To be trying for another baby at my age?

[Abitlikechicken]

I'm 40, trying for baby number 2, have been for 2 years since DD turned 1. A good friend shocked me recently by asking when I was going to 'stop trying' due to the risks I run at my age (Downs, difficult birth, C section, etc) and I had to say I haven't a clue and hadn't considered it. I made it known she'd upset me, she apologised but then went on to reiterate her concern that I have a 'stop date' in mind. Is this not a bit harsh? I don't imagine I'll still be trying in 5 years but I'm not THAT old! Am I being over-sensitive?
It's not widely known we're trying so I can't really garner any support from others.

I had DC2 last Thursday aged 40 and she is perfect. None of the HCPs has batted an eyelid at my age. On fact one of the MW laughed and said 'don't be daft' when I described myself as old.

I think there's a lot of hype about risks for women over 35, particularly with Downs. It's actually about 1 in 140 for women of 40. Media reportinf seems to sow the seed that risks are incredibly high, not less than 1%. Plus screening has never been better anyway so we can be really well-informed.

Have a look at the fabulous 40+ mums to be thread over on Pregnancy. They're a lovely bunch.

Good luck with ttc.

I'm 23 weeks PG with DC1 and I'm 40 this month. I've had nothing but support from the medical profession and MW told me she'd just delivered DC1 to at 48yo recently.
The NHS even extended IVF support to 42 so they can't think the risks are 'too high'.
YADNBU. Your friend, however, is a bitch.

Yanbu. I sometimes wish I was you (I have 3 dc born when I was 29, 31, 32 - I'm now 42). Could your "friend" be jealous? I had a prem menopause around 2 years ago, and spent a few months very jealous of anyone pregnant (even though dh had a vasectomy and we're very happy with our 3 big kids).

If YABU then so am I! TTC at 41 here. Good luck!

No. Of course you are not unreasonable.

I had DD1 at 34. DD2 at 37. And DS at 44 after several miscarriages.
He is lovely. They all are. I was more tired in the last 8 weeks but neither he nor I had any health problems at all.

I have struggled to regain my previous fitness/shape more than I did with the other 2 but having him more than makes up for a saggy tummy! Good luck.

I'm 40 this year and am pg with DC2. I haven't given a second thought to all the risks your friend mentioned, I just didn't have any tests for Down syndrome, which handily means no stress over the results. I absolutely wouldn't have a termination so the tests would only be useful to prepare ourselves. My midwives etc haven't mentioned being an 'older mother' and I've not had any extra scans, appts etc due to my age. I also don't know anyone who has had problems due to their age.

But, I have had loads of extra input due to previous losses, the only reason they could find for them was 'maternal age'. I also know lots of people who have had mc around this age. That would be my only reservation. But miscarriages are certainly not reserved for the over 35s and most of my friends have confined to ttc

Sorry iPhone
Continued to ttc and have beautiful DC now, so I'd say go for it!

Friend of mine had her last at 48. Normal birth and baby was fine. I know another lady of around that age who is also trying for a baby at the moment.

I've been reading this thread with interest and been umming and ahhing over contributing. As the daughter of parents who were 40 and 48 when I was conceived, I was unfortunate to lose both at 19 and 10 years old respectively due to heart disease and cancer. No one knows the future and I wish you all the best-I just wanted to point out a different perspective from a child of older parents.

I had DC3 at 41. There are fewer women having children in their 40s now than there was in the 1930s, we are the children of a generation who had their children very young so 40 is not as old as they seem to think. It is still possible to have a healthy baby in your 40s and you are not unreasonable to keep trying. Just think of it like this, you will either get pregnant or you will never have to worry about contraception again. Win win!

I did 'stop' trying at 40 but then had DD at 41 so 'stopping' might just do the trick! Good luck

Medical staff are a lot less worried about mums having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc after 40 than first-timers. And no, YANBU at all to TTC at 40. It's very common these days for women to be having babies in their latter 30s and early 40s. I have several friends who've had a child after 40 and they've all been healthy. Your friend should butt out and be more sensitive.

YANBU my mum had my youngest sister when she was 41

Yanbu. Obviously you have thought about all the risks and decided that you are willing to face them in order to have another dc. Pretty rude of your friend to question your decision.

How did it go?!

Some people just don't think before they speak. I had my first baby when I was 37, had been trying for years. At the age of 32 I was asked "did you just not want any kids?" They just obviously assumed that I was too old as I hadn't had any yet! Strangely enough when I eventually did get pregnant so many people asked if the baby was "a surprise" I just said to them "an accident, no, don't you think one of us would get the snip if we got to our age and didn't want kids??"

I'm 29 and high risk so even younger altho I'm not that as young as before lol is risk free I'm 37 weeks now