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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be told by a friend that I should be trying instead of looking for a job!!

13 replies

aichi · 03/04/2013 22:54

I have a 2.5 year old daughter. Dh and i have been trying for another baby for awhile since I had a miscarriage last summer, no luck sofar...
I've also been looking for a job and I told this to my friend who knew I had miscarriage.
Her response was
'Oh you should be trying for another baby rather than look for a job!!'
I wasn't quiet sure how to respond to it so I left the whole subject and spoke about something else. I felt really uncomfortable with her comment.

I was really upset and angry deep inside when she said that to me. She has 2kids and she sometimes makes comments as if she's superior than me, she's got one day a week job and two kids living in a posher area etc.

I fell out with her 4 years ago because of her nasty comment but we somehow reconciled about a year ago...but I knew I couldn't trust her fully.

What would you do with a friend like her??

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 03/04/2013 22:57

She sounds like kind of an idiot.

Looking for a job and trying for a baby are not mutually exclusive.

LimeFlower · 03/04/2013 22:59

Dump her.
Friend shouldn't behave this way.
Find some people who don't belittle you and enjoy their company.

porridgewithblueberries · 03/04/2013 23:01

Hmm I don't understand - it sounds to me like "Oh hey you have enough on your plate - try for a baby, never mind the job for now!"

Or have I misunderstood!?

olivertheoctopus · 03/04/2013 23:09

She sounds like an insensitive cow. I would keep your distance esp as she has history of being a bitch.

lonahjomu · 03/04/2013 23:13

If you have the history you do then I don't know why you are still friends. Without that history I think you have misinterpreted her meanings and I agree with porridge.

Looking for a job and trying for a baby don't Normally go together?

Misty9 · 03/04/2013 23:45

I'm looking for work and can't find anything - so we may try for baby no.2 instead....that was the way I interpreted what your friend said too?

But if she's got a habit of saying horrible things and you don't really trust her then I'd maybe reduce contact, especially when you're feeling vulnerable. Good luck with ttc x

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 03/04/2013 23:48

You have basically said in your op that you feel bad due to her comments and previously fell out with her. Just stop spending tie with her. Life is too short. Just avoid.

Original poster
aichi · 04/04/2013 09:10

Thanks everyone. She basically said that I should concentrate on getting pregnant rather than looking for a job - as if getting pregnant was so easy as filling a job application!
It is totally different thing and one is v personal and is a sensitive issue esp i had a miscarriage and I can't seem to get pregnant easily.

Her mums dying so I felt sorry for her and to give her some support but to be honest that's not my problem and if she wants a friend she should be supportive rather than putting me down.

Yep life too short, I'll move on...

OP posts:
Original poster
aichi · 04/04/2013 09:32

Maybe I should explain how te conversation started...
My daughter was offered a nursery place 5 half days a week (council run so much cheaper than private ones) so I told her whether or not to take te place (since its been a year since I applied and situations have changed)
Her response was, what will you do? You have NOTHING to do if she went to nursery? she doesn't need to go to the nursery.

Her comment really annoyed her as I'm doing my job applications whenever I can and not like sit at home watching tv. Please don't get me wrong but I do quiet a lot of things with my daughter during te day and I enjoy it but I also want to get back to work, both financial side and mental reasons.

Then I told her that it'll give me time to do some applications during the time she's at nursery since she didn't seen to know that I'm actively looking for a job. Then she said
Oh you should be trying to
Conceive rather than looking for a job!

It's really none of her business and I guess her presumption of me nothing on in my life really annoyed me.
I always thought she's competing with me on things and didn't really show much friendship support. I knew she hasnt changed ans i should've trusted my instinct not to get back with her!

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 04/04/2013 09:55

She sounds awful. Trying to undermine you whatever you say and being nastily insensitive.

Get rid!

Snoopingforsoup · 04/04/2013 10:00

Keep your distance.
Some people don't think about what they're saying but she sounds a pain in the arse generally.

quesadilla · 04/04/2013 11:05

It's none of her bloody business. Also don't understand why ttc and job hunting are mutually exclusive. Assuming you are not applying for super high pressure roles I don't see any contradiction. She sounds insensitive and a busybody.

Original poster
aichi · 04/04/2013 20:51

Thanks everyone, you've all made me feel better now!
I thought I was been over sensitive but writing to the Mumsnet and hearing your thoughts cleared up some doubts ab I had.
Thanks again : )

OP posts:
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