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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my son two birthdays?

78 replies

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 02/04/2013 12:15

My son was born on Christmas Day :) was lovely and special for us and our families, but I do feel sorry for the little bugger as he won't ever have a party on his actual birthday with school friends when he's older. Plus he will probably only get one present a year from people.

Me and dh were discussing giving him another birthday in June so he can have a party and presents etc but we would still do something as a family for him on Christmas Day. Would this be doable?

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 02/04/2013 13:01

I think it's a good idea to have birthday time on Xmas day, but it doesn't get over the problem of a birthday, party for friends.

My DD's birthday is 23rd Dec and we used to have her party's usually on the last day of term so all her school friends were around. Sometimes though she wanted to do things like camping parties or a visit to the local theme park. Those years we did the party sometime in June. So I'd say you can establish traditions for DS, but as he gets older he will have a few ideas as well.

I will say I always found it a magical time for dd to have her birthday. I think she was 4 when she asked if all the Xmas lights in our local town were for her birthdaySmile

Maggie111 · 02/04/2013 13:02

My birthday was in the middle of the summer and friends were always away etc. On the last day of school term I always had a sleepover. I certainly didn't have "two birthdays" - I'm not sure that really works but it could be fun to do his birthday party last day of school or the next Saturday.

QuickLookBusy · 02/04/2013 13:02

Sorry for typos!

nalubeadsgirl · 02/04/2013 13:03

Do it! move it.

StanleyLambchop · 02/04/2013 13:09

Also, my dc's have bee invited to parties for children with Christmas birthdays, often on the last Saturday before Christmas. They are always packed, parents are mostly keen for a couple of hours of extra child-free shopping time, so they love a party to drop them off at. So if you moved his party to the week before Christmas he could still celebrate with his friends, but keep his actual birthday for family.

iwouldgoouttonight · 02/04/2013 13:11

Yes I'd move his birthday if I were you. I was a Christmas baby and I remember begging my mum to let me have my birthday in the summer and ignore the Christmas one but she was having none of it!

I feel as though I've missed out on having a special day for me. I often get joint presents too [feels sorry for self] [bugrin]

sashh · 02/04/2013 13:16

Swap it with someone in your family. Or swap it with me if you like.

EasilyBored · 02/04/2013 13:26

Ds is a Christmas Day baby. This year was his first birthday, we did Christmas in the morning and birthday in the afternoon. He is still too little to care, but when he's older we will probably do a birthday party at the beginning of December. Maybe I'm just a grabby cow, but I would be pissed off if people always did just one present every year. Just because Christmas and birthday are the same day doesn't mean he shouldn't get to have both recognised. So far family in particular all seem to be very against the idea of a joint present too. Inlaws want to get him a summer present too, which is up to them, and maybe at some point we would do a summer party if he wanted, but I wouldn't expect gifts or cards or anything. If your LO wanted a summer party, or you wanted to split some of his gifts throughout the year I think that's fine.

The only negative comment we have had about the whole Christmas/birthday thing is from my dad, who asked if my sister and I would please stop having babies at Christmas (she has two December borns also) as it was getting a bit expensive. And then my husband's brother and his wife went and had their baby in December too! Christmas is a busy time in the easily 5madeggs family!

ToysRLuv · 02/04/2013 14:25

This might be a bit irrational, but I would think a date far removed from the actual birthday would be just weird and very artificial (or even tactical and grabby, to maximise fuss and gifts) I would throw a party for friends sometime in earlyish or mid January.

HappyAsASandboy · 02/04/2013 14:31

I used to date a guy who's birthday was Christmas Day.

His mum decided when he was little that he should have a birthday separate to Christmas, so she designated the Saint's day of his name.

Obviously only works if you have a Peter, John, James, Patrick (that could be fun when he's a teenager!) etc, bits its a nice idea and it is easy for people to remember rather than just a random day :)

iseenodust · 02/04/2013 14:35

My mum is a Boxing Day birthday and even now she will tell anyone she only ever got one present from people to cover both events. Her mum did her a June party one year and she still says it was the best one. DS is late August birthday which often coincides with the bank holiday so no-one available. He usually dishes out invitations when back at school and has a party mid-Sept.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 02/04/2013 14:38

My partner was born on Christmas Day.

We do celebrate on the day itself. I don't think a second birthday was ever mentioned for him, but through school, college and university, his birthday events were always towards the last day of term. That worked well - it was an extra thing to look forward too, and it was as close to his birthday as we could get conveniently.

I do think a random birthday in the Summer is odd, but celebrating earlier in December so his friends can be involved would be normal, and probably expected as standard.

usualsuspect · 02/04/2013 14:40

I would just have a summer bbq or party and invite some of his school friends. I wouldn't call it a birthday party though, or expect presents.

BooCanary · 02/04/2013 14:41

My friends ds was born on Xmas day.
He has a party before school finishes (so normally mid Dec) and whatever day the party is on becomes his official birthday.

It seems to work very well.

