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Original poster

to think I may have the worst child ever,(potty training horror stories needed)

59 replies

hairtearing · 02/04/2013 17:26

I feel guilty even as I write that,
but atm I am toilet training, (3.6) its very now or never I KNEW as long as nappies were an alt. he never would so I got rid completely.
he got as far as weeing on a potty, he is scared of the toilet, he won't pull his pants down as its too 'cold' , and won't poo in the potty.
we never got any further and regression has set it and his behavior has nosedived at nursery.
Not wee'd on the potty once today :/
I feel so helpless even considered getting some anti-d's to keep my head above water, if its not his behaviour its other peoples 'helpful' comments, I have a newborn to contend with too :/.
Its such a severe case of not wanting train, I really can't go back to nappies, its been over a month and it will mean he has 'won' in his eyes, but I need another alternative.

OP posts:
DIYapprentice · 02/04/2013 19:18

Why are you potty training now? I've bitten the bullet with DS2 and have forced the issue, but he is starting school in September so I didn't feel I had a choice - starts school just after he turns 4. Fortunately it's progressing - not brilliantly, but not tooo badly. I wanted to give him a chance to learn to go to the potty at nursery so that he is more accustomed to going in a school like environment.

monkeysbignuts · 02/04/2013 19:21

I waited till my daughter was 8 weeks old before attempting to train my son. Maybe he's reacting to the new baby by wanting to be in nappies himself?

monkeysbignuts · 02/04/2013 19:23

Just a thought but have you considered pull ups?

Watto1 · 02/04/2013 19:30

DD is 4.5 and still has toilet troubles. She will go for weeks with no accidents and then suddenly will decide she can't be bothered to go upstairs to the loo and just wees in her pants for a week. When I ask her why she is weeing in her pants, she just says, "Because I want to." I could scream. I console myself with the thought that 'this will pass.'

yomellamoHelly · 02/04/2013 19:33

My eldest was 3.10 and it was really straightforward. My youngest is 3.11 and have just started process. Again going well so far. Who cares what others think. You'll know when they're ready. In your situation would have a break for a while I think.

Maryshoppins · 02/04/2013 19:33

Hi , I have no advice for you, but I do sympathise! I am in exactly the same position with my (3.7yr old!). I'm panicking as he starts reception in September. He is terrified of his nappy off and will not wear pants! I've been potty training children for years as my profession, and also my older children. So I'd say I've tried absolutely every trick in the book.... Good luck op!

I will keep my eye on this thread!

Scrubber · 02/04/2013 19:36

Ds is 5. Still won't poo in the loo. I have to catch it on tissue. Do I win a prize?

BeyondTheLimitsOfEgceptability · 02/04/2013 19:43

Re pull ups vs nappies, my DS1 would wee himself in a nappy but not a pull up as he viewed them as pants..?

Horror story - in shower with DS, he shouts I need a poo and jumps out. Good boy I think, and carry on showering. Except he's gone and pooed on his bedroom floor!! God knows why?!

JackieTheFart · 02/04/2013 19:44

I could cry reading these stories. Cry with relief that is!

I have four year twin boys - four in January. We started potty training when they were 2 and a half - they weed everywhere on the first day so we abandoned it. We started again at 2 weeks past three, and they were great. Weeing in the potty, pooing ok too. They were in nursery then, and although they had a few accidents, it really wasn't many.

Don't know what happened, but after about 6 months, they both started to regress. Started pooing in their pants all the time. We'd ask them countless times if they needed to go - they would poo while we asked! If we dragged them there and made them sit till they went, they'd hold it in. Seriously, DTS1 fell asleep on the potty once he'd been on there so long.

We tried sticker charts (which worked for a month), little prizes, promises of more sweeties etc - nothing worked. They still have the odd poo issue, but they wear nappies at night still, so if they need to go, they will go in those Sad Thankfully not as often.

They are however, very lazy, and although the poo situation is much better, now they are weeing themselves daily. If we don't drag them to the toilet they won't go. We have a 17 month old as well so sometimes it's not easy!

My mum likes to make helpful comments like, 'I wonder why they do it?'. Well, I don't fucking know mum, they are little boys and it obviously doesn't bother them. I don't know why!

Phew, feels better to write it all down! I did a few months ago as well, as I totally lost my shit with them when they both pooed themselves more than one occasion on the same day.

