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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the speed people become experts about parenting

30 replies

Suzietwo · 04/04/2013 13:15

after the birth of their first child is annoying

they go into hospital asking which side is up and come out of hospital knowing all about latching on, teething, controlled crying and the need for no more than 2 baths p/w to stop the skin drying out. its AMAZING.

there arent many other topics people are apparently able to be experts about in such a short space of time

and isnt it strange that the level of expertise seems to diminish the more children people have...or do they just learn that there is no right answer....

OP posts:

lockets · 04/04/2013 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chockyeggpants · 04/04/2013 13:21

I like the people who don't have children themselves, but know EXACTLY how to parent.
I LOVE the people who don't have children themselves but get paid huge amounts of money to write books telling us how to parent....

Chockyeggpants · 04/04/2013 13:22

Mentioning no litigious names...

Original poster

Suzietwo · 04/04/2013 13:24

has anyone ever written a book about the negative impact of reading books about parenting? i may do it.

OP posts:

WankbadgersBreakfast · 04/04/2013 13:29

It shits me when parents of one child say 'all children do xyz.' No, shithead, your child does xyz. Mine is a proponent of pqr, and that's fine by me.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 13:33

Myleene Klass was an expert the very second sperm and egg met. I'm a mere mortal and 11 years after ds was born I'm still no expert.

lockets · 04/04/2013 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilipaddle · 04/04/2013 14:30

As soon as you have a child, you are the best person at parenting your child, but some people forget that doesn't extend to anyone elses children.

Best thing to do is just say "It's nice that worked for your DC, it's a shame children aren't all the same eh!"

TryDrawing · 04/04/2013 14:43

Childless SIL became an instant expert the minute her best friend had a child. She now regularly regales me with tales of how my parenting could be improved by adopting some of her friend's methods.

I find it hilarious, so have taken to nodding seriously and saying "tell me more about how [friend's son] only has wooden toys..."

hairtearing · 04/04/2013 15:34

Oh don't get me started on people who don't have children but know more than you, I hate the expectation in society that I am meant to smile and nod and suffer these people's ignorance and stupidity. I wouldn't start lecturing pensioners who have been married for half their lives on the secret of a goods marriage, because I know nothing!,

I think the influx of parenting reality shows has a lot to answer for these 'childless know it alls' because after a few heavily edited, staged tv shows you really must know more than an actual parent, allow me to bow down to your wisdom .

Thankfully ill be getting a cage i think...

tedmundo · 04/04/2013 15:38

Ds3 dreams of 2 baths a week, poor neglected bairn.

I am hoping he will become self cleaning like dirty hair (which is read about on here only the other day so MUST be true!)

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2013 15:44

There was a bit in a book I read about negative aspects. Particular case of Dr Spock telling everyone to put babies on their fronts to sleep. It shows how improper, non-researched advice when widely distributed can cause immense harm. Nota bene SWSNBN.

I do find it interesting that some people think they are experts in what their child does well "Timmy has always slept though, it's because we have a routine" and some people think they are experts in what their child does badly "Gertrude is a terrible fussy eater, we know everything about getting them to eat". My DD eats like a dream and won't sleep. I don't know anything about either!

Original poster

Suzietwo · 04/04/2013 15:48

ive never really come across someone who is childless putting their oar in. but in some cases, it may just be a case of them wanting to show an interest or join in the chat, partic for those who would like to have their own child.

its the new mums who need to stfu

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2013 15:50

"ive never really come across someone who is childless putting their oar in."

Gina Ford and Super Nanny?

StealthPolarBear · 04/04/2013 15:51

No in fairness I find when you become all consumed by something you do tend to learn pretty damn fast. After all if you can learn to drive a car in order to pass your test in a week I think you can learn how to parent your child to an acceptable standard within a day.

StealthPolarBear · 04/04/2013 15:52

lockets??
Are you the old lockets? I had to check the date on the OP for a second there! Have you always been around or just returned?

Original poster

Suzietwo · 04/04/2013 15:59

they dont have children? ahhh.

they do have a heap of experience tho dont they.

i dont read or watch any parenting stuff.

OP posts:

cantspel · 04/04/2013 16:03

You can better the change in the bottom of your purse that as soon as anyone posts of child related problem on here someone will pop up and say "have you read such and such book" .
Usually it is just another parenting manual that follows their own style of parenting but it would be better if it was illegal to write books about parenting styles as it just causes to much argument and stress that parents could do without.

EasilyBored · 04/04/2013 16:08

My favourite is people who don't have children, but have say a young cousin or nephew and say 'oh, x is 14 months old and will just sit patiently while we eat an 8 course dinner in a Mitchelin starred restaurant and not make a single peep. And she knows which fork to use for fish. Does your DS not do that?' as I am trying to stop DS from licking the cat. Again. I just nod and smile and say 'oh how lovely'.

The main culprit of this is now pregnant and oh how I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

hairtearing · 04/04/2013 16:10

I know what you mean OP, I have had well meaning advice off childless people, I think you can tell the difference between that and some people who can be very contemptuous, I've actually found childless worse than new mums, because they haven't experienced everything that goes with it etc, exhaustion, illness, bonding problems etc.

ToupOfRegDwight · 04/04/2013 16:15

I'm a first time mum of a 4 month old. My best friend is a first time mum of an almost two year old. She's been telling me to do CIO. No chance.

I always say if I need advice, I'll ask for it. I've not picked up a parenting book and my view is that you can only be an 'expert' on your own child, no one elses as they are all different.

Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2013 16:18

Gins Ford has children now. and been really quiet ever since. If anyone goes to any toddler groups where she goes please report back that she has crazy-not-seen-a-comb hair, snot, egg, milky vomit stains on her clothing and looks knackered

Original poster

Suzietwo · 04/04/2013 16:18

im not an expert on either of my children. not sure they are either

OP posts:

RedRidingChops · 04/04/2013 16:20

Hmm, oddly enough I know I'm no parenting expert yet I'm often treated as such- I'm a nanny, qualified maternity nurse, have worked in schools, nurseries, homes, live-in and out. Taken as hours of experience then yes I guess I do have more than a lot of parents but..... I'm really no expert! Parents say 'should x be rolling over by now?', 'how do I get Y to sleep though' and the ever popular 'is Z at the right age for their height/weight/language development/running/riding a bike/dropping a nap' etc etc but all I can say is- I don't know! All children I've looked after have hit every stage at different ages, in different order! Child 1 shuffled, then crawled for a few months, then walked. Child 2 was a late mover, but went from rolling to walking within a week. Child 3 walked at 10 months! there is no average.

Not that I don't love being asked BTW. I love talking kids. and I am currently writing a book with a friend so could be an expert I guess, if it ever gets published! Oh and I don't have kids myself.

Pancakeflipper · 04/04/2013 16:21

See I have listened to others. I don't think I know it all. There's so many ways and the one I am most familiar with is the way my mother parented - and I ain't doing that way.

So I chery pick through what suits us and try that.

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