here.

Salmotrutta · 04/04/2013 16:43

I mean about it being "easy" to deal with behaviour like that?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/04/2013 16:45

Don't put yourself through it OP...not until DC are "trained" better should they be visiting strangers anyway.

Original poster
Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:45

It wasn't just dropping crumbs, it was me asking the girls to pick up the bits the friend had dropped together, and her just saying no and laughing.

OP posts:
Remotecontrolduck · 04/04/2013 16:46

She does sound pretty irritating I have to admit. Can you tell her mum how badly behaved she was, and will she deal with it?

I wouldn't be having her back. She might be only 5 but I'd expect better than that to be honest.

PumpkinPositive · 04/04/2013 16:47

I once asked someones parent why they were so fat apparently anyway, I can't remember I was so young

Valid point. At the age of 6, I asked a neighbour whether he knew that everyone on our street hated him on account of the noise his dilapidated old wreck of a car made being revved into the road every night at 3am. I had no intention of giving offence. I thought I was doing him a favour by giving him the opportunity to mend his ways. Grin

What adults see as unpardonable rudeness in young children is often just them being honest (as they're taught to be!) without any intention of being hurtful of malicious. They just haven't learned to filter it yet.

But definitely make her clean up her mess. Smile

gabsid · 04/04/2013 16:49

My DS, now 8 used to attract DC like that. There was one boy (when they were about 5 or 6) I hated having round because he was so wild and aggressive, stomping on things and breaking them intentionally. I know because I always stayed close by, ready to intervene if he got too much. My DS found it funny - I didn't.

The boys mum was a lovely woman, I liked her, but too soft. Once I explained to her that her DS had broken a toy cassette player (cheap, from the car boot, but that's not the point) and she told me that it couldn't have been her DS because he doesn't even know what a cassette player was. I didn't say any more ..... but, you don't have to know how to use something to jump on it - I bloody watched him do it.

The boy hasen't been round since, the family has moved away and I have met mum once in a park since. I would reconsider if I was convinced that the boy had matured sufficiently that he wouldn't behave like that anymore.

TackedOff · 04/04/2013 16:49

dd3's friend (she was 6) walked in to our hallway, took one look and said 'well I am not taking my shoes off in here. Your house is filthy' Grin

ENormaSnob · 04/04/2013 16:52

I would be sending her home asap tbh.

Scholes34 · 04/04/2013 16:52

But you haven't told us, OP, do you have a fat bum?

I'd worry more if a 15 year old had told you you had a fat bum.

usualsuspect · 04/04/2013 16:53

That made me laugh, TackedOff Grin

littlemissbunny · 04/04/2013 16:53

I would be tempted to call her mum to collect her early, or if you can't do that just never invite her again.

My friend has a 5 year old and his behaviour is awful, he smacks, he spits, he's rough, I could go on! But I wouldn't ever have him round by himself, we just meet at playgyms occasionally and I keep an eye on them. His trouble is his mother sees nothing wrong with his behaviour and thinks he's just spirited! So I can understand where you are coming from.

We can't all get on with everyone amd while I wouldn't say I hate him I don't like him, and am guessing you are just saying it on here because you are frustrated?

Goldmandra · 04/04/2013 16:54

I would sit her down right now and give her a choice. Either she stops being rude and starts doing as she is asked, in which case you can all do something nice like play a game, or she can carry on being cheeky, destructive and disobedient and you will call her mum and explain why she needs to be collected early.

You are the adult here and both children need you to be in charge so take charge and let her know exactly where she stands. At the moment she has no idea what she can get away with and will keep pushing the boundaries until she finds out.

Original poster
Nicknamenotavailableeither · 04/04/2013 16:59

Yes I have Scholes....further up the thread. Indeed I do, and I admitted that she is within her rights to ask, children speak the truth after all!!

OP posts:
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