CelticPromise · 02/04/2013 19:45

I have no answers just offering solidarity... I am trying with my DS (3.7) because we have the Easter break from nursery and he may have to go to school this year (he's August born and was three months prem so I'm hoping he'll be able to wait a year). I'm doing sticker rewards and in three days there is one solitary sticker on the chart. And that was a benefit of the doubt momentConfused

I'm getting nowhere... he just doesn't want to do it. He'll sit on the toilet then get off and wee in his pants.

This thread is a breath of fresh air though, I was on a recent one where a couple of posters thought it was down to lazy parenting if children were not trained by three!

and Wine

defineme · 02/04/2013 19:48

I can absolutely promise you that you will look back and think why didn't I just stop for a bit...
I have had 3 and all were different.
Ds1 has asd and was eating his own poo at that age -he doesn't anymore Smile

ibbydibby · 02/04/2013 19:50

OP I was you 13 years ago....no helpful tips, but made myself extremely miserable - DS1 was oldest of our little group of babies, last to be still in nappies. Started off whle days at home, no joy, then ended up putting nappy back on, taking him out in buggy, me sobbing, day after day after day.....

Then had break from it, tried again, still tricky, but turning point was a family wedding in Sweden. DH decided that DS1 would wear pul-ups for journey, but in pants after that. Sheer nosiness of DS1 meant that he loved going in loads of different loos, so cracked it this way I think. That was just for wee though - took till he was 6 to do poo on the loo. Instead of in pull-ups at night.

DS2 much easier, partly because I was far less stressed.

Please don't be hard on yourself!

HappyDogRedDogToss · 02/04/2013 19:51

Bingdweller I have to ask - did they scan it whilst full?

BooCanary · 02/04/2013 19:52

Having a newborn and trying to potty train is not a good plan.
My DD was fully potty trained (no accidents, nothing) for about 3m before DS was born. Within 2 weeks of his birth, she was weeing all over the place, several times a day. Its an unsettling time, I'd wait if I were you.

I had several aborted attempts with DS and the potty. A few months before he started preschool (they delay start if not potty trained - unless due to specific medical condition), after showing no interest at all, he just cracked it in a day! The kid has a bladder of steel in the day (unfortunately not the night) and has NEVER had an accident.

Don't lose the faith - he just isn't ready yet.

missmapp · 02/04/2013 19:52

ds2 used to look me steaight in the eye, squat , smile and wee --- RIGHT NEXT TO THE POTTY!!

In the end , I ignored, ignored, ignored- eventually he gave in and trained normally.

It is hard.
Ignore others comments- no-one has ever trained your ds before- he is unique!

Bingdweller · 02/04/2013 20:01

Happydog Yeah, it was scanned whilst still steaming..... Only joking, I stashed it under the buggy, killed the offending shite with a ton of wipes and made DH go and 'fess up to the assistant whilst I beat a hasty retreat.

I believe a pristine potty was scanned Blush

xigris · 02/04/2013 20:02

YOU ARE NOT ALONE dear OP!! DS1 - potty trained at 2.6, no accidents, nothing. Literally from nappies to pants in 2 days. DS2 is 3.5 and a total nightmare. He's bloody stubborn and basically can't be arsed. He's very eloquent and his nursery say he's rather advanced but as for potty training? No, not happening. I too have a new baby so it's all great fun Hmm. I agree with a previous poster who said that bribing may help. Sticker charts worked with my first but leave DS2 cold. One thing I will say is that don't think you've 'lost a battle' if you go back to pull ups. It's seriously not worth getting stressed over. Unless there are real reasons he will get there. Thanks

Bingdweller · 02/04/2013 20:04

OP, I should add we had several attempts at toilet training with DS. Definitely not plain sailing in this household either. Once, he held a poo in so long that when he eventually went, we had to get a stick from the garden to chop it up as it wouldn't flush away in a oner.....

Toilet training can be grim. Unfortunately it is dictated by the toddler despite our best efforts!

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 02/04/2013 20:10

This just sounds utterly horrible for both of you Sad - stop for a while before it becomes impossible and try to have a few months calm before trying again. Give him a hug too, make you both feel better, I bet he can feel how stressed you are which will make it worrying for him.

