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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be trying for another baby at my age?

69 replies

Abitlikechicken · 31/03/2013 22:32

I'm 40, trying for baby number 2, have been for 2 years since DD turned 1. A good friend shocked me recently by asking when I was going to 'stop trying' due to the risks I run at my age (Downs, difficult birth, C section, etc) and I had to say I haven't a clue and hadn't considered it. I made it known she'd upset me, she apologised but then went on to reiterate her concern that I have a 'stop date' in mind. Is this not a bit harsh? I don't imagine I'll still be trying in 5 years but I'm not THAT old! Am I being over-sensitive?
It's not widely known we're trying so I can't really garner any support from others.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 31/03/2013 23:26

"hear" not "here" sorry

flaminhoopsaloolah · 31/03/2013 23:27

None of her business...gl with the ttc.

GettingGoing · 01/04/2013 00:01

We had our youngest when I was 41 and it was fine, friend I was with yesterday had her youngest at 43. Statistically you are more at risk, obviously, but there are plenty of scans etc.

narmada · 01/04/2013 00:31

OP course you're not daft or unreasonable - do what works for you!

In reply to poster who said that down's is only possible if you have q genetic predisposition I don't think that is true- I thought only about five % of cases were inherited in some way and that the remainder are entirely new occurences?

LaurieFairyCake · 01/04/2013 00:37

Yanbu

I'm considering trying for a baby when I get to 45/45 (once dd has gone to uni). Doesn't seem old to me.

sleepyhead · 01/04/2013 00:40

Yes, the genetic predisposition thing is a load of bollocks. As is average age of mother when they have their first child in the UK (is currently 29, not 39, although it will differ obviously and it will likely be older in more affluent areas).

However there is a lot to be said about stated statistical risks (not for DS but other risks associated with older motherhood) being about populations and not individuals, and a healthy 40 yr old may well have a better risk profile than a 30 year old with multiple problems.

DrCoconut · 01/04/2013 00:59

My mum had my brother at 43. He was perfectly healthy and the pregnancy and birth were her best of 3.

DrCoconut · 01/04/2013 01:00

He still is perfectly healthy too. Was 21 recently!

Startail · 01/04/2013 01:11

YANBU
DH and DSIL were born either side of DMILs 40th.
And
We had the cutest little boy here last week.
He was born a couple of weeks before his mums 43 birthday.

Startail · 01/04/2013 01:12

Oh and DH and DSIL are two of the healthiest and cleverest people I have ever met.

aftermay · 01/04/2013 01:23

IVF treatment on the NHS has been extended to age 42 (from 39).

anonymosity · 01/04/2013 01:24

I didn't say Sleepy HEAD what the average age in the UK was as I know in the whole uk its 29

but in the wealthiest parts of the UK its now 39

please read carefully next time

anonymosity · 01/04/2013 01:27

I am sorry - but you can check yourself, it is only possible to have downs babies if you are genetically predisposed. But it can sometimes only come out in later pregnancies.

flaminhoopsaloolah · 01/04/2013 01:36

Anon - could you provide a link to the information regarding Downs being a solely heritable condition?

Ginformation · 01/04/2013 02:09

anon you are mistaken, the vast majority of DS is due to trisomy 21. There is no way to predict who will produce a sperm or egg with an extra chromosome.

A small number of cases of DS are due to translocation on chromosome 21, this can sometimes be inherited from a parent but sometimes is a new mutation.

OP go for it! I would speak to friend and explain how upsetting the comments were. Good luck from a fellow aging ttc-er.

McGilly · 01/04/2013 02:11

Had my third at 44, healthiest of of my 3. DH would like another?! [bushock]. All pregnancies have an element of risk.

SorrelForbes · 01/04/2013 02:13

YANBU at all! I'm 43 and trying for my first!

McGilly · 01/04/2013 02:15

Ps we were fully accepting of all risks including DS. We would love our baby no matter what. DS can occur regardless of parental age, so all prospective parents should consider their own views and potential actions. I know much younger parents of DS children who are doing extremely well now. But because of their age they had thought it "couldn't happen to them" and they took it very hard at first.

McGilly · 01/04/2013 02:18

My healthcarers didn't bat an eyelid at my sdvanced age of 44. Other factors such as weight, smoking, pre-existing conditions, lifestyle and alcohol have greater impact. But again, no pregnancy is risk free

anonymosity · 01/04/2013 04:32

I just checked my info on the Downs Syndrome society web page and i was wrong

I do apologise for posting mis information / wasting the OPs time etc. Blush I had been told this by a friend who had a downs baby last Summer and took it as red.

Here's the truth : www.ndss.org/Down-Syndrome/Myths-Truths/

Tolly81 · 01/04/2013 04:47

YANBU op, your friend is being rude. It would probably be worth going to the GP though if you've been trying for 2 yrs, IVF may or may not be available but in any case they may give you a trial of clomid.
On a separate note you do not need a genetic predisposition for trisomy 21, in fact it is extremely rare to have one.

aurynne · 01/04/2013 07:11

anonymosity, having a child with a chromosomal abnormality does not turn his/her parents into geneticists all of a sudden.

Loislane78 · 01/04/2013 07:26

Can I just add when I saw this thread, I thought the number of posts was your age ie. (48).

Good luck TTC :)

harassedandherbug · 01/04/2013 07:33

I'm 42.5 ds3 (dc4) is 15mths today. My ds2 and dil are both 22, they're little boy is 9mths and has ds. Wasn't picked up at the scans. He's the most perfect, beautiful, sunny little boy.

Good luck with ttc. Taking B bits?? B12 was excellent for me.

devonsmummy · 01/04/2013 07:34

No yanbu!
A friend just had twins (her first children) at 43. Both healthy one at 6lb other 7lb , born at 38 weeks. Had an emergency c-sec and has recovered well - out dog walking on day 5.
I didn't even contemplate leaving the house on day 5 with my 1st! I was 32
Good luck !