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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude to order a starter if nobody else is?

131 replies

Iactuallydothinkso · 31/03/2013 11:36

Well, mn jury. Is it?

OP posts:
Montybojangles · 31/03/2013 14:08

Hate dessert, love a starter (often the best bit of the meal). Why should they miss their other course because you all fancy pudding?
Nibble some bread or olives if your hungry.

BackforGood · 31/03/2013 14:09

Yup - YABU. It's not rude. Everyone should be able to choose what they want when they are treating themselves to a meal out, not be pressured by others.
tbh, if a bigger order goes in to the kitchen for several main meals, you probably wouldn't get your meal any quicker anyway. The food would be cooking, while the person is eating their starter (much more likely to be pre-made)

twentythirteen · 31/03/2013 14:11

Its not good etiquette, but its not rude, IMO.

twentythirteen · 31/03/2013 14:15

Sorry I'm just laughing about this now. Rude would be if they said, "well F you bh, I'm having a starter". I'm with the poster who prefers states to puddings, I often sit through a boring pudding course. To each their own!

5Foot5 · 31/03/2013 14:24

Surprised no one has asked this alreacy, but did the one person know beforehand that they would be the only person eating starters. If he or she was asked their order first they might have assumed everyone else was going to have starters too and perhaps were a bit embarassed when it turned out they were the only ones.

HorryIsUpduffed · 31/03/2013 14:24

I'm a two-starters-and-pudding type Grin

I think it depends on the menu and the venue. If your starter could be an accompaniment (eg a tomato salad) then noticing that nobody else is having a starter and saying "oh please bring the starter with the mains" is considerate. But that doesn't work with soup or garlic mushrooms or something.

Often though I don't want a starter because there's nothing on the menu I fancy enough (allergies limit choice) so I'm not going to order something just to push round the plate to keep someone else company.

I don't think it is rude precisely but in a group of totally considerate people it would just never be an issue.

Booyhoo · 31/03/2013 14:40

"It is an exercise in self control to not order exactly what you want. "

i dont know about anyone else but when i go out for food it's a rare treat and i go to relax and enjoy good food. i dont go out to practise my self control. why the hell would i go out for lunch/dinner knowing i wasn't going to order what i wanted? Confused

Machli · 31/03/2013 14:43

Irritating but not rude imo.

Wishihadabs · 31/03/2013 14:47

Well I go to social occasions including meals out to socialise and enjoy others ' company. If I go out with DH then I might just think f#$ k it I will order whatever the hell I like. However in a large group I would be sensti've to the others. That includes if people are on a diet/ trying not to spend too much/drink too much. I think that is just good manners and putting people at ease.

QuintEggSensuality · 31/03/2013 14:47

Well if you were that hungry you should have jumped in and also ordered a starter.

Wishihadabs · 31/03/2013 14:52

Incidentally this also includes choice of venue. Which frequently might not be my first choice, but if everyone else wants to go there then of corse I go along with it. Yes knowing I am unlikely to eat what I would choose given an entirely free choice.

Booyhoo · 31/03/2013 14:54

people who are on a diet/trying not to spend too much/drink too much go out to a place that serves drink and food knowing that others will be eating infront of them. any of my friends would be mortified to think that i had held back on ordering what i wanted because they were dieting or watching their money. the whole point of going out to eat is to eat.

simplesusan · 31/03/2013 14:58

I normally go with the majority. I don't usually have a starter and it doesn't bother me at all if anyone else does.
Likewise I usually have a coffee, I don't give it a second thought if anyone else has a coffee or not.

whois · 31/03/2013 15:05

Not rude. Why should the person who wanted a starter have a desert instead just cos its what you wanted? Some people aren't into deserts.

If you were so hungry OP, you could have ordered a starter or ordered a side of bread or something.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 31/03/2013 15:06

I think it is a bit different actually at the start of the meal than at the end - I think you do want some sense of togetherness at the beginning. Later on it doesn't matter so much ? Perhaps would help if restaurants more generous with bread and olives etc. as on the continent/ elsewhere in the world rather than making this big deal about whether or not individuals are having starters.
But then I'm all for sharing food in general - much more friendly !
I guess some places are beginning to do more sharing platters - I think something like that is a perfect way to get things under way [busmile]

Thumbwitch · 31/03/2013 15:08

I think if it was a largeish group of people I wouldn't have elected to be the only one having a starter, that's for sure! I don't like being the cause of holding anyone else up for anything, including eating their meal.

But that's just me. Obviously this person wanted their starter, you had the choice to have a starter yourself if you were that hungry, you chose not to for other reasons (fair enough) but you can't blame the person who had the starter for your choices.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 31/03/2013 15:10

No, it's not rude and it gives everyone else a chance to sink another glass of wine if they are skipping that course.

musicposy · 31/03/2013 15:15

I alwvays order a srarter even if I am the only one. I don't like deserts - there's never anything on the menu I fancy. A meal with only one course is a bit of a non event. I don't think my friends mind - after all, I have to sit around whilst they eat pudding so it's all fair.

DorcasDelIcatessen · 31/03/2013 15:18

What is rude is someone loudly declaring they can't eat that much in a sneery manner then proceed to tuck in to everyones starters as if partaking in some cunting tapas-off. I know several people who do this. Just order some food you tight ass.

Jins · 31/03/2013 15:18

Sharing food?

Shudders

I hate that Grin

Wishihadabs · 31/03/2013 15:26

In certain situations ordering exactly what you want does put others in an awkward position. So when the bill comes, do you just split it or do they have to point out that you have had the three most expensive items on the menu and more alcohol than anyone else. (This has happened more than once). Most people want to be to just split the bill everyone having had a meal of roughly equivalent value. If one person either ostanteously order much more or less than everyone else it makes the whole process more fraught than it need be.

Booyhoo · 31/03/2013 15:51

i wouldn't leave anyone in the position of having to point out to me what i ordered.

McNewPants2013 · 31/03/2013 15:54

When I go out for a meal I always order starters, I think it is rude to comment on what people are ordering.

DumDum32 · 31/03/2013 16:00

just have the starter.come out the sgame time the mains (crisis averted) & no it's not rude to order a started when others don't.

susiedaisy · 31/03/2013 16:12

Rude? No, if I was starving I would also have a starter, if I wasn't then I would have no problem in waiting a while whilst the other person ate a starter, I tend to have starters rather than puddings then just a coffee at the end.