Frawli · 02/04/2013 20:18

I think if he's not ready there isn't much point training him now, you will just make life harder for you all. I pushed training DS before he was ready (was physically ready but not interested) but I was lucky in that he was quite easygoing so he didn't fight me on it but even then the best we could manage was him going on command so I would ask him to have a wee or a poo and he'd do it, if I didn't ask him to go in time he would wee or poo himself. It was literally about 6-9 months before he'd go of his own accord. DD I trained at a younger age in two weeks because she was more interested in succeeding, and being a 'big' girl etc etc.

It's definitely a bad time with a new baby too, he probably sees all the attention the baby gets. I'm sure you're talking up how he is a big boy and he can do things for himself while the baby needs lots of help etc, but if the baby is still quite new it might take a while for him to see that being big is good too.

Re. the toilet thing, I have a lot of sympathy with that because I was scared of toilets when I was little, I thought a monster lived down there! And even now if a toilet is smelly or I don't like it I won't go on it, although I am very brave these days! Have you tried any books to help with overcoming the toilet thing? We had Pirate Pete's potty which my kids liked. Could you get him to flush after you use the toilet?

If your DS is a big boy I have heard that some people suggest going to stand up wees quite quickly, you can float a cheerio cereal in there for him to aim at, or if you put a drop of blue food colouring in there he could try and pee to change the colour of the water. All this is supposed to making using the toilet more fun.

One thing that worked well for us is when we were trying to get DS to poo on the potty/toilet is the story of Poo going to Pooland. I heard about it on here. Basically you tell your child that the poo needs to get to pooland to his poo friends and the only way he can get there is to go via the magical gateway (toilet). If poo is done in a nappy he can't get there, because he goes in the bin, but if it's a potty or toilet then you can both flush him away together saying 'bye poo!' and cheering!

June2008 · 02/04/2013 20:35

We have just gone through potty training (at the second attempt). First was a complete disaster as the second day it snowed and just couldn't put dd2 through being wet on the outside and wet on the inside too!

So the second attempt. Like with most second children life has to go on and we still needed to do the school run for dd1. I can promise you, a steaming wet bottom in the school playground is not a good look! Dd2 was standing there with feet wide apart saying mummy I need new pants while her leggings were literally steaming! I guess that's one of the pitfalls of potty training in February.

If that wasn't bad enough, she did exactly the same thing the next morning too! By the second afternoon I was wise to it and made her sit on the potty in the boot of the car - not something you would expect to see on the way into school to pick up your children, but needs must!

I echo what lots of the others have said - just wait until your ds is showing more signs of being ready. With a young baby as well you really need your older one to be on side with it. I do remember those days and it was hard, what spurred me on to potty train dd1 was changing 17 nappies in one day. My hands were raw from all the hand washing. Good luck hairtearing

Fudgemallowdelight · 02/04/2013 20:53

I had failed attempts with both of my children, but i think when it is not working it is best to go back to pull ups and then try again in a couple of months. It's stressful for them when there is a newborn in the house anyway.

Fudgemallowdelight · 02/04/2013 20:55

I used this Mumsnet method with my second dd in our second attempt and wished i had done it from the outset with both daughters as it worked really well.

glenthebattleostrich · 02/04/2013 21:42

I thought I was parent of the year for the first two weeks of potty training. DD asked to go into pants around her 2nd birthday, no accidents for the first 2 weeks and a very smug mummy who bragged about how easy potty training was until the soft play incident.

We were out for the day and rounded it off with a visit to soft play. This place had a marvelous slide that all the kids wanted to play on. I was at the bottom to catch DD (she can be a bit of a nervous nelly on slides) when DD shouted that she needed a poo. She started down the slide and farted. Then was followed down the slide by a long brown streak. She was quickly followed by another child who slid through the long brown streak.

In all 3 children went home with DD's poo in her hair and very pissed off parents. DD thought it was hilarious and spent the next 6 weeks finding bizzare and / or embarrasing places to shit in including but not limited to my friends husbands shoe, under a table in the sure start centre and in the middle of the local co-op, right by the cakes.

Give your DS a break from the training, try Pirate Pete's potty training book (www.amazon.co.uk/Pirate-Petes-Potty-Ladybird-training/dp/1409302202/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1364935312&sr=1-2) and then give it another go in a few weeks.

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