Snowgirl1 · 02/04/2013 14:44

Our DD was born on the 29th and I plan to have a summer 'birthday' party for her. I was a bit worried that it might look at bit odd but then someone pointed out that by the time DD is at school the only way the other kids you'd invite will know when it's her birthday is when you send a birthday invitation. So family birthday on her birthday and a birthday with friends in the summer. I like the idea of having it on 29th June and calling it her half-birthday.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 02/04/2013 14:55

How is it grabby to want my ds to have what every other child has - a party?! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 02/04/2013 14:55

The Saints idea is lovely, his middle name is James so could work. Thank for replies :)

OP posts:
Mutley77 · 02/04/2013 15:01

My DD (now aged 8) has a Christmas Day birthday and she was also my PFB - although now I have another (plus another on the way) and my sister also has kids so DD's birthday has to fit in to some degree with what the other children should have / want for their Christmas.

We have never seen it as a major issue - DD and the whole family see it as really special that she was born on Christmas Day and it is presented to her and everyone as a positive thing. (I hate it when people go - "oh no how awful" and would prevent her hearing such a thing at all costs).

Basically on the day she and DS have their stockings on first waking, then we do DD's birthday presents and happy birthdays etc. The day is largely then about Christmas for everyone else but we always have a birthday cake after lunch and put up all her cards etc.

In terms of a party - I have always done it mid Jan when everyone is a bit bored/down in the dumps and looking for something to do and it always works really well with a full turn out. I have always thought doing a party in December would be risky on account of all the Christmas hype and things going on. I find that this makes sure she gets her own celebration but it is near to her birthday, rather than totally separate as the summer one would be.

DH and I also buy DD a birthday present in summer (around the time of her half birthday) - we make it a big present and is partly to spread expense and partly to make her feel special throughout the year as otherwise all presents obviously come together. Past presents have included a bike, a playhouse, a desk (last year). It is recognised and marked as a birthday present but we don't have a celebration as such.

BikeRunSki · 02/04/2013 15:11

My mother and her brother's birthdays are shortly after Christmas, 2 days apart. My granny used to have their birthdays on the same dates in March. Mum was 8 when she realised that she was older than she was! She still goes on about it now in her 70s (although that didn't stop her always tagging my early-November birthday onto a firework display).

ToysRLuv · 02/04/2013 15:12

Girl: My issue is with waiting half a year to have it. Why not have the birthday party at most a month earlier or later than the actual birthday? Otherwise, why not just let everyone choose their own birthdays and scrub the official ones (especially any December and January ones)? Why are summer birthdays preferable? Is it because they are in the middle of a period in time when there aren't any other parties/national holidays around to take away from the attention to your dc? Ok, if so, but be honest about it. If it's about having a nice outdoor party in warm, hopefully not pissing down, weather, have one. But why not a generic one in addition to the birthday party? By all means do whatever you like, but I would be a bit Hmm.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 02/04/2013 15:20

I guess I was thinking about a spring /summer one because it would spread things out a bit for him and for others, plus his friends will be available. Nice weather would be a bonus but its rained on my birthday in June nearly every year for ages now!

Hearing other experiences, I'm thinking doing a party in January or early December might be better, as its closer to real birthday, and then doing special birthday celebrations during Christmas Day too.

Thanks for replies, it's really helped and hasn't made me feel bad for my ds. Thankfully I haven't had many 'oh no, how awful!''s from people, most love it and think its so special, as do all my family.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 02/04/2013 15:20

Friends of mine have Fake Birthday for their DD, thats when she has her party with friends and her actual birthday is a quiet affair at home with GPs in attendance. I think as long as DS understands that officialy his DOB is December 25 once he's older then go for it. I always hated having an early Jan birthday because everyone else CBA so soon after Christmas.

An alternative is to down play Christmas and big up DS's birthday. Another friend was born Dec 26 and her DM made a point of having whatever for dinner on the 25, no company, only small gifts etc and saving all the fancy food and fuss for DF's birthday party the next day.

She had a genuine attitude of - Christmas? pah, tomorrow is DD's birthday

Areyoumadorisitme · 02/04/2013 15:25

DS1 is two days before Xmas and people have suggested a summer party to us but I think it'd be rather strange. What are you celebrating?, a false half birthday not an actual event surely?

DS is 12 now and has not received a single joint birthday and christmas present yet!

I like mushroom's idea of a separate birthday time on the day.

As for party both my DC rarely get the party actually on their birthday. For DS1 we often do the first Saturday of the school holidays before people have started to go away, that seems to work best.

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 02/04/2013 15:25

That's lovely Bell

I guess after the presents and lunch is done we could turn it into birthday mode as he was born around 6pm

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jamdonut · 02/04/2013 15:27

My daughter's birthday is 2nd January,therefore always in school holidays. But she loves her winter birthday,and although I don't do parties, she has always had a friend or two around for tea,but usually a couple of days later, or, she waits till they go back to school and then decides what she wants to do.

This year was her 16th birthday. She organised a big group of close friends going out for dinner a week after her birthday, so that Christmas and New Year were out of the way. Her choice.

I don't believe my children have suffered for not having parties. And it never stopped them being invited to other people's.

I must be an awful Mum. I absolutely hate the idea of spending loads of money on huge children's parties. What is wrong with a couple of special friends to tea or to the pictures or something?