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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want my ex to move his girlfriend into his house

100 replies

chickensaladagain · 03/04/2013 22:37

ok ok, I know technically it's nothing to do with me but....

ExP has been with his girlfriend for 6 months, 3 months of which she has been in hospital being treated for bi-polar

her dd doesn't live with her, she lives with her grandparents and I'm not sure what sort of access she has

ExP wants to move her in to his house so he can look after her and help her

he has been treated for bi-polar in the past but has been stable and off meds for the last 5 years

he has our dcs every other weekend

this set up makes me very very nervous

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 00:40

Obviously.

Have you been beamed right out of a BNP meeting or something?

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 04/04/2013 00:43

Village what are you trying to prove here? I agree that OP is not BU. the girlfs mental issues are a concern in so far as it is understsndale that OP wants to be sure her children are safe. You however are simply being abusive and rude on this thread.make your point without upsetting people.

waltermittymissus · 04/04/2013 00:44

I don't think YABU at all.

I would be very frank with ex about my concerns. After all, they are his children too!

Tell him that you're not willing to just hand them over if he is not willing to talk everything through with you so you at least know what's going on.

village your posts are disgusting.

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 00:53

And just to come back to this particular delight: "Its because of stupid attitudes like yours that now days the health authorities pussyfoot around people with mental issues and they end up harming themselves or sometimes those around them."

You would know if you read anything other than the Daily Mail that this is utter bollocks. Seeing as around a quarter of the populous will struggle with mental ill heath at some point in their lives, it doesn't really make sense, does it?

By the way - wanting to be treated with respect is not a 'stupid attitude'.

Again, go and educate yourself.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 04/04/2013 00:55

Op i can understand your concerns but i think you have to let your ex get on with his life and do what you can to make sure the childrem are ok so phone access at all times and communicate with them so they know they have your support and cam.talk to you.

Are there any.charities that offer support/advice to children whose parents have mh issues?

village your posts are vile, just utterly vile.

villagebird · 04/04/2013 00:59

Ok what have I actually done wrong here. What have I actually said that has been abusive and disgusting. I have agreed with the OP from the very begining.

The only person on here that has caused any issues is Sirboobalot. All because i used the word 'lunatic'. He even used the letter 'R' for retarded. My god what is wrong with you people. And what is all this about BNP Meeting. What is wrong with the word LUNATIC which is in the english dictionary. Unbelievable. Where are you all actually from. Strange people.

villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:02

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SolidGoldBrass · 04/04/2013 01:05

FFS sometimes people who are mentally unwell behave in ways which mean they shouldn't be around children if it's avoidable. It's not necessarily the ill person's fault but if s/he is in a state where s/he is hearing voices and screaming in fright/running around waving a weapon/crying all the time and insisting the world is going to end any minute then it is ridiculous to expect DC to have to put up with that. If someone is physically very ill eg projectile vomiting or covered with oozing sores or having convulsions, you wouldn't expect to leave small DC in their care until they are feeling better.

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 01:06

I'm guessing you're pretty new around here, as not using the R word - or the other, similar word beginning with an S - is not okay. Mainly because we're civilized.

You are continuing to show your complete lack of social understanding here.

It's not about whether you agreed with the OP, it's to do with the wording you have used, along with your delightful personal attacks against me.

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 01:09

And your post with reference to stabbing a family member makes NO sense.

wannaBe · 04/04/2013 01:10

it is ridiculous to suggest that any kind of mh issue should be just ignored as if it doesn't exist, in the name of political correctness.

It is a fact that people with MH issues do harm themselves and others. No, not all do, but reality is that you don't know that if you don't know the individual concerned. "I know someone with BP who has negatively impacted those in his/her life," is no more generalising than "I have a friend with bp who I would trust implicitly with my children."

This woman has been hospitalised for an extended period, I know enough about mh to know that this doesn't happen lightly. She also does not have residence of her own child. It is not unreasonablle to wonder how this fact will impact on the op's own children or on their father who has mh issues of his own which are now under control. That is not mh bashing it's recognising that every person with a mental illness is an indiviidual and should be seen as such, and recognising that sometimes there is just cause for concern.

