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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel that couples who bicker in company are tedious.

43 replies

lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:00

You know the ones; think they are cute bitching back and forward at each other. Tell people "it's just our way, we love each other really". Meanwhile, everyone else has to witness their endless power matches and one upmanship and anything like a normal conversation is impossible. Depending on how much drink is taken things get out of hand. I hate it

Don't mind me, had the in laws this weekend and this is how they operate. At one point I was stood between the two of them, trying to get an answer as to whether or not they wanted tea but became the net in a game of "what happened in that film last night"? "That wasn't it, you fool. Blah blha wha haaha dhghuien". they let me stand there with me gob swinging but they would not stop. So I fucking walked off for a fag instead. They were still at it when I got back in.

TEDIOUS. So why do some people think it is alright? Any answers for me

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Pagwatch · 01/04/2013 18:04

No answers except yes, it is fucking tedious.
I had a lovely friend who I spent loads of time with. Alone she was witty, engaging, interesting, a great bundle of generous spirited humour. The minute her DH arrived it was snip, spit,spite dig.
Awful.

HoneyStepMummy · 01/04/2013 18:04

YANBU. It is tedious. It's also rude, inconsiderate, and makes other people uncomfortable.
People do it because that's how they talk to each other at home too. Then they pretend they're "joking" and it's soooo funny and cute "ha ha ha!". But it's not.

DioneTheDiabolist · 01/04/2013 18:06

YANBU, if couples insist on bickering in company they should at least make it entertaining.Grin

hedgefund · 01/04/2013 18:07

like john and mary from father ted?

muminthecity · 01/04/2013 18:09

YANBU. This pisses me right off. I went out with my Dsis and her DP a few weeks ago, it was a night I'd been looking forward to for ages, booked tickets months before etc. They had a row and were both moody gits all night, sniping and bickering one minute, ignoring each other the next. Horrible atmosphere, ruined my night completely, I was so annoyed. Selfish bastards.

(To be fair this isn't normal behaviour for them, they usually get on well and can be a right laugh at times.)

YouTheCat · 01/04/2013 18:09

Aw I like John and Mary and how they keep on with the whole 'trying to kill each other' thing.

But they don't do it infront of anyone else. People who do are incredibly bad-mannered. I don't care if they say it's just their way. They can bugger off and snipe behind closed doors.

Mrsrobertduvall · 01/04/2013 18:10

PIL were like this all the time.
Embarrassing.
We stopped visiting eventually ( thank god)

Sianilaa · 01/04/2013 18:11

My last relationship was like that - because actually we didn't like each other much at all! Took me a while to realise it though... So yes couples like this are tedious and ruin the atmosphere for others. But perhaps they're extremely unhappy?!

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:13

Yes John and Mary....divine pair of fools.
THe in laws are the worst at it, and I have given up trying to distract them sufficiently to be able to conduct a conversation that is above the weapons grade venom that they slosh about in.

But they fucking go on about TEENY TINY things.... on and on. Next week we are supposed to be visiting friends of DH. They do this. I have had enough. I am witholding my company. THey behave so badly and in front of the kdis. She is downright outrageous to him and I squirm for him. I am glad i am not th eonly one who thinks it is bad mannered

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Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:15

Sianilaa how can anyone even exist in that atmoshphere? For the PILS this is both their second marriages and they have been pissing and bitching at each other for 20 years +. She will slip me a sly wink as if to say "what fun" and I just cannot understand it.

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WillYouDoTheFandango · 01/04/2013 18:15

YANBU, how anyone can live like this is beyond me.

DP and I went on holiday with a couple like this. When spending the odd day with them you don't really notice it, after 2 weeks in a villa in Florida with only 1 car it was excruciating! Snipe, snipe, snipe. At one point they didn't speak for 3 days, I've never plastered on so many smiles and made as much inane small talk in my life.

LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 01/04/2013 18:18

I must admit I used to do this with my ex.
I don't even think we even realised we were doing it and it wasn't till we separated I saw how awful we were Blush

YouTheCat · 01/04/2013 18:19

I would have just told the pair of them to grow the fuck up.

anonymosity · 01/04/2013 18:19

YANBU. Its awful. I know a couple with two delightful DDs who we just can't meet up with anymore because its so awkward and I am always embarrassed / pretending not to notice.

god knows what effect it has on the kids, too...

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:20

I couldn't even drink?!?!? Sober I had to sit through it. We had two days of them though I got out of the trip to Kew Gardens. When they got back there was a long debate about which palace they went into and was there a kitchen there or was it the other one....no it wasn't , yes it was ye fool.
Bang head on table. v

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LadyBeaEGGleEyes · 01/04/2013 18:21

Oh and I see now it was the sign of a marriage falling apart, but I just wasn't ready to admit it at the time.

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:21

You know what. I think my MIL does it as she has NOTHING WHATSOEVER IN THE WORLD to talk about, so she makes small fights up with FIL to cover the silence....

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Sianilaa · 01/04/2013 18:21

My ex was an emotional abuser and I thought his constant put downs were normal/all I deserved, etc... Then he started doing it in public and other people were shocked and had words - he laughed it off as just banter. As I started to see clearly, I would bite back to stand up for myself/point out that he wasn't exactly perfect himself but in front of other people it was masked as jokey. it wasn't - the undercurrent was hurt and hate. It was awful and I cringe at the times we must have upset people I thought were friends but I felt utterly trapped with him. So that carried on for about 3 years. I shudder thinking back to that time. I understand that a relationship can be based on mutual love and respect and that you don't put someone down in front of others unless you have issues!

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:21

LadyBeag were you provoked? Did your ex do it to entertain himself or was it just constant pissyness.

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YouTheCat · 01/04/2013 18:22

My ex used to do that when it was all going tits up and for a while after. I just used to ignore him. It made him look stupid not me.

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:23

FIL is a cunt though, has to be said. He has started on me before but realised I was not his wife and did not have to put up with it. Wearing. Sianilaa, that is so sad and exhausting too. Well done you for getting rid though and out of it.

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AKissIsNotAContract · 01/04/2013 18:23

I've never encountered a couple like this. I kind of want to now so I can form an opinion.

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:28

Kiss don't you will lose the will to live fairly soon and your arse will clench so very hard with embarrasment you may never use it again for anything useful. That or you have nerves of steel.
Boring is all that can be said of it.

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TheArmadillo · 01/04/2013 18:29

My parents did it constantly, often escalating into full on shouting. There was more shouting at home, more sniping in public.

I hated every fucking minute of it. It was mortifying. My relationship with my sister mirrored theirs, they couldn't understand why we fought all the time Hmm we copied what we were taught.

They are still married and claim everything is fine, when they haven't been able to hold a civil conversation within my living memory.

Original poster
lolaflores · 01/04/2013 18:31

Armadillo you make a very good point. I have to be very firm with my DH as he has witnessed his dad's take on social graces (paticularly around women) so I have to pull him up from time to time. Having said that, he is a different person, charachter wise than his dad, who as I said is a cunt. But that kind of learned behaviour goes under the radar alot for some people

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