To be trying for another baby at my age?

[Abitlikechicken]

I'm 40, trying for baby number 2, have been for 2 years since DD turned 1. A good friend shocked me recently by asking when I was going to 'stop trying' due to the risks I run at my age (Downs, difficult birth, C section, etc) and I had to say I haven't a clue and hadn't considered it. I made it known she'd upset me, she apologised but then went on to reiterate her concern that I have a 'stop date' in mind. Is this not a bit harsh? I don't imagine I'll still be trying in 5 years but I'm not THAT old! Am I being over-sensitive?
It's not widely known we're trying so I can't really garner any support from others.

No YANBU - I had my 3rd a few month shy of 39 - she was a section but so was number one at 32!!!

Of course YANBU!

YANBU, your friend is rude and unkind!

Why would you stop trying? Yes, the risks.are there, but I am assuming your want for a second baby overrides anything else and would accept and love a child born woth a disability.

Also, young mums still have all of the 'risks' detailed above too - just a little less.

Can't see that it's anyone's business except yours is it? Why on earth shouldn't you try for another baby if that's what you want and can manage? How odd that someone should actually say those things to you!

I had my last at 42. There's loads of us around. There was a thread recently.. Look at the pregnancy thread or the 'trying to conceive' ones

yanbu, it isn't her business. had dd2 at 42, it was an excellent idea.

Yanbu had my 5 th ds at 41 and he is utterly delightful.
There is no such thing as no risk even for younger mums, good luck :)

YANBU at all.

Hope everything goes as planned

Xx

YADNBU I can see myself being in your position in a few yrs tbh, if you have any concern then make an appt with a nurse to discuss what the increased risks actually are but honestly as long as you are in good health etc I cannot see an issue

Bloody hell, is she really a good friend OP?! She doesn't sound like it!

You can TTC as long as you want. It's very usual to get pg at 40 and beyond these days. I'm pg with DC2 and recently turned 40. So carry on living your life and making your own choices about your family.

The risk of Downs does increase with age, yes, but that's no reason not to TTC. There is always a risk.

You can have a difficult birth experience/emergency cs at any age too.

Your 'friend' is being an ignorant arse. It is none of her business whether you have a stop date in mind. Your body will let you know what the stop date is when you enter the menopause. Don't let her silly comment bother you for a moment.

Really intrusive, dumb and judgemental of her. You however - carry on, as you were, and with no shadow of a doubt!

Yanbu, hubby was 40 when our son was born.

I had my last at age 39, I had my birthday two days before his.

I did have a rough time but not because of my age.

Good luck!

I'm 40 and I have a 7 months old. I found this pregnancy
Much easier than my first one which was 10 years ago.
Nowadays scans are so sophisticated they pick up any
abnormalities. These can occur amongst younger women
as well. Due to my age I feel I'm more experienced and
a much more confident mum now than I was with my first
one. Good luck.

Thank you for the reassurance. She and I go way back, she's very forthright. She means no harm and she often speaks her mind but she stepped too far on this occasion.

YANBU of course. Had my DD at almost 44, no problems at all. I know a young couple who had a Downs baby when they were both aged around 30. As has been said, the risks are there at any age, even if they increase as you age. I had a cvs test at 10 weeks to rule out abnormalities as well as 3 scans, all because of my age. Just to be sure.

I'm 38 weeks with dc2, aged 40 and took 3.5 years to conceive. I did think about stopping, and 40 was what dh and I had agreed on as a cut off, but this pregnancy has been so straightforward that I think that would have been an arbitrary figure as much to draw a line and move on rather than a considered decision based on increased risk.

Yes, there are increased risks to both mother and child compared to a younger woman, but they don't suddenly pop up at age 35 or 38 or 40. You're at no greater risk today than tomorrow. If you'd conceived last month it wouldn't make any statistical difference to you conceiving next month.

I was quite surprised at how unbothered midwives and consultants have been about my age. It helps that I have no other risk factors: straightforward first pregnancy and delivery, normal bmi, ok blood pressure etc.

Some things to consider - you are much more likely to get a high-risk result from any screening for chromosomal abnormalities so it's a good idea to get your head around that and think now about what you would do, what sort of diagnostic tests you might agree to (or not), what sort of risk is acceptable to you, what your attitude is to potential disability in your baby.

Other than that, this has been a massively positive experience for me. The choice was not to have a baby at 30 or a baby at 40, the choice was to have a baby at 40 (or older if we hadn't been lucky and had continued to ttc) or no baby. I'm glad we're having a baby, ds1 is glad we're having a baby. I hope our baby will be glad that they were born into our family

My mum had my little sister at 41, they do more test to make sure, but theres risk in any pregnancy, so YANBU.

Of course you bloody aren't! I'm pregnant for the first time and have just turned 40. And if all goes well, we'll no doubt try for another.

It's just not weird to be an 'older' mother nowadays. We really are younger than our mums were at 40.

I'm not discounting some increased risks - am v. stressed at thought of scans showing probs. But still by far the most likely outcome for all of us is everything going smoothly.

Tell your 'friend' to sod off. You know what's best for you. x

YANBU.

My friend had her last at 44. (she did have a c-section because baby had wedged himself sideways, and had her tubes tied at the same time! He was her 10th child).

I think your friend was very rude and should mind her own. I think as with everything you have to weigh up risks versus hopes or opportunities but if someone told me to stop ttc at 40 I would absolutely tell them where to shove it. And frankly someone putting the idea in your head that it'll take you years and years more to conceive is extremely unsupportive. Best of luck with it.

PS I am only 31 but had two miscarriages en route to DC2 (now 38 weeks pg) and one friend asked how many more miscarriages it would take before I gave up! Some people really fail to think before speaking. Ignore it!

Go for it and good luck!

I expect that some statistics you here repeated by friends on risks for healthy women over 40 having babies are a little out of date, tbh.

Also its important to remember, its only ever possible to have a Downs baby if you actually are genetically pre-disposed (you or your DH).

You're relatively young - I think the average age for women having first time babies (know this isn't your first one) in the wealthiest parts of the UK is now something like 39 (and it was 37 only 7 yrs ago). So you're not alone by any stretch.