I have a friend who has bipolar and she frequently spends extended periods of time in hospital. I know without reservation that she would never be of any harm to her child. However I also know that her child was saying that "I think mummy needs to go to hospital again," when she was just seven years old Sad and that no child shouldhave to be that aware at that young an age. Anyone who thinks this doesn't negatively impact on children is naive or willfully blind.

SneezingwakestheJesus · 04/04/2013 01:13

Village has to have hairy hands. Surely no one can be this vile again and again after they have been told it is offending people?!

thezebrawearspurple · 04/04/2013 01:14

Everything SGB said plus I'd be concerned that she didn't want to meet you because she has 'jealousy issues'Hmm

villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:15

Propertynightmmare. Fair enough. Ive been bashed on here massively because the PC Brigade dont think right I used the word lunatic. And Chickensaladagain i was giving an example. Jesus Christ what is wrong with you lot. Did you know in the 1970's it was normal to call certain people with certain disabilities retarded, spastic etc It was the medical terms used. No they are not used now. But Sirbooalot I typed those words as an example. How shameful of me. What is your problem all of you.

villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:16

thezebrawearspurple. Please Please tell me what is offensive. Is it the word lunatic. Because that is what got sirboobalot going mad.

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 01:18

Well, love, it's 2013, not the 1970s. Refresh your vocabulary.

It's always almost laughable when someone is so horribly repulsive, and they then do the whole ''PC Brigade'', ''What's wrong with you'', type bullshit.

Machli · 04/04/2013 01:18

I don't believe that there is anyone that wouldn't be concerned by this in some way if not the bi polar then the fact that the GF's child does not live with her.

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 01:20

Your use of the word lunatic pissed me off. Your pretense to understanding mental illness when you clearly know nothing was more irksome yet.

You then followed it with a delightful tirade of other offensive words, summing up with a wonderful note of ''Yeah well I'm un-PC, go deal with it''.

Machli · 04/04/2013 01:22

village you are justifying use of those words because they USED to be in common parlance. When someone pointed out that it was unacceptable you launched into a rent about being overly PC.

That's what's wrong with people on here. The fact that you need that explaining to you makes me feel really sad.

villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:24

CHICKENSALAD AGAIN cannot believe you posted this to what I wrote. Which was so totally not offensive. I was explaining something. You must be very easily offended.

Omg village

Did you seriously just post that?

You cannot use words like that, it's not about being pc, it's about having an ounce of humanity!

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 04/04/2013 01:25

As her child is living with her parents? Does she have their support? I would hope she is getting support now out of hospital from crisis team etc. But ultimately op has no right to know these details.

You say your ex is well and has been for a number of yrs? Do you trust his judgment that she is ok and that he wont allow anything to upset the children. Can the girlfriemd stay woth a friend when he has the children?

SirBoobAlot · 04/04/2013 01:27

It was incredibly offensive.

I really hope that you are now protesting because you feel you need to save face, not because you sincerely believe you are in the right.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 04/04/2013 01:28

Have I time warped back to before I was even born?!

Last time I looked, it was unacceptable to use ALL those vile words in a certain poster's post.

And I used to live near Warley too - and THAT'S what my friends and I, growing up in the area in the early 90's, called it - just WARLEY.

???

Why does it need anything added to that? The place was called Warley.

I can't understand if you are hairy of hand or if you have heard the wrong directions to the BNP meeting?!

villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:30

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villagebird · 04/04/2013 01:31

OK to recap on what started this awful debate. I used the word LUNATIC. Thats what started it off. Yes Machli those other words did used to be common place. If you read my post you would see that I said that. I never called anyone those words. I have been made to feel like shite by some bunch of what I can only imagine - apologies if you are not - Leftie Lunatics that have spent too much time studying the PC Bible. Goodnight and fuck the lot